8 phrases only toxic people in disguise tend to use, according to psychology

Have you ever had a conversation that left you feeling uneasy, even though the words seemed harmless on the surface?

Many toxic people have a knack for cloaking their negativity in seemingly innocent phrases.

However, these phrases serve as subtle verbal cues to identify who might not have your best interests at heart.

Recognizing these phrases can be your first line of defense when dealing with these individuals. So let’s uncover the eight phrases toxic people in disguise tend to use.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

This phrase is a classic tool in the toxic person’s arsenal. It’s a subtle form of gaslighting – a psychological manipulation technique designed to make you question your own feelings and perceptions.

When you express your feelings or concerns, a toxic person might respond with, “You’re too sensitive,” as a way to divert attention from their own behavior.

This phrase is designed to make you feel like you’re overreacting or being unreasonable.

The underlying message is clear: your feelings are not valid, or at least, not as valid as theirs.

It’s a way for them to maintain control in the relationship and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

 Recognizing this phrase as a manipulation tactic can help you stand your ground and avoid getting sucked into their toxic cycle.

In response, you might feel pressured to suppress your emotions to avoid conflict, but doing so only gives them more power.

Instead, stand firm in your feelings and communicate them clearly and assertively – it’s a crucial step towards breaking free from the toxicity.

2) “I’m just being honest”

On the surface, this phrase might seem like a sign of transparency or straightforwardness. After all, honesty is a virtue, right?

But in the hands of a toxic person, it becomes a weapon.

When someone uses “I’m just being honest” as a preface or follow-up to a harsh or critical comment, it’s often an attempt to justify their rudeness or insensitivity.

It’s a way of deflecting blame and avoiding accountability for the impact of their words.

The implication here is that you can’t handle the ‘truth’, and they’re the brave one for saying it. It’s essentially a free pass to say something hurtful without facing any consequences.

This doesn’t mean all honesty is toxic, of course. Constructive criticism has its place.

But if someone repeatedly uses this phrase to camouflage their cruel remarks, it’s less about honesty and more about maintaining control and asserting dominance.

3) “I don’t remember that”

This phrase is a common one used by toxic individuals when they’re trying to dodge responsibility for their actions. They may conveniently ‘forget’ instances where they’ve behaved poorly or caused harm.

This selective memory isn’t always due to genuine forgetfulness. It’s often a manipulation tactic known as ‘gaslighting’.

By denying or twisting past events, the toxic person aims to make you question your own memory and perception.

Research shows that repeated gaslighting can lead to increased self-doubt and decreased self-esteem in the person on the receiving end. This erosion of confidence can make it harder for them to stand up against further toxic behavior.

If you find yourself often second-guessing your memory after interactions with someone, it could be a sign that they’re using this tactic.

Trust your own recollection and don’t let someone else distort your reality.

4) “If you really cared about me, you would…”

This phrase tugs at your heartstrings, doesn’t it?

It’s designed to make you feel guilty and question your commitment to the person or relationship. It’s a form of emotional blackmail, used to manipulate you into doing something they want.

The truth is, showing care and love for someone doesn’t mean complying with all their demands.

Real affection is about respect, understanding, and mutual consent. It’s not about manipulation or control.

If someone is using this phrase often, it might be a sign that they’re using your affection as a tool for their own gain.

Healthy relationships involve compromise and understanding, not coercion. You are not obligated to prove your love by sacrificing your own well-being.

5) “Can’t you take a joke?”

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

A casual conversation takes a sharp turn when someone’s ‘joke’ crosses a line. When you express your discomfort, they respond with, “Can’t you take a joke?”

This phrase is often used to downplay disrespectful or hurtful comments.

By framing their words as humor, the toxic person attempts to shift the blame onto you for being ‘too sensitive’ or ‘not having a sense of humor’.

But here’s the thing – jokes should bring people together, not tear them apart.

If someone’s ‘humor’ consistently makes you feel belittled or uncomfortable, it’s not about your ability to take a joke. It’s about their inability to respect your feelings.

6) “It’s all your fault”

Picture this: a friend is consistently late to meet you. Each time, they blame traffic, bad weather, or some unexpected event.

One day you express your frustration, and their response is, “It’s all your fault. You always pick inconvenient times to meet.”

This phrase is a classic deflection tactic.

Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, the toxic person blames you. According to psychology, deflection is designed to make you feel guilty and deflect any criticism directed at them.

For the person on the receiving end, it can create a constant sense of guilt and anxiety. You may start questioning yourself and taking the blame for things beyond your control.

If someone consistently blames you for their shortcomings or mistakes, know that it’s not a reflection of your faults, but theirs.

7) “You’re just jealous”

When you voice a concern or criticism, a toxic person might dismiss it with, “You’re just jealous.” This phrase is a quick and easy way for them to invalidate your feelings and turn the tables on you.

But let’s get real here.

Expressing a concern or disagreement doesn’t automatically mean you’re jealous.

It means you’re human, with your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

The key is not to fall into their trap.

When someone uses this phrase, it’s often because they want to divert attention from their own actions or behaviors.

Don’t let them shift the focus. Stand firm in your feelings and know that they are valid, regardless of what this person tries to make you believe.

8) “You owe me”

This phrase is a classic power play. Toxic individuals often keep a mental tally of everything they’ve ever done for you, ready to be pulled out and used against you at any moment.

They use this perceived debt to manipulate and control you.

But relationships are not about keeping score. They’re about mutual respect, understanding, and support.

If someone is constantly reminding you of what you ‘owe’ them, it’s not a sign of your indebtedness, but their manipulation.

True kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. You don’t owe anyone for their acts of basic decency or kindness.

Don’t let anyone use their past actions as a tool to control or manipulate you. Stand your ground and trust your instincts.

Wrapping up

Toxic people have a way of hiding their true intentions. But often, the phrases they use, while seemingly innocent, will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

That’s why it’s essential to always trust your instincts.

In addition, recognizing these eight phrases can further help you identify red flags, and thus, protect yourself from manipulative behavior. 

Remember that you deserve to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.