Adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups usually display these 10 behaviors

There’s a peculiar phenomenon many of us experience as we transition into adulthood.

It’s the feeling that despite our age, we’re just ‘pretending’ to be grown-ups.

Being an adult isn’t about hitting a certain age or ticking off specific milestones.

Rather, it’s about a mindset, a way of thinking and behaving. Those of us who feel like we’re still playing at being adults often exhibit certain behaviours.

These behaviours aren’t necessarily negative, but they can hinder our growth and sense of self-confidence. Understanding them can help us truly step into our adult roles.

In this article, we’ll delve into ten key behaviours that adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups usually display.

Stick around, you might just recognise a few in yourself!

1) Over-reliance on opinion of others

Whether we’re choosing a restaurant or a life partner, many of us have a tendency to lean on the opinions of others.

For adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups, this reliance can become even more pronounced.

It’s as if we’re looking for a stamp of approval, a reassurance that we’re making the ‘right’ choices.

Sure, it’s normal to value the input of those we trust, but when we constantly second-guess our decisions or feel the need to seek validation for every single choice, it might be a sign that we’re not fully embracing our adulthood.

Growing up involves developing confidence in our judgement and becoming comfortable with making our own decisions.

The opinions of others can guide us, but they shouldn’t dictate our lives.

After all, it’s our journey and we’re the ones who need to live with our choices.

2) Fear of confronting problems

I remember when I was younger, I would often push my problems under the rug, hoping they would magically disappear.

If I had a disagreement with a friend, I’d avoid them until it blew over; if I made a mistake at work, I’d just hope no one noticed.

As an adult, I’ve learned that this approach rarely solves anything. In fact, it usually complicates matters further.

Even as an adult, though, there are times when that instinct to hide from problems rather than confront them head-on still creeps up.

It’s as if there’s a part of me that’s still playing at being grown-up, hoping that by ignoring issues they’ll simply evaporate.

Overcoming this behaviour requires a conscious effort to face problems directly and seek solutions proactively. It’s not always easy, but it’s a crucial part of growing up and taking charge of our own lives.

We’re not kids anymore, so we can’t just hide under the bed and hope the monsters go away.

3) Procrastination

Procrastination is something we all grapple with at some point or another.

For adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups, procrastination can be a frequent visitor.

It’s like an escape hatch, allowing us to avoid the discomfort, anxiety or stress that a particular task may bring.

The problem is, procrastination has a nasty habit of amplifying these very emotions.

By putting off tasks, we’re not only delaying the inevitable, but also adding an extra layer of stress and guilt.

Stepping into our adult selves involves recognizing this pattern and finding strategies to manage our tasks and emotions more effectively.

It’s about learning that immediate gratification often leads to long-term discomfort, and that facing tasks head-on can bring a real sense of accomplishment and relief.

4) Difficulty accepting responsibility

When things go wrong, it’s so easy to play the blame game.

It’s the traffic’s fault we’re late, it’s our coworker’s fault that project didn’t get finished, or it’s our partner’s fault we had an argument.

Yet, one of the hallmarks of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions and decisions.

This doesn’t mean shouldering blame for everything that happens, but rather acknowledging our role in the situations we find ourselves in.

For adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups, accepting responsibility can be a tough pill to swallow.

It’s much easier to deflect blame than to confront our own shortcomings or accept the consequences of our actions.

As we grow and mature, we learn that taking responsibility is not about self-blame or guilt, but about empowerment. It’s about having control over our own lives and learning from our mistakes so we can make better choices in the future.

5) Struggling with self-care

Let’s be honest, adulting is hard—it’s a balancing act of work, relationships, health, and personal growth.

Sometimes, amidst all this juggling, self-care falls by the wayside.

This is especially true for adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups.

There’s a sense of guilt associated with taking time for ourselves, as if we’re being selfish or neglecting our responsibilities.

However, self-care is a necessity and it’s about maintaining our physical, emotional and mental well-being so we can function at our best.

Those who have truly embraced adulthood understand this. They know that taking care of themselves is not an act of selfishness, but one of self-respect.

It allows us to show up in the world as our best selves and contribute more effectively to the people and tasks that depend on us.

6) Feeling like an impostor

Have you ever felt like a fraud, as if you’re just waiting for someone to uncover the ‘truth’ that you’re not as competent or capable as you seem?

This is often referred to as ‘impostor syndrome’, and it’s something many of us struggle with—especially those of us who feel like we’re simply pretending to be adults.

Impostor syndrome can make us question our achievements, downplay our successes and constantly fear being ‘found out’. It can prevent us from taking on new challenges, hinder our growth and keep us stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.

While it’s not easy to overcome, acknowledging these feelings is a crucial first step.

Nobody has it all figured out, and everyone struggles with feelings of inadequacy at times.

Embracing adulthood means understanding that we are all works in progress.

It means giving ourselves the grace to learn, grow and make mistakes along the way.

Most importantly, it involves recognizing our worth and celebrating our achievements—no matter how small they may seem.

7) Avoiding difficult conversations

Once, a close friend of mine made some remarks that really hurt me.

Instead of addressing it directly, I chose to brush it off and pretend everything was fine.

The result? A strained relationship and a lot of bottled-up resentment.

This tendency to avoid difficult conversations is common among adults who feel like they’re still pretending to be grown-ups. It’s as if we’re afraid to rock the boat, worried that expressing our feelings might lead to conflict or rejection.

Difficult conversations are a part of life. They’re necessary for resolving issues, setting boundaries and maintaining healthy relationships.

Avoiding these conversations doesn’t make the problems disappear. Instead, it often magnifies them, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.

Becoming a grown-up involves developing the courage to express our feelings honestly and respectfully.

It’s about learning to navigate these difficult conversations in a way that fosters understanding and growth, rather than strife.

8) Seeking perfection

It’s natural to want to do things right.

We all strive for excellence in different areas of our lives, but there’s a fine line between striving for excellence and chasing perfection.

For adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups, this pursuit of perfection can become an exhausting treadmill.

It’s as if we believe that by being perfect, we can finally feel like ‘real’ adults.

The irony is, the more we chase after perfection, the more it eludes us—the more it eludes us, the more we feel like impostors.

Here’s a surprising truth: Embracing adulthood is not about being perfect. It’s about embracing our flaws and learning from our mistakes and understanding that it’s okay to be a work in progress and that struggling is part of the journey.

Real growth happens when we stumble, learn and pick ourselves up to strive again.

9) Fear of taking risks

Taking risks can be scary. The unknown, the possibility of failure, the potential for loss – it’s enough to make anyone hesitate.

For adults who still feel like they’re pretending to be grown-ups, this fear can become a paralyzing force.

It’s as if we’re stuck in a safety zone, too afraid to venture out and explore new opportunities or experiences.

Here’s the thing: Life is full of risks. Whether it’s starting a new job, moving to a new city, or even falling in love—every worthwhile endeavor involves some level of risk.

Learning to manage this fear and embrace calculated risks is a crucial part of adulthood.

It’s about understanding that failure isn’t the end of the world but a chance to learn and grow.

Stepping out of our comfort zone can lead us to incredible opportunities and experiences we would have otherwise missed.

10) Believing adulthood is a final destination

One of the biggest misconceptions many of us hold is that adulthood is some sort of finish line.

We think that once we hit a certain age, achieve certain milestones, or have certain experiences, we’ll finally feel like ‘real’ adults.

However, adulthood is a journey. It’s not about ticking off boxes or meeting societal expectations but, rather, about growing, learning, and becoming the best version of ourselves.

If you’re feeling like you’re just pretending to be a grown-up, remember this: there’s no rulebook or timeline for adulthood.

We’re all figuring it out as we go along, and that’s perfectly okay!

Final thoughts: Embrace the journey

The complexities of adulthood are deeply intertwined with the process of personal growth and self-discovery.

We’re all figuring things out as we go, seeking growth, experience, and knowledge.

There’s no definitive checklist or timeline for feeling like a ‘real’ adult.

If you find yourself identifying with some or all of these behaviors, take heart.

It doesn’t mean you’re failing at adulthood. Instead, it signals that you’re still growing, still learning, and that’s perfectly okay.

Embrace the journey and take the lessons from each stumble and stride, for they are shaping you into the person you are meant to be.