7 signs you’re everyone’s ‘safe’ friend but nobody’s ‘fun’ friend

You know, I’ve always believed in the saying, “Variety is the spice of life.”

It rings true for so many aspects of our existence, including the friendships we cultivate.

Think about it: When you look at your circle of friends, you probably notice a wide range of personalities.

There’s the wild one, always up for an adventure. Then there’s the wise one, your go-to person for advice. But what about you? Do you ever feel like you’re merely the ‘safe’ friend?

You might be wondering, “What’s wrong with being the safe friend?”

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it as being reliable and trustworthy are admirable traits, but it’s also okay to desire a shift in role within your friendship group.

How do you know if you’re stuck in the ‘safe’ zone? Here are seven signs that could indicate just that:

1) You’re the designated problem solver

It’s late at night, your phone rings, and it’s your friend needing advice on their latest crisis.

Sound familiar? It’s great to be trusted and valued for your wisdom, but if these scenarios are a constant, you might be in ‘safe’ friend territory.

Being the problem solver means you’re seen as reliable and level-headed. Yet, this perception can skew towards you being viewed as less spontaneous or ‘fun’.

Sure, it feels good to help out and be there for your friends in times of need, but remember that friendship is also about sharing laughter, light-heartedness and joy.

So, what can you do? Try switching up your role occasionally.

Encourage fun activities or share a funny story about your day, and let them see the other sides of you.

It’s like proofreading a document—sometimes we need to add in a few exclamation points to break up the more serious tone.

2) You’re always the listener, rarely the talker

I remember one evening I was out with friends.

As usual, I found myself on the listening end of the conversation—nodding, empathising and offering advice—but when it was my turn to share, I noticed eyes drifting, attention waning.

That’s when it hit me: I had become comfortable in my role as the listener, so much so, that my friends were unaccustomed to me sharing about my own life.

It’s a common trait among ‘safe’ friends as we’re often so focused on providing a comforting presence that we forget to express our own thoughts and experiences.

Just like when editing a manuscript, where both the writer’s and editor’s perspectives are vital, in friendships too, it’s important for both parties to share and listen.

Start sharing more about your life and your interests. Your friends might be surprised to discover this new aspect of your personality.

3) Your social calendar is a bit too predictable

If your social calendar is filled with coffee dates, movie nights at home, and quiet dinners, but rarely any adventurous outings or spontaneous get-togethers, that’s another sign.

Not that there’s anything wrong with these activities, but variety, as they say, is the spice of life.

It’s not about becoming a thrill-seeker overnight or abandoning your preference for quieter activities but, if you’re seeking to move away from the ‘safe’ friend tag, shaking things up could be beneficial.

The next time you’re planning a get-together, suggest something different: Try a hike, a dance class, an escape room or even a road trip.

You might just surprise your friends (and yourself!) by showing them that you can be ‘fun’ as well as ‘safe’.

4) You shy away from sharing your opinions

Picture this: You’re at a gathering, and a topic comes up that you feel strongly about. You have opinions, ideas, even experiences that could add value to the conversation. But you hesitate, opting to stay quiet instead.

Sounds like you? Often, ‘safe’ friends hold back their opinions for fear of disrupting the peace or causing conflict.

But, remember, friendship isn’t just about harmony; it’s also about healthy debates and learning from each other’s perspectives.

Don’t ever shy away from expressing your thoughts.

5) You’re not the first choice for fun plans

Research shows that experiences, not things, contribute more to our happiness. Missing out on these shared experiences could mean missing out on opportunities to create joyful memories with your friends.

How about this: Start showing interest in different activities and be open to new experiences.

This shift might not only enhance your friendships but also contribute to your overall happiness.

It’s like when an author experiments with a new writing style; it might be unfamiliar at first, but ultimately, it adds depth and variety to their work.

6) You feel you’re not ‘fun’ enough

It’s okay if you’ve ever felt like you’re not ‘fun’ enough because we all have moments of self-doubt, especially when we compare ourselves to others.

You’re more than enough just the way you are.

Being ‘fun’ is subjective because hat might seem fun to one person could be exhausting to another.

It’s not about trying to fit a particular mold but finding the balance between being true to yourself and being open to growth.

The key is to recognize your value and understand that being ‘fun’ doesn’t necessarily mean being the life of the party. It could simply mean bringing your authentic self to every interaction and being open to new experiences.

7) You’re always in comfort zone

If you’re always in your comfort zone, rarely willing to take risks or try new things, chances are you’re the ‘safe’ friend.

However, growth often happens when we step outside our comfort zones.

Take it from me: Taking risks doesn’t mean doing things that make you uncomfortable or go against your values. It could be as simple as initiating a conversation with a stranger, trying a new cuisine, or picking up a new hobby.

In the end, stepping out of your comfort zone could lead to unexpected and rewarding experiences.

Embrace your evolution

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, remember this: It’s not a life sentence as you have the ability to evolve and diversify your role within your friendships.

The journey isn’t so much about changing who you are, but rather expanding your perception of yourself and about embracing the fact that you’re multi-faceted with a range of emotions and sides to express.

Start by stepping out of your comfort zone and try new things, share your opinions, and refrain from shying away from showing your fun side. It might feel unfamiliar at first, but with time, you’ll find a balance that feels right for you.

There’s no right or wrong way to be a friend because what matters most is authenticity.