9 signs he doesn’t love you, he’s just a love bomber

by Tina Fey | April 7, 2024, 7:04 pm

There’s a fine line between love and manipulation, particularly when it comes to the world of dating.

And this line gets extremely blurred when someone doesn’t truly love you but is just a love bomber.

Love bombing is when someone showers you with affection, only to withdraw it later as a means of control.

Identifying a love bomber can be hard, but there are certain signs you should keep an eye out for.

But don’t worry, I’m here to guide you through these signs and enable you to spot a love bomber from a mile away.

So let’s dive into the 9 signs he doesn’t love you, he’s just a love bomber. Keep reading, it could save you from falling for a manipulative charmer.

1) Over-the-top affection early on

Love bombers are notorious for their grand gestures right from the start.

They shower you with attention, affection, and praise that seem out of proportion for the stage of the relationship. It may feel like you’re living a fairy tale, but this behavior can be a red flag.

Why?

Because real love requires time to grow. It’s built on a foundation of mutual respect, shared experiences, and emotional intimacy.

Love bombers, on the other hand, try to fast-forward through this process.

They create an illusion of love that can be hard to see through, especially when you’re in the midst of it.

So if you find yourself on the receiving end of an overwhelming amount of affection early in a relationship, take a step back.

Too much too soon isn’t normal, and is definitely a sign of a love bomber. 

2) The sudden shift in behavior

I remember one relationship I was in where everything seemed to be going perfectly.

He was incredibly affectionate, always attentive and we spent almost all our time together. It felt like a whirlwind romance.

But then, out of the blue, he changed.

He started to become distant and wasn’t as interested in spending time with me anymore. It felt as if he had suddenly flipped a switch and I was left feeling confused and hurt.

This sudden shift in behavior is another sign of a love bomber.

They start by showering you with love and attention, but once they feel they have you hooked, they pull away.

This leaves you craving the affection and attention you had grown accustomed to, making it easier for them to manipulate and control you.

In retrospect, I can see that this sudden shift was a red flag. If you’re experiencing something similar, it might be a sign worth paying attention to. 

3) He is the center of your universe

It’s human nature to become absorbed in a new relationship, especially when it feels like a whirlwind romance.

But with a love bomber, it goes beyond that – it becomes all-consuming.

You might notice that he wants to spend every single moment with you.

And while spending time together is important, it becomes problematic when it starts to isolate you from your friends, family, and own interests.

Essentially, he’s trying to isolate you. 

By making themselves the center of your world, love bombers can control and manipulate you more easily.

It’s a subtle sign but one that should not be ignored.

If you’re feeling like he’s monopolizing your time to an unhealthy degree, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you; he’s just a love bomber.

4) Constant need for validation

One hallmark of a love bomber is their constant need for validation.

They crave affirmation and reassurance not just about the relationship, but also their personal worth.

You might notice that he’s always fishing for compliments, seeking approval, or needing reassurance about your feelings for him. 

On the surface, it may seem like he’s just insecure, but it’s actually a deeper issue.

This constant need for validation allows the love bomber to keep you engaged and emotionally invested in the relationship.

Pretty soon, his need for validation will turn into you desperately trying to prove how much you care about him.  

So if you’re constantly being asked to validate his worth or reassure him about your feelings, it’s a red flag and one that shouldn’t be ignored. 

5) He’s quick to say “I love you”

In any relationship, hearing the words “I love you” for the first time is a big deal.

It signifies a deepening of feelings and a commitment to each other (and let’s be honest, it gets the butterflies going!).

But with a love bomber, these words may come too quickly.

He may declare his love after only a few dates or weeks. This isn’t because he’s head over heels, but rather because he’s trying to establish an emotional hold over you.

Expressing such strong feelings early on can make you feel obligated to reciprocate or commit before you’re truly ready.

Think of it as another way the love bomber fast-tracks intimacy and control.

6) There’s a pattern of broken relationships

Love bombers often leave a trail of broken relationships in their wake.

When you talk about past relationships, he might blame his exes for everything that went wrong, refusing to take any responsibility himself.

It’s heartbreaking to think that someone you care about could have been hurt by others, but it’s important to listen closely to these stories.

If he’s always the victim and his exes are always the villains, it’s a red flag.

The truth is, this pattern of broken relationships could indicate that he moves quickly from one person to the next, leaving when the initial intensity fades.

It reveals a lack of commitment and an inability to handle the ups and downs of a real relationship.

So if he has a history of tumultuous relationships and always plays the victim, it’s something to pay attention to.

7) Your gut tells you something’s off

Remember the relationship I mentioned earlier?

Well, he was charming, attentive, and expressed his love for me constantly.

But despite all this, something deep down told me that something wasn’t right.

There were moments when his words didn’t match his actions, or his affection felt overwhelming rather than comforting.

I couldn’t put my finger on it, but my intuition was trying to tell me that something was off.

Your gut feelings are there for a reason – they’re your body’s way of telling you when something isn’t quite right. 

If you’re feeling uncomfortable or uneasy in your relationship, don’t dismiss those feelings. More times than not, your gut feeling will be correct, so listen to it. 

8) He’s overly jealous and possessive

A little bit of jealousy in a relationship can be normal.

But when it becomes excessive, it can be a sign of a love bomber.

He might get overly upset if you spend time with friends, question you about interactions with others, or even try to control who you see and when.

This possessiveness isn’t about love – it’s about control.

Jealousy is often framed as a sign of love, but in reality, it’s a form of manipulation. It’s a way for the love bomber to isolate you and keep you under their control.

Before you know what’s hit you, you’ve been separated from everyone in your life.

Because a love bomber will even get jealous of your siblings and parents. They always take things to the extreme to get what they want. 

9) He uses love as a weapon

And finally, the most alarming sign of a love bomber is when he starts using love as a weapon. This means he gives and withdraws affection to control and manipulate you.

If he showers you with love one moment and then pulls away the next, leaving you feeling insecure and anxious, it’s a clear sign of love bombing.

This emotional roller-coaster is not a sign of a healthy relationship, it’s a manipulation tactic.

Real love is consistent and doesn’t fluctuate based on moods or situations. Anything other than that is a major red flag. 

Final thoughts: It’s about self-love

At the core of understanding love bombing, lies a profound lesson about self-love and respect.

You see, love is not about control or manipulation.

It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance. It’s about wanting the best for the other person, even if that doesn’t always align with what we want.

If someone truly loves you, they will respect your boundaries, value your independence, and appreciate you for who you are. They won’t use love as a weapon or a tool for manipulation.

So if you recognize the signs of a love bomber in your relationship, remember this:

You deserve better. You deserve a love that is true, a love that is respectful, and most importantly, a love that is real.

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