7 signs you’re the problem in every relationship (brutal but true)

As humans, we often hate to admit when we’re wrong and that’s especially true when it comes to our relationships.

It’s far easier to point the finger at our partners, friends, or colleagues than to take a long, hard look at ourselves.

But, sometimes, the real problem lies within us, and that’s a bitter pill to swallow.

Being the root of the issue in every relationship isn’t something any of us want to hear.

But guess what? It’s sometimes true—and the first step to fixing it is recognising it.

I’ll be laying-out seven brutal (but true) signs that you might be the problem in all your relationships.

Brace yourself because this won’t be easy but, remember, acknowledging the problem is the first step toward change:

1) You’re always ‘right’

It’s no secret that everyone likes to be right. But when you always think you’re the one who’s right in every situation, it’s time to take a step back.

No one is perfect, and that includes you.

If you’re constantly pushing your perspective and belittling others’ opinions, it’s annoying and harmful.

In any relationship, mutual respect is crucial.

This habit can sneak up on you. It might start as confidence in your knowledge or decisions, but it can quickly morph into stubbornness.

If you find yourself dismissing other people’s thoughts and feelings or find your conversations often end up in arguments because you can’t accept any opposing views, this could be a sign that you’re the problem in your relationships.

Admitting you’re wrong shows maturity and respect for others and, sometimes, that’s what makes all the difference.

2) You don’t listen

This one hits close to home: A few years back, I had a friend who used to tell me that I never really listened to her.

I dismissed it at first, thinking she was just exaggerating.

But then, one day, we were having a deep discussion about her struggles at work. She was sharing about how stressed she was and how she felt undervalued.

There I was, already preparing my response in my head, barely absorbing what she was saying.

That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t really listening.

I was too focused on my own thoughts, my own advice, forgetting that sometimes people just need to be heard.

Listening is an art and a crucial one at that. If you’re always waiting for your turn to speak rather than genuinely hearing what the other person is saying, it might be a sign that you’re the problem.

It’s not about being silent; it’s about being present, showing empathy, putting your own thoughts and solutions aside for a moment, and just being there for the other person.

Trust me, once I started really listening, my relationships improved significantly.

3) You’re not accountable

We all make mistakes and that’s a part of being human.

But have you ever noticed that some people never seem to own up to theirs?

Studies have actually shown that people who fail to take responsibility for their actions and instead blame others or external circumstances are more likely to struggle in their relationships.

If you’ve noticed that you have a pattern of blaming others, or even worse, playing the victim, it’s time to do some self-reflection.

Taking responsibility for your actions shows integrity and maturity. It allows for growth and learning, and most importantly, it builds trust in your relationships.

The next time you find yourself about to point the finger at someone else, stop for a moment and ask yourself: “What was my role in this situation?”

It might be a tough question to answer, but it’s an important one.

4) You’re overly critical

Criticism, when constructive, can be a valuable tool for growth.

However, when it’s constant and harsh then that’s when it becomes destructive.

If you find yourself always picking at flaws, focusing on what’s wrong instead of what’s right, it might be a sign that you’re the problem.

In failing relationships, there is vastly more negative communication than positive. Being overly critical can make the other person feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you, causing stress and tension.

Remember, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

Instead of always focusing on what someone is doing wrong, try acknowledging what they are doing right. It can make a world of difference in your relationships.

5) You avoid conflicts

I used to believe that avoiding conflicts was the best way to keep the peace. I thought that by brushing things under the carpet, I was doing everyone a favor. I was wrong.

Avoiding conflicts doesn’t make them disappear. Instead, it allows resentment and misunderstandings to build up. It might seem like everything’s fine on the surface, but underneath, it’s a ticking time bomb.

It wasn’t until I had a major fallout with a close friend that I realized how damaging this can be.

We hadn’t addressed smaller issues along the way and eventually, it all blew up.

Facing conflicts head-on can be uncomfortable, yes, but it’s necessary. It allows for open communication, understanding, and growth in your relationships.

If you’re someone who tends to shy away from confrontations or difficult discussions, it might be time to rethink your approach.

6) You don’t respect boundaries

Every individual has their own set of personal boundaries, whether they’re emotional, physical, or mental.

These boundaries are crucial for maintaining a sense of self and ensuring healthy interaction with others.

If you’re constantly crossing these lines, ignoring or belittling the boundaries set by others, it’s a clear sign of trouble.

Disrespecting someone’s boundaries not only shows a lack of empathy and understanding but also disrupts the balance of the relationship. It can make the other person feel trapped, disrespected, and undervalued.

Understanding and respecting boundaries is a significant part of maintaining healthy relationships. It shows that you value the other person’s comfort and individuality as much as your own.

Take a moment to reflect: Are you respecting the boundaries set by others in your life?

7) You don’t make time for others

Time is one of the most precious things we can give to someone. It shows that we value them and their place in our lives.

If you’re always too busy, cancelling plans last minute, not responding to messages or calls, it sends a message that they’re not a priority.

Relationships require effort and commitment. They need time and attention to grow and thrive.

If you’re not willing or able to give that, it can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment.

Remember, making time for someone is a choice. It’s about showing them that they matter and that you appreciate their presence in your life.

If you find yourself constantly ‘too busy’ for others, it might be a sign that you’re the problem in your relationships.

Final reflection: The power of self-awareness

The journey of self-improvement begins with understanding ourselves. It’s about acknowledging our flaws, embracing our strengths, and striving for growth.

If you recognized yourself in any of these signs, don’t despair.

Self-awareness is the first step towards change. It allows us to understand where we might be going wrong and gives us the opportunity to correct our course.

Remember, no one is perfect and we all have areas we need to work on.

However, by being honest with ourselves and willing to make changes, we can improve not only our relationships but also our overall quality of life.

Take this moment for introspection and reflect on your actions, your attitudes, and your behaviors.

You might just find that the key to healthier, happier relationships has been within you all along!