7 signs someone is actually really kind, even if they pretend not to be

We’ve all come across them:

The tough nuts, the seemingly cold hearts, the ones who pretend to be harder than nails.

But have you ever thought that beneath that tough exterior, they might be hiding a heart of gold?

Because here’s the deal:

Sometimes, people mask their kindness for various reasons. Maybe they don’t want to seem weak or feel they need to maintain a certain image.

And though looks can be deceiving, the signs of their genuine kindness will always shine through the cracks, even when they’re hidden.

So, let’s scratch beneath the surface and uncover those subtle signs of real kindness.

1) They’re always there to lend a hand

There’s always that one person who’s always ready to help out, despite their tough exterior. They might pretend to be aloof, but they’re the first ones to step in when someone needs assistance.

It could be anything, from helping a colleague meet a deadline to aiding a stranger with heavy bags.

This is one of the clear signs of a genuinely kind soul.

They might put up a ‘hard-to-get’ facade, but their actions speak louder than their words.

2) They’re patient, even when frustrated

There’s this friend of mine who always has this stern face and rarely smiles.

To be honest, he can seem a little intimidating at times.

One day, we were working on a project together. I was having a particularly rough day and kept making mistakes that were slowing us down. I was ready for him to lose his patience with me.

But guess what?

To my surprise, he stayed calm throughout. He reassured me that it was okay to make mistakes and patiently guided me through the process. Despite his tough exterior, he showed great kindness in that moment of frustration.

That’s when it hit me.

People like him, who show patience even in the face of frustration, are often the kindest souls you’ll meet. Their kindness is not always obvious, but it shines through in their patience and understanding when things get tough. 

3) They quietly help you carry your burdens

We’ve all had days when life feels like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece—frustrating and incomplete.

And then, there’s that one person who silently steps in to fill the gaps.

This person might not be the one showering you with cute emojis or sending you inspirational quotes.

No, they’re the ones who will sit with you in silence, share your burdens, and make your load a little lighter.

I know a woman like that. She’s not the warmest person to be around, and she often seems distant. But when you’re down and out, she’s there, quiet but steady, her actions screaming kindness louder than any words could.

It’s these subtle things that reveal a person’s true character. They pretend not to care, but their willingness to share your burdens, to stand by you when you’re falling apart, speaks volumes about their kindness.

And let me tell you this:

It’s these people—the ones who aren’t shouting about their kindness from the rooftops—who are often the most genuinely kind souls you’ll ever meet.

4) They’re the champions of underdogs

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt unheard or overlooked?

It’s not a great feeling, right?

Now, when you felt that way, have you ever had someone step in, defend your ideas, and recognize your efforts when nobody else did?

These are the people who are silently kind.

They might not be the most outspoken or friendly individuals around. They might even come off as indifferent at times. But when it comes down to it, they stand up for the underdogs, the ones who often go unnoticed.

They might not wear their hearts on their sleeves, but they’ve got your back when it really counts.

This sort of quiet advocacy is a surefire sign of authentic kindness—a kindness that doesn’t need to be seen or acknowledged to exist.

It’s just there, making a difference in its own quiet way.

5) They show kindness to those who can’t return the favor

One of the true tests of a person’s character is how they treat those who can do nothing for them in return.

You know those people who are kind to their bosses or popular friends, but dismissive to the waiter or janitor? That’s not genuine kindness.

Now, consider that person who appears gruff and uncaring, but you’ve noticed they’re always polite to the office cleaning staff, or perhaps they’re the ones feeding stray cats in the neighborhood.

These actions might seem small and insignificant, but they’re far from it. These are acts of pure kindness—actions done without any expectation of reward or recognition.

The silent Samaritans amongst us may not openly show their warmth, but their kindness to those who can’t repay them reveals their true character.

6) They listen without judgment

People who come off as tough or indifferent may not be the most expressive or talkative.

But when you need a listening ear, they’re right there, offering you a safe space to express yourself.

They might not offer grand gestures of support or shower you with encouraging words. But their willingness to listen, to understand, and to accept you just as you are—that’s a rare form of kindness.

This empathy, this ability to make others feel heard and understood, is a hallmark of genuine kindness. It’s a sign that behind their tough exterior, there exists a heart full of compassion and acceptance.

7) They respect your boundaries

In a world where boundaries are often blurred, the ability to respect others’ personal space is an underrated act of kindness.

They’re the kind of people you never have to explain your boundaries to—they just, naturally, know not to overstep them.

They understand that your space is sacred, and they respect it without question.

They’re the ones who won’t push you to share more than you’re comfortable with, who understand when you need some alone time, and who respect your choices even when they don’t agree with them.

Respecting boundaries might not seem like a grand act of kindness, but it’s a clear sign of deep empathy and understanding. It shows that they value you and your comfort, which, in its own quiet way, is an act of profound kindness.

Final thoughts

If you’ve recognized these signs in someone who seems hard to approach, you’re likely dealing with a genuinely kind soul.

Remember, it’s not about the grand gestures or loud declarations of good deeds. It’s about those small acts of kindness that they might not even realize they’re doing.

It’s about the patience they extend when you’re struggling, their willingness to listen without judgment, their respect for your boundaries, and their silent support when you need it most.

Understanding these signs can change the way we perceive people and relationships. It can teach us that sometimes, the kindest people are those who don’t make a show of it.

So, take a moment to appreciate these individuals in your life. They may not wear their hearts on their sleeves, but their subtle acts of kindness truly make the world a better place.

As Mark Twain said, “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”