7 phrases fake-nice people use to make you feel like the problem

You know the saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer”? Well, sometimes it’s not that straightforward.

Have you ever wondered why certain interactions leave you feeling like the bad guy, even when you were sure you did nothing wrong?

Here’s a little secret.

It could be because of what I like to call “fake-nice people”. These individuals have a knack for using certain phrases that subtly shift the blame onto you, making you question your own actions.

In this article, I aim to shine a light on these often overlooked tactics.

We’ll uncover seven telltale phrases used by such individuals to make you feel like you’re the problem when in reality, you’re not.

This is not about pointing fingers or creating divisions but rather about enhancing our understanding of one another.

By recognizing these phrases, we can better navigate our social interactions in a more informed and confident manner.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your actions after an interaction, keep reading. You might just find the answers you’ve been looking for.

1) “I’m not being rude, you’re just too sensitive”

Sound familiar?

This is a classic deflection technique.

The person using this phrase is essentially trying to shift the blame onto you, making you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive.

In reality, they might be the ones crossing boundaries or being disrespectful.

Remember, your feelings are valid. If something or someone makes you uncomfortable, it’s important to acknowledge that.

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for expressing your emotions or standing up for yourself.

By recognizing such phrases, we can better understand the dynamics at play and handle situations more effectively. It’s all about promoting healthier and more respectful conversations.

After all, isn’t that what we all deserve?

2) “You took that the wrong way”

Ever been in a situation where someone says something hurtful, and when you express your feelings, they respond with, “You took that the wrong way”?

I remember a time when I was working on a project with a colleague. They made a comment about my work that felt quite harsh.

When I expressed that their words were hurtful, their response was, “You’re taking that the wrong way. I was just giving constructive feedback.”

In this instance, the phrase was used as a tool to dismiss my feelings and put the responsibility of their hurtful comment back onto me.

The key here is to recognize that if someone’s words hurt you, it’s not necessarily because you took it the wrong way.

It could be because they didn’t deliver their message in a considerate or respectful manner.

It’s crucial to keep this in mind and not let such phrases undermine your feelings or self-worth.

3) “I was just joking!”

We’ve all been there. A stinging comment followed by a swift, “I was just joking!”

This phrase can be a clever disguise for insults or criticism, masked under the guise of humor. The problem? It makes you question whether you’re overreacting to a ‘joke’, even when it hurts.

A while back, a friend of mine made a casual remark about my career choices. When I reacted, they quickly followed up with, “I was just joking! Can’t you take a joke?”

It left me questioning my reaction, my sense of humor, and even my career choices.

The reality is, humor should never be used as an excuse to belittle or hurt someone. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

You have every right to express your discomfort without being made to feel like you lack a sense of humor.

Recognizing this phrase can help us stand our ground and encourage respectful communication.

After all, the best jokes are those that make everyone laugh, not at the expense of someone’s feelings.

4) “You’re overthinking it”

Now this one can be a little tricky to navigate.

The phrase “You’re overthinking it” can often be used as a way to dismiss your concerns or worries. It’s as if your thoughts are being deemed as unnecessary or irrational.

I recall a time when I was planning a group event and had concerns about certain logistics.

When I voiced these to a team member, their response was, “You’re overthinking it. It will work itself out.” This made me feel like my careful planning was seen as unnecessary worry.

While it’s true that we can sometimes get caught up in our thoughts, it’s also important to remember that our concerns and worries are valid.

They deserve to be heard and addressed, not dismissed or minimized.

So, the next time someone tells you that you’re overthinking it, remember that it could just be their way of avoiding a deeper discussion or brushing off your concerns.

Trust your instincts and continue voicing your thoughts – they matter.

5) “Don’t take it personally”

This phrase can be a master of disguise, masking criticism or hurtful comments under a veil of supposed objectivity.

Here’s an interesting perspective.

According to communication experts, as much as 93% of our communication is non-verbal. This means that the way something is said – the tone, body language, and context – can often carry more weight than the actual words used.

So when someone says, “Don’t take it personally,” they might be trying to detach themselves from the impact of their words. But if their comment feels personal, it probably is.

Remember, if someone’s words hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable, your feelings are valid, irrespective of how they frame their comments.

Being able to identify such phrases can help us maintain our self-respect and foster healthier communication.

6) “I didn’t mean to upset you”

This phrase can often be used as a quick escape route when someone realizes they’ve upset you with their words or actions.

Let me share something with you. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt people without intending to. That’s part of being human.

But what matters the most is how we respond when we realize we’ve caused hurt.

When someone says, “I didn’t mean to upset you,” but doesn’t follow it up with a sincere apology or an effort to understand why you were upset, it can feel like they’re avoiding accountability for their actions.

Your feelings are your own, and nobody has the right to tell you how to feel or not feel.

If someone’s words or actions have upset you, it’s important that they listen and try to understand why, rather than dismissing your feelings with a quick phrase.

Identifying such phrases can help us stand up for our emotional well-being and promote more sincere and compassionate interactions.

7) “I was just being honest”

Honesty is a virtue, but it should never be used as an excuse to hurt or belittle others.

When someone follows up a hurtful comment with, “I was just being honest,” it can make you feel like you’re wrong for being upset at their ‘honesty’.

But the truth is, there’s a vast difference between being honest and being hurtful.

Honesty is about telling the truth in a kind and respectful manner. If someone uses honesty as an excuse to demean or belittle you, it’s not your fault for feeling hurt.

It’s their responsibility to communicate their truth in a more sensitive and considerate way.

Remember, recognizing these phrases is not about blaming others or holding grudges. It’s about understanding the dynamics of our interactions and striving for healthier, more respectful communication.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect – always.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these phrases is the first step in understanding the dynamics of your interactions.

But here’s the key point – it’s not about pointing fingers or holding onto resentment. It’s about empowering yourself through understanding and awareness.

This awareness allows you to navigate conversations more effectively. You can stand up for yourself when necessary, express your feelings without guilt and maintain healthier relationships.

So, start observing.

Notice when these phrases come up in conversations. How do they make you feel? Are they affecting your self-worth or confidence? These are important questions to ask.

Remember, changing deep-seated habits is a journey, not a race. It takes time and patience.

But each step you take towards healthier communication is a step towards better self-esteem and stronger relationships.

So keep learning, keep growing, and remember – your feelings are valid. You deserve respect and understanding, just like everyone else. After all, that’s what real friendship is all about.