13 phrases to avoid if you want to appear confident

Let’s face it: confidence can be elusive.

For many of us, self-assuredness seems like a foreign language that we’re constantly trying to master.

It’s not just about standing tall or making eye contact – even our words can shape how confident we come across.

In this enlightening deep-dive, we’ll explore 13 phrases that can undermine your perceived confidence.

Let’s jump right in!

1) “I’m just…”

Those two tiny words might seem harmless, but they can really pack a punch.

Starting your sentences with “I’m just,” can make your important insights seem less significant than they are.

It’s almost like you’re apologizing for speaking up. So, be bold, ditch the “I’m just” and state your ideas with confidence.

2) “Does that make sense?”

Sounds like a polite thing to say, right? But it can actually make you seem unsure of yourself.

Instead of asking if you’re making sense, which can make you sound a bit uncertain, why not try something like “What are your thoughts on this?” or “Any questions about this?”

It keeps the conversation going without making you seem insecure.

3) “Sorry, but…”

You don’t want to come across as rude, and that’s great, but saying sorry too much can chip away at how confident you seem.

Dr. Karina Schumann, a psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh, found in her research that excessive apologizing can lead others to view you as less assertive.

If you haven’t done anything wrong, there’s no need to apologize.

Just get to the point, and people will appreciate your straightforwardness.

4) “This may be a stupid question…”

Let’s be honest, the only stupid question is the one that’s not asked.

Using this phrase before you ask something could make you seem less confident and a bit unsure.

Instead, just ask your question. It shows you’re engaged and eager to learn, and that’s the mark of a confident person.

5) “I’ll try…”

Yoda was onto something when he famously said, “Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

The phrase “I’ll give it a shot” suggests that you’re not fully committed, almost as if you’re expecting to fail.

So, replace the “I’ll try” with a more assertive “I will” or “I am.”

6) “I think…”

It’s great to have your own opinions, but starting your sentences with “I think” could potentially make you appear less confident.

Eliminating these kinds of filler words can make your statements come across as more assertive and bold.

So, let’s say you’re talking about Plan A. Instead of saying, “I think Plan A is our best bet,” you can confidently say, “Plan A is our best bet.”

7) “I’m no expert, but…”

Saying this might make it seem like you’re unsure of your own knowledge.

While it’s important to acknowledge your limitations, starting a sentence this way might make others perceive you as less competent and confident.

You don’t have to be an expert to share valuable insights.

So, just go ahead and share what you know without undermining your own credibility.

8) “Just my luck!”

Expressing this sentiment may imply that you feel you’re at the mercy of fate, which isn’t a sign of confidence.

It’s better to accept that everyone goes through tough times, and it’s how we respond to these situations that really matters.

So, instead of blaming it all on luck, take ownership of your reactions to setbacks.

As one psychologist suggests, it’s a healthier approach.

9) “This probably won’t work, but…”

Throwing out an idea with this as an intro is like letting the air out of the balloon before it even gets off the ground.

It instantly brings down the value of what you’re about to propose.

Instead, introduce your ideas with a positive spin, leaving room for feedback and conversation without sabotaging yourself from the get-go.

10) “I can’t…”

Consistently using “I can’t” tends to reinforce a restrictive mindset that may limit your potential and undermine your self-confidence.

Instead, embrace a growth mindset that sees challenges as chances to learn and grow.

Switch the “I can’t” with “I haven’t yet,” keeping the door ajar for future possibilities.

11) “It’s not fair…”

Yes, life can be unfair sometimes.

But constantly falling back on this phrase can portray you as someone who finds it hard to take personal responsibility.

Instead, it’s more empowering to focus on actions that you can control and demonstrate your resilience in dealing with tough situations.

12) “I should have…”

Hindsight bias, also known as the ‘I-knew-it-all-along’ effect, can lead us to believe that we could have predicted or prevented past events.

Overusing “I should have” implies regret and self-blame.

Replace “I should have” with “Next time, I will.” This will help with turning past experiences into lessons for future actions.

13) “I’m not sure, but…”

According to Deborah Tannen, professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, phrases like “I’m not sure” can erode your assertiveness and may make you seem less competent.

If you genuinely don’t know something, it’s perfectly fine to admit it, but don’t feign uncertainty when you’re actually confident about your answer.

In such cases, assert your responses without the self-doubting preamble.

Factors affecting your overall confidence

Confidence can be as elusive as a will-o’-the-wisp, with a bunch of stuff—psychological, behavioral, you name it—influencing how much of it we have.

Let’s pull back the curtain on some of these puppet masters that could be pulling our confidence strings and causing us to go all low-key with our lingo:

Upbringing and past experiences

All those trips and stumbles (literal or otherwise) we’ve experienced since we were toddlers—yep, they’re the culprits!

They could be doing a number on our confidence, as suggested by a whole bunch of psychologists.

That time your third-grade teacher critiqued your artwork? It might be affecting your confidence even now.

Fear of failure or rejection

Ever chickened out because you were scared of flopping or getting a cold shoulder?

Psychologists tell us this fear might cause us to play safe, hide our light under a bushel, and use language that’s as assertive as a wet noodle.

Impostor syndrome

Ever felt like you’re a great pretender in your own life, and you’re just waiting for someone to pull back the curtain?

That’s the “Impostor Syndrome” for you. It’s like a monkey on your back, making you talk less confidently.

Perfectionism

Setting high standards is awesome, but aiming unrealistically high?

That’s perfectionism and it’s a notorious confidence-killer.

According to a study published in the Review of General Psychology, perfectionism can negatively impact self-confidence.

When you set unrealistically high standards for yourself, you’re more likely to use language that downplays your abilities and achievements.

Lack of self-awareness

Are you a stranger to yourself? You might want to change that.

Experts tell us that understanding our strengths, weaknesses, and quirks is a passport to Confidence-ville. If you’re not self-aware, you might be selling yourself short.

Social anxiety

Some of us break out in a cold sweat at the mere thought of a party or meeting new people.

If you’re socially anxious, you’re likely to pull your punches and come across as less confident.

Truth bomb: Confidence isn’t a commodity

One thing we often get wrong about confidence is treating it like something we can buy from a store or attain by watching motivational videos. It doesn’t work like that.

Confidence is more like a muscle; it needs to be built and strengthened through consistent practice and mental conditioning.

Recognizing this fact is the first step towards regaining your confidence.

Advice corner: The ‘fake it till you make it’ philosophy

Contrary to what you might think, “fake it till you make it” isn’t just corporate mumbo jumbo.

It’s a legit psychological trick known as the ‘self-perception theory.’

By acting confident, you can convince your brain that you are confident, which eventually leads to genuine feelings of self-assuredness.

Don’t hesitate to strike a power pose or to practice confident speech patterns in front of the mirror.

Sometimes, you’ve got to be your own hype person.

Industry secret: Confidence doesn’t mean perfection

One of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that it’s synonymous with perfection.

It’s not. Even the most respected leaders and speakers make mistakes.

What sets them apart is their ability to own up to their mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

So, don’t beat yourself up over every little stumble.

Embrace your imperfections and remember that every error is a step towards growth and betterment.

Final words

In this winding journey we call life, sometimes our confidence takes a hit.

But remember: Every setback is an opportunity to come back stronger. It’s okay if your knees buckle at times, or if your words don’t always ring with certainty.

That’s what makes us human.

What’s more important is our willingness to learn, adapt, and grow.

So, keep working on that confidence muscle, practice your power pose, and remember, perfection is overrated.

You’re already a superstar in your own unique way. Let that light shine!

Related:

• 10 things successful people never let stand in their way
• 20 things highly effective leaders do every day
• 13 phrases to avoid if you want to appear confident