7 phrases you should never say if you want your child to respect you as they get older

One of the biggest surprises of parenting is realizing just how much weight your words carry.

A throwaway comment at the dinner table or a quick remark during an argument can echo in your child’s mind for years.

Sometimes those words become a source of comfort and guidance. Other times, they become scars.

In my counseling work, I’ve heard adults recall exact sentences their parents said decades ago. They can’t always remember the punishments or the rewards, but they remember the tone of voice, the choice of words, and how those words made them feel.

That’s how powerful language is in shaping respect.

If you want your child to respect you as they grow older, certain phrases are better left unsaid.

Let’s look at seven of them.

1. “Because I said so”

This phrase shuts down conversation. It tells your child their perspective doesn’t matter, and that authority is the only reason they should listen.

While it might stop a battle in the moment, it erodes long-term respect.

Children, even at young ages, crave explanations. When you give them a reason—whether it’s about safety, values, or family routines—you’re teaching them how to think, not just how to obey.

Research on authoritative parenting styles shows that children raised with reasoning and warmth tend to develop higher self-esteem and stronger respect for parental authority than those raised with rigid commands.

You don’t have to deliver a TED Talk every time you set a rule. A short explanation can make all the difference: “We’re leaving now because it’s a school night and you need rest.”

Respect grows when children feel their intelligence is acknowledged.

2. “You’re too sensitive”

I’ll never forget a teenage client who told me, “My parents always said I was too sensitive. Now I can’t tell if my feelings are real or if I’m just overreacting.”

That comment had followed her like a shadow for years.

Telling a child they’re “too sensitive” dismisses their emotions instead of helping them understand them. It sends the message that their inner world is inconvenient or wrong.

Over time, they may learn to hide their feelings, which makes it harder for them to trust you with what really matters.

Emotional validation doesn’t mean indulging every outburst. It means acknowledging the feeling before guiding the response: “I see you’re upset. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”

Respect deepens when kids feel safe bringing their full selves to the relationship.

3. “Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”

Have you ever been compared to someone else in your family? It stings, no matter your age.

For a child, being held up against a sibling is especially damaging. It plants seeds of rivalry and resentment rather than connection.

Siblings naturally compare themselves anyway. When parents reinforce those comparisons, it adds fuel to the fire.

In counseling sessions, I’ve heard adults say, “I was always the lazy one” or “My sister was the golden child.” Those labels often started with casual comments that parents thought were harmless.

Respect grows when children feel seen for who they are, not who they aren’t. Instead of comparisons, focus on the unique strengths each child brings.

A simple phrase like, “I love the way you think about problems differently” can affirm individuality and keep resentment from taking root.

4. “I’m disappointed in you”

Have you ever wondered how powerful the word “disappointed” is?

It lands heavier than anger, because it targets identity rather than behavior. Children who constantly hear “I’m disappointed in you” may internalize the idea that they are a disappointment, even if the intent was to critique a single action.

When feedback attacks identity, kids see themselves as inherently flawed. When feedback targets behavior, they see mistakes as opportunities to grow.

There are gentler, more constructive ways to express disapproval: “I’m concerned about the choice you made” or “That behavior doesn’t line up with our values.”

The distinction matters. Respect isn’t lost when you set boundaries. It’s lost when your words suggest your child isn’t worthy of love unless they’re perfect.

5. “You’ll never understand until you’re older”

I remember saying this to my own daughter once during a stressful morning. Her face fell, and later I realized why—it was dismissive.

What I’d really said was: “Your perspective doesn’t count until some imaginary future date.”

Children may not have adult experience, but they do have valid insights. By brushing them off with this phrase, you tell them they don’t deserve a voice in the present.

Over time, they may stop sharing their thoughts altogether.

A better approach is to acknowledge their point of view while explaining yours: “I know it feels unfair, and I also know from experience that this rule keeps you safe.”

That balance gives kids the dignity of being heard and teaches them to respect your wisdom without silencing themselves.

6. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”

Why do parents say this? Usually because the sound of crying is uncomfortable. This is so common in parents who have been raised with tough love themselves. 

But thanks to research, we now know that this emotionally invalidating approach is quite damaging.

Telling a child to stop expressing pain—or threatening punishment if they don’t—teaches them that emotions are dangerous.

In one of my counseling sessions, a grown man recalled this exact phrase from his childhood. He said, “I learned to shut down my emotions because I thought they weren’t allowed.” Decades later, he was still trying to unlearn that habit.

Respect is built when kids see you can handle their emotions, even the messy ones. Instead of threats, try holding space: “I hear that you’re upset. Take your time, and then we’ll talk about it.”

That communicates strength, patience, and respect for their humanity.

7. “I do everything for you and this is how you repay me?”

This one often comes out in moments of exhaustion. But it turns love into a debt, and children can’t carry that burden without resenting you.

They may comply in the moment, but respect erodes because they feel manipulated rather than guided.

Kids didn’t ask for a tally sheet of your sacrifices. What they need is to see you as steady, not guilt-inducing.

Yes, parenting is hard, and acknowledging your limits is healthy. But according to psychologists, framing care as a transaction poisons the bond.

When children sense that your love is given freely, they will naturally come to respect you. 

That doesn’t mean you never set boundaries. It just means those boundaries come from a place of clarity and care, not from scorekeeping.

When kids know they’re not walking around with a debt they can never repay, they’re far more likely to respect you as they mature.

Final thoughts

Children remember words long after they forget punishments or privileges.

The way you speak to them now becomes the soundtrack they hear in their heads as adults. Phrases that dismiss, compare, or guilt them leave cracks in the foundation of respect.

Parenting is messy, and no one gets it right every time. But if you want your child to respect you as they grow older, commit to communication that honors their dignity.

Replace dismissive lines with explanations, comparisons with affirmations, and guilt trips with boundaries rooted in care.

Respect is built word by word. Choose wisely, and you give your child not just a voice they can trust, but a relationship they’ll cherish for life.