7 signs a man lacks emotional maturity, according to psychology

Do you know a man whose body is fully grown but whose emotions seem to be lagging way behind?

According to the American Psychological Association, emotional maturity is “a high and appropriate level of emotional control and expression.”

On the other hand, emotional immaturity is defined as “a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation.”

So when we think of someone who’s emotionally immature, they’re not great at handling their emotions or expressing them appropriately.

But let’s delve deeper into what psychology has to say about this.

We’re going to look at men’s behavior, patterns, and tendencies to find seven signs a man lacks emotional maturity, according to psychology.

And finally, we’ll look at what to do if you’re in a relationship with a man like this.

So, let’s get cracking!

1) He struggles with interpersonal relationships.

The APA suggests that “emotional immaturity” is a lay term that replaces maladjustment. This is the “inability to maintain effective relationships, function successfully in various domains, or cope with difficulties and stresses.”

So we can already see from the definition that an emotionally immature man is one who will struggle with interpersonal relationships.

We’re not just talking about romantic relationships here, though these are included as well.

Emotionally immature men can have trouble in relationships with friends, coworkers, family, you name it, for reasons that will become clear later.

If they have low emotional understanding, the quality of their relationships can suffer, and the men can have difficulty interpreting social situations.

2) He’s not self-aware.

Self-awareness is seen as part of the path of self-development for most healthy individuals.

According to one definition, “Self-awareness can be broadly defined as the extent to which people are consciously aware of their internal states and their interactions or relationships with others.”

This can also be broken down into situational self-awareness, meaning paying attention to how we’re behaving in various situations, and dispositional self-awareness, or how we reflect on our inner experiences.

While we all have some level of self-awareness, a man who lacks emotional maturity may be less aware of how he behaves towards others, and this can cause problems in his relationships.

He will likely also spend less time and energy reflecting on his own psychology. 

However, studies have also found that some men will ruminate or repeatedly focus on their own behavioral errors or inadequacies. Rumination may reveal a high level of self-analysis; however, it focuses on negatives and is normally inaccurate.

So, on the one hand, an emotionally immature man might not pay much attention to his own thoughts and behavior, but on the other hand, he might obsess about his own negative aspects and cause himself unnecessary unhappiness.

3) He doesn’t accept himself.

Self-acceptance is the ability to understand and appreciate one’s own positive and negative qualities. 

One suggestion is that people who have low self-acceptance had parents with low levels of empathy when they were young. Their opinions of themselves are, therefore, low and they look to external sources for validation and approval to try to build their opinions of themselves.

So men who don’t accept their whole selves, who reject or try to ignore parts of themselves they don’t like, will lack confidence and often seek external validation.

This can lead to a life filled with stress and anxiety because he will worry about everything from his personality to his body. By worrying, ignoring, or criticizing, he can actually make everything he’s worried about worse.

This can have big effects on his happiness and his ability to form strong relationships.

4) He’s not autonomous.

Autonomy has been for people long before the concept of self-driving cars.

The APA considers autonomy to mean “a state of independence and self-determination” as well as “the experience of acting from choice, rather than feeling pressured to act.”

In other words, a person who is autonomous can make their own choices and take action on their own without requiring guidance, pressure, or direction.

Autonomy can develop from childhood as “Parents transmit social norms and values to make their children autonomous, mature, and independent individuals.” But the success of this autonomy is also related to peer relationships and pathways taken through life such as work and education.

Men who are less autonomous have lower levels of general well-being, according to research. They’re less organized, less successful, and have lower job satisfaction as well.

This is all related to emotional maturity and a man’s ability to understand, trust, and motivate himself. Without it, his life will suffer and so will his independence.

5) He’s not able to regulate his emotions.

Regulating emotions is the ability to express your emotions at the right times and to the right degrees according to the context.

In other words, your emotional responses are appropriate to the situation.

If a man finds out he was cheated on by his partner, an appropriate response might be tremendous sadness and anger. But he shouldn’t have this response to the same degree if he finds out that his favorite drink is sold out at the local convenience store.

Men can use different strategies to deal with emotionally difficult situations. Distracting himself or ignoring the problem might be useful in the short term as long as the emotion is later dealt with appropriately.

However, completely ignoring difficult emotions is actually a very bad strategy and reflects emotional immaturity.

The same is true of brooding, a type of unconscious rumination that causes a man to obsess over his negative emotions. 

However, emotionally mature men use the strategies of reappraisal and acceptance to deal with tough emotions. Both strategies see the men thinking about their difficult situations but not allowing them to interfere with their responses.

So, what the research tells us is that immature men don’t use good strategies to deal with emotionally difficult situations. This can cause them to overreact and have outbursts that are totally out of proportion and inappropriate.

6) He has little capacity for change.

It’s important for people to grow and develop through life, and this, of course, requires change.

As one study into personal change found, “people seem to incorporate improvement into their self concept”.

Positive changes that are in line with desires and expectations are easier to accept and don’t make us feel confused about ourselves.

However, negative changes are seen as disruptive when compared to positive changes that include new memories and experiences. Changes in morality are also difficult to deal with and are experienced as negative and discontinuous.

Men who lack emotional maturity struggle with all types of change and see change as generally negative. This may be because they have weak self-concepts and, therefore, find it very difficult to handle any disruption to the norm.

So if you know a man who is extremely reluctant to change at all, even to grow and develop himself, it’s likely that he has low emotional maturity.

7) He has little motivation or purpose in life.

If a man has little sense of purpose, he’ll normally also lack motivation. He won’t set goals and work to achieve them because he is essentially steering a ship without a heading.

He simply drifts on the waves.

Emotionally immature men often lack purpose because they haven’t done the internal work of “life-crafting.”

This involves doing things like “(1) discovering values and passion, (2) reflecting on current and desired competencies and habits, (3) reflecting on present and future social life, (4) reflecting on a possible future career, (5) writing about the ideal future, (6) writing down specific goal attainment and “if-then” plans, and (7) making public commitments to the goals set.

These activities help people determine their purpose and goals for the future, and that gives them motivation. Men who haven’t matured simply haven’t done this yet.

What to do if your man lacks emotional maturity

Now that you can recognize these seven signs a man lacks emotional maturity, according to psychology, what should you do if you realize you’re in a relationship with this kind of guy?

The first thing to remember is that emotional maturation is a process and one that he is going through in the course of his life. There may be good reasons why his emotional maturity hasn’t developed, and it’s important to be sensitive to them.

He may have experienced trauma in the past that it keeping him from developing. He may also struggle with psychological or personality disorders that you’re not aware of.

If not, he simply requires more time to mature.

Whether you’re able to wait for this to happen and support him in the process is up to you. Not everyone has the patience and capacity to wait for a partner like this, and some people find that it’s better to move on and find a more mature man.

Whatever you choose, support and communication, rather than accusations and blame, are the best ways to encourage a man to improve his emotional maturity.