6 behaviours Boomers still think are polite that actually make them look hopelessly out of touch

My dad called me three times during a client meeting last week. Not an emergency—he wanted to know if I’d seen the article about mortgage rates in the newspaper. When I texted back “in a meeting, will call later,” he called again to ask what kind of meeting, and good luck.

Neither of us is wrong, exactly. He learned that frequent contact showed love. I learned that respecting people’s time means texting first. These generational collisions happen everywhere, where yesterday’s courtesy becomes today’s social fumble.

1. Dropping by without warning

Boomers grew up when doors stayed unlocked and neighbors wandered into kitchens for coffee. Unexpected visitors meant connection, community. My parents still glow about friends who’d “appear” for dinner—everyone squeezing in, making room.

Modern life runs on shared calendars and scheduled everything. We’re juggling Zoom therapy, remote meetings, carefully protected downtime. The unannounced doorbell triggers panic, not delight. Our homes are offices, gyms, sanctuaries that need mental prep for guests. A quick “heading over, free?” text transforms intrusion into invitation. Same warmth, different wrapper.

2. Calling instead of texting for non-emergencies

“I hate texting,” my dad announces, then calls during my meetings to ask what I want for Christmas. In July. To him, voices equal caring. Real connection requires vocal cords.

Phone calls feel like ambushes to younger generations. We’re perpetually mid-task, mid-thought. Texts let us respond when mentally available, not when the phone demands it. There’s also efficiency: two lines of text beats ten minutes of call that opens with weather and wanders toward the point. We haven’t abandoned phones—we’ve just made them appointment-only.

3. Leaving voicemails after voicemails

Your missed call is the message. It’s right there on the screen. Still, Boomers leave “Hi, it’s me, call me back” voicemails, as if we won’t recognize their number after decades.

Millennials see voicemail as administrative burden—retrieve, listen, delete, repeat. That red notification triggers mild dread. We saw you called. Trust us to return it when we can actually talk. The voicemail explaining you called to ask something you could’ve texted in five words? That’s why our phones live on silent now.

4. Commenting on appearance as conversation starters

“You look tired.” “Have you lost weight?” “Interesting haircut choice.” Boomers deploy appearance commentary like conversational lubricant. They mean it kindly—showing they notice you, see you.

These observations land differently now. Weight, exhaustion, appearance—they’re loaded with mental health implications, body image struggles, private battles. Younger folks want substance: ask about projects, passions, the podcast we’re obsessed with. Appearance comments feel invasive when we’re all curating our images online while wrestling with them privately.

5. Using formal titles and resisting first names

Mrs. Henderson insists the twentysomething barista call her “Mrs. Henderson.” Not Carol. Never Carol. It’s about respect, proper boundaries, social order.

Younger generations read this differently. Enforced formality creates walls, implies hierarchy based solely on age. The professional world flattened—CEOs are “Steve,” professors become “Mike” post-graduation. Demanding titles when everyone else has gone casual feels less like maintaining standards, more like claiming a throne nobody’s offering.

6. Correcting grammar in casual contexts

Your/you’re, their/there—Boomers can’t resist. They’re self-appointed guardians of proper English, dispensing corrections nobody requested.

We know the rules. That loose text spelling? That’s code-switching, not ignorance. We’re fluent in multiple registers—professional email, friend text, work Slack. Correcting casual communication misunderstands that language evolves, that midnight messages prioritize connection over conjugation. Nobody asked for copy editing on their Instagram stories. The red pen routine feels patronizing when wielded uninvited.

Final thoughts

These behaviors aren’t character flaws—they’re software from a different operating system. Boomers learned rules that once signaled consideration and proper upbringing. Those rules made sense for smaller communities, fewer channels, clearer hierarchies.

Courtesy evolves. What reads as polite to one generation lands as presumptuous to another. Good manners means adapting to your audience, not enforcing your template.

The real etiquette might be simpler than any generation admits: notice how people prefer to be treated, then treat them that way. Even if it means texting first.