6 rare traits that make someone a highly likable person

Everyone’s likable in their own way, right?

Yes, even people who don’t seem to be very approachable at first glance have something amazing to offer if you get to know them better.

Just take one of my closest friends – her resting b*tch face makes her look incredibly intimidating, and yet she’s one of the most loyal, protective, and funniest people I’ve ever met.

Alas, it is true that some people simply are more likable than others. And these are the 6 rare traits they usually share.

1) They try to make everyone feel included

Imagine you’ve just entered a new workplace or joined a new friend group.

You’re surrounded by people you don’t know very well, there are plenty of inside jokes you can’t wrap your head around, and all in all, you just feel a bit like… an outsider.

God, I hate that feeling. It’s like trying to pry open a sealed tin with a bottle opener – you’re so close to getting it right. Just not quite.

Enter… the person who makes everyone feel welcome!

One of my friends, Hannah, is exactly like this. Every time someone new has infiltrated our friend group or joined our party, she asks them questions, explains all the basics to them, and stands by their side so that they don’t feel lost and alone.

She’s the person who will always try to make sure no one lags behind and everyone’s comfortable.

And we all absolutely love her for it.

So, the first rare trait of a highly likable person is that they have an extremely inclusive and welcoming mindset. Their number one goal is to make everyone feel like they belong.

2) They’re very open to different perspectives and lifestyles

The second trait on our list is all about open-mindedness and acceptance.

Look, we all view the world through a highly subjective lens. Our educational background, the town and country we grew up in, our family dynamics, personality type, experiences…

These are all things that shape us into the unique individuals we are. It makes complete sense that two people with opposite experiences and views won’t necessarily get along.

But that’s where highly likable people truly shine.

Instead of approaching other people with judgment, they open their minds to them.

Instead of assuming a defensive stance from the get-go, they go into discussions with the intent to understand another person better.

Instead of stubbornly clinging to their old opinions despite evidence to the contrary, they are more than willing to research matters in more depth, think about the issue further, and possibly change their mind.

This doesn’t only help them remain objective to a certain degree and grow as a person but it also means that other people are more likely to warm up to them as they don’t feel judged or attacked when expressing their beliefs and opinions.

In other words, it opens the door to a respectful and empathetic debate.

3) They don’t take things too personally

One of the reasons likable people can lead polite and open-minded discussions is that they don’t necessarily attach their opinions to their sense of identity.

They understand that identity is a fluctuating state and that opinions can change, which means that they always try to detach from their ego and view the issue from a bird’s-eye perspective.

As a result, they don’t feel attacked when other people express an opinion that runs contrary to theirs and therefore don’t immediately go into defensive mode.  

It’s a very rare trait indeed. And it’s extremely powerful.

As Ryan Holiday says in Ego Is the Enemy,

“You must practice seeing yourself with a little distance, cultivating the ability to get out of your own head. Detachment is a sort of natural ego antidote. It’s easy to be emotionally invested and infatuated with your own work. Any and every narcissist can do that. What is rare is not raw talent, skill, or even confidence, but humility, diligence, and self-awareness.”

This doesn’t only apply to art and work but to all aspects of life.

4) They actually listen

Listening. A simple enough skill, right? I mean, more often than not, it just requires you to sit there without your earphones in and slightly focus on what the other person is saying.

But what if I told you that we’re actually much worse at listening than we think?

Yep, that’s right.

As an educator and author Clay Drinko PhD writes, “According to a survey, 96 percent of people think they are good listeners, yet people only retain about half of what others say, research shows.”

“People are often distracted, thinking about what they are going to say or making assumptions when listening, which can lead to misunderstandings,” he explains.

As you can see, it isn’t all that common for people to listen actively and stay in the present moment while someone else is talking. Hence why it’s such a rare trait.

Luckily, active listening is a skill that can be taught. Drinko says that “by removing distractions, staying curious, not making assumptions, allowing silence, and asking questions, people can become better listeners.”

Remember: listening is about your ability to truly focus on and empathize with what the other person is saying. It’s about being in the here and now with them.

It’s not about preparing what you’re going to say once it’s your turn or just letting them babble on while your head’s in the clouds.

5) They respect everyone’s boundaries (including their own)

Respecting other people’s autonomy shouldn’t be all that hard, right?

All you’ve got to do is stop pushing them to do things they don’t want to do and respect their wishes and boundaries as valid.

The sad truth is that far too many people fail to do precisely that.

If Jessica says that she doesn’t want to do X, Kylie will try to talk her into it for so long that Jessica gives in.

If Leonard is uncomfortable with Y, Oliver will gather the whole friend group to apply peer pressure and get Leonard to “overcome his fears” instead of just letting him be.

These may both be hidden behind banter, jokes, and playfulness, but the fact remains that they serve to push Jessica and Leonard’s boundaries and therefore disrespect their “no” and their inherent autonomy.

What’s more, it is one thing to respect another person’s boundaries and another thing entirely to respect one’s own.

That is to say, highly likable people don’t bend their boundaries just to please others. They prioritize their well-being because they know just how vital it is that they’re in a good place mentally, and so they honor both theirs and other people’s limits.

6) They want everyone to win

Finally, the most amazing trait about likable people is that they genuinely root for everyone.

Circling back to my friend Hannah, she has always been nothing but supportive.

Every time I reach an important milestone in my life, she’s there to cheer me on and celebrate my success. Every time I go through a rough patch, she stands by my side, ready to offer emotional support and advice.

No matter where she’s at in life, she genuinely wants me to be happy, healthy, and successful. There is no envy, no competition. Just pure love.

When you stumble upon a person who truly wishes everyone well, you can tell. They’ve got this wonderful energy of positivity and kindness around them. It’s a bit like getting bathed by sunlight.

So, if you have a person like this in your life…

Hold on to them. They’re very rare indeed.