7 little behaviors that make you seem insecure even when you know what you’re talking about

Confidence and insecurity are often judged less by what you say and more by how you say it.

You can have the facts lined up, the research on your side, and years of experience behind you—yet if your delivery carries subtle signals of doubt, people will pick up on it immediately.

The tricky part? Most of us aren’t even aware we’re doing these things. They’ve become habits, often formed back in school or early jobs, when we learned to “play small” so we wouldn’t draw too much attention. But those habits linger, and they shape how others perceive us.

Let’s go through some of the most common behaviors that send the wrong message—so you can cut them out, show up with more presence, and let your words carry the weight they deserve.

1. Overexplaining your point

Have you ever been in a conversation where you kept adding “just one more thing” to make sure the other person understood?

That’s overexplaining. It comes from a good place—you want to be clear and thorough.

But ironically, it often signals that you don’t believe your first explanation was strong enough.

I remember being in a client meeting in my mid-20s where I did this constantly. I laid out my argument clearly, but then kept circling back, layering more details, and repeating myself in slightly different ways.

By the end, instead of sounding authoritative, I sounded unsure—like I was trying to convince myself as much as the client.

The reality is, people usually grasp your main point the first time. Adding layers of repetition waters it down.

Clear, concise statements carry more weight than long-winded explanations. Confidence looks like saying what you need to say, then letting silence do its job.

2. Qualifying your statements

Phrases like “I might be wrong, but…” or “This probably sounds silly, but…” are subtle disclaimers that undercut your authority. They tell your audience to doubt you before you’ve even made your case.

This is a form of “verbal hedging,” and it can make people see you as less competent—even when your ideas are solid. It’s like walking into a room and apologizing for being there.

The next time you catch yourself qualifying your thoughts, stop. Ask yourself: Do I actually believe this? If the answer is yes, then drop the caveat. Share your point directly.

The more you stand behind your words, the more others will, too.

3. Avoiding eye contact

When you’re confident in what you’re saying, your eyes naturally meet those of the people listening.

Avoiding eye contact, on the other hand, suggests you’re unsure—or worse, that you don’t even believe your own words.

I learned this lesson early while giving a talk at a university event. I had prepared thoroughly and knew my material, but I kept glancing at my notes and away from the audience.

A friend in the crowd told me afterward, “You sounded like you didn’t trust what you were saying.”

The irony was, I trusted it completely. My lack of eye contact betrayed me.

Strong eye contact doesn’t mean staring someone down—it means making a connection, checking in, and showing you’re fully present.

If this doesn’t come naturally, practice in low-pressure settings. Look at the cashier when you thank them. Meet the eyes of your friend when you tell a story. Over time, it gets easier.

4. Speaking too fast

Why do we rush our words? Often, it’s because we subconsciously want to get them out before someone interrupts or challenges us.

But racing through a sentence communicates nervousness more than authority.

A measured pace signals confidence. It shows you believe your point is worth taking up space and time. It also makes you easier to follow, which builds credibility.

Think about the speakers you admire—you’ll notice that very few of them talk at lightning speed. They pause, they breathe, they let their words land.

One trick I’ve found helpful is reading my writing out loud slowly. It trains me to be comfortable with pauses and helps me cut filler words.

The next time you’re in a meeting or giving input, remind yourself: The slower I go, the stronger I sound.

5. Nervous fillers

“Um.” “You know.” “Like.” These verbal crutches sneak in when our brains are processing faster than our mouths.

Everyone uses them occasionally, but when they dominate your speech, they signal hesitation.

Studies on communication patterns show that listeners subconsciously associate filler-heavy speech with lower confidence and less competence. That’s a big cost for something you can fix with awareness.

Here’s a simple shift: when you feel an “um” rising up, pause instead.

Silence feels scarier than a filler word at first, but it actually makes you sound more deliberate and thoughtful. The pause also gives your brain time to catch up, so your next words land with more impact.

6. Laughing at your own comments

Have you ever made a serious point, then laughed nervously right after? It’s a common reflex. We do it to soften the edges, to make sure people don’t think we’re being too intense or too full of ourselves.

But the effect is the opposite: it makes your point feel less credible.

I used to do this constantly. In group discussions, I’d share an idea, then throw in a laugh as if to say, “Don’t worry, I’m not taking myself too seriously.”

Over time I realized it was insecurity disguised as humor. When I stopped doing it, people started taking my contributions more seriously.

Of course, genuine laughter has its place—it builds connection and lightens the mood. But nervous laughter is different.

If you notice yourself doing it, practice holding your ground after you make a statement. Trust that your words don’t need a joke to carry them.

7. Backing down too quickly

Disagreement is uncomfortable for a lot of people. You make your point, someone challenges it, and suddenly you’re backpedaling—not because you believe you’re wrong, but because you don’t want to rock the boat.

I’ve caught myself doing this in meetings before. I knew my point was solid, but the moment a louder voice pushed back, I felt the urge to shrink into silence.

What I realized later is that it had little to do with being wrong and everything to do with doubting whether I had the right to hold my ground.

That’s the real problem: backing down too quickly signals that you don’t trust yourself, and others pick up on that. Confidence isn’t about winning every argument—it’s about staying steady in what you know, while being open to new perspectives.

One book that really shifted how I think about this is Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life by Rudá Iandê. He reminds us that “You have both the right and responsibility to explore and try until you know yourself deeply.”

That perspective helped me see that confidence doesn’t come from never being challenged—it comes from honoring your own process, even in the middle of disagreement.

When you stand in that space, people feel your certainty, and that changes the entire dynamic.

Final thoughts

Confidence isn’t built by memorizing facts or rehearsing lines—it’s built by stripping away the little habits that betray doubt.

Every one of these behaviors is subtle, but together, they send a loud message about how you see yourself.

The good news? Habits can be rewired. With practice, awareness, and a willingness to slow down, you can shift how you show up.

And when you do, the knowledge you already have will carry more weight, because people will actually feel the certainty behind your words.