10 signs they’re only with you because being alone is scarier

There’s a profound difference between being with someone out of love and being with them out of fear of loneliness.

The difference, you ask? Well, it all boils down to authenticity. Being with someone because you’re scared of being alone is like wearing a mask, concealing your true feelings.

On the flip side, choosing to be with someone because you genuinely love them, that’s transparency. You’re not hiding anything—you’re just being you.

But how can you tell if your partner is merely using you as a safety net from loneliness? Well, there are subtle signs that can help you discern the truth.

In this piece, I’ll be sharing 10 clear-cut signs that they might just be with you because the thought of being alone terrifies them more than anything else.

1) They’re always seeking reassurance

Reassurance is a key ingredient in any relationship. It helps foster trust and keeps the bond strong. But there’s a line between wanting occasional reassurance and needing constant validation.

Ever notice how your partner asks for reassurance more than usual?

Whether it’s about their attractiveness, your feelings for them, or even their place in your life, they always seem to need you to reaffirm your commitment.

This constant need for reassurance might not be about you at all. It could be a sign that they’re scared of being alone.

They might not be seeking confirmation of your love for them; instead, they could be seeking confirmation that they won’t be left alone.

It’s important, though, to make sure this isn’t just an occasional insecurity surfacing. But if it’s a constant pattern, then it might be time to have an open conversation about why they feel this way.

2) They avoid meaningful conversations

Now, this one hits a little close to home for me.

I remember being in a relationship where it felt like we were just going through the motions. We’d spend time together, sure, but our conversations were always surface-level.

Whenever I tried to delve into deeper topics, any discussions about our future, personal growth, or even our individual fears and dreams, my partner would quickly steer the conversation towards something trivial.

Looking back now, I realise it was a sign.

They were comfortable in the security of our relationship but shied away from anything that might rock the boat and lead to potential conflict or worse—being alone.

If your partner is consistently avoiding meaningful conversations, it could be a sign that they value the safety of your relationship more than its substance.

3) They’re overly clingy

Clinginess in a relationship can sometimes be endearing. But when it becomes excessive, it can hint at underlying issues.

Did you know that psychologists often link excessive clinginess to fear of abandonment?

It’s true. Individuals who dread being alone tend to exhibit signs of clinginess, as they subconsciously or consciously try to ensure their partner won’t leave them.

If your partner constantly needs to be around you, texts and calls persistently when you’re apart, or gets anxious when you spend time with others, it could be more than just affection.

It might be a sign that they fear loneliness more than they value a healthy, balanced relationship.

4) They’re quick to compromise

Compromise is a crucial part of any healthy relationship. However, constantly giving in or agreeing to everything you say or suggest isn’t.

If your partner always seems eager to side with you, even when it means giving up their own preferences or desires, it might seem like they’re just being considerate.

But this could also be a sign that they’re scared of causing any conflict that might lead to a break-up, and subsequently, being alone.

Remember, a relationship should be a partnership where both voices are equally heard and respected. If only one voice is always heard, it’s not a dialogue—it’s a monologue.

5) They avoid spending time alone

Everyone needs a little me-time now and then. It’s healthy and helps us maintain individuality, even in a relationship.

But if your partner never seems to want time alone and always needs to be around you or others, it might be a red flag.

This could indicate that they’re not comfortable being by themselves and rely heavily on the presence of others to feel secure.

If alone time seems to be a foreign concept to them, it might be because being alone is scarier than anything else.

It’s essential to address this issue before it starts affecting the health of your relationship.

6) They’re reluctant to talk about their past

Everyone has a past, and it’s often filled with experiences and memories that have shaped us into who we are today.

Sharing these with our partner can bring us closer, letting them understand us on a deeper level.

But what if your partner is always hesitant to talk about their past? It’s not always about hiding something.

Sometimes, it’s because they’re scared. Scared that you might not like what you hear and decide to leave them, plunging them back into the loneliness they dread.

It’s a delicate situation, but one that needs to be addressed with care and understanding. Being open about our past is a significant step towards a more profound connection in a relationship.

If they’re withholding this, it might be because the fear of being alone is greater.

7) They’re always on edge when you argue

Arguments are part and parcel of any relationship. They can even help strengthen the bond if handled maturely.

But I remember a time when every disagreement with my partner felt like a high-stakes game.

Whenever we disagreed, no matter how small, they would become incredibly anxious, almost as if they were walking on eggshells. It was as though each argument might be the one that ended our relationship.

Now I understand that this wasn’t just about the argument. It was driven by their fear of being alone.

They were so scared of losing me that even a minor disagreement felt like a potential breakup to them.

If your partner acts similarly during arguments, this could be a sign of their fear of loneliness.

8) They’re overly independent

This one might seem a bit surprising. You’d think that someone who fears being alone would be less independent, right? But often, the opposite can be true.

Some people who dread loneliness overcompensate by projecting an image of extreme independence. They might insist on doing everything themselves and rarely ask for help.

It’s their way of showing that they can stand on their own two feet, even if, beneath the surface, they’re terrified of having to do so.

So, if your partner seems unusually independent and self-reliant, it could be a protective measure against their fear of being alone.

It’s their way of proving to themselves (and maybe to you) that they can handle things on their own if necessary.

9) They rush into milestones

Every relationship has its own pace.

But if your partner is always in a hurry to reach the next milestone—be it saying “I love you”, moving in together, or even talking about marriage—it might be a sign of their fear of being alone.

Rushing into milestones could be their way of securing the relationship and reducing their fear of you leaving them.

It’s as if reaching these markers somehow confirms that the relationship is serious, making them feel safer.

Remember, it’s important to move at a pace that feels comfortable for both partners. If you feel rushed, it may be worth discussing this with them.

10) They’re always making future plans

Making future plans is a normal part of any relationship. However, if your partner is constantly making long-term plans, it could be more than just excitement about your shared future.

Continually talking about the future could be their way of reassuring themselves that you’re not going anywhere.

It’s as if having these plans in place secures their place in your life, reducing their fear of being alone.

Remember, while it’s great to look forward to the future together, it’s equally important to live in and enjoy the present.

If the future seems to be their only focus, it might be a sign that they’re scared of being left alone.

Final thought: It’s about understanding, not blaming

The complexity of human emotions and relationships often surpasses our understanding. One such complexity is the fear of being alone.

This fear can shape our behavior in ways we might not even realize. It can make us clingy or overly independent, rush into milestones, or constantly seek reassurance.

It’s important to remember that if your partner exhibits these signs, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or value the relationship.

It’s just that their fear of being alone might be overshadowing their genuine emotions.

Understanding this and addressing it with compassion can help strengthen your bond.

It’s not about attributing blame, but about navigating these complexities together, fostering a stronger, more authentic connection.

After all, relationships are about growing together—through understanding, patience, and love.