10 signs someone is just pretending to be kind (but they’re actually mean)

Ever been at a party, or a work event, when you cross paths with someone who’s all smiles and sweet talk?

You’ve probably just encountered a faux-kind person.

Their demeanor might seem genuine and benevolent to most, but upon closer inspection, you may find that their kindness is nothing more than a façade.

Let’s dive into the telltale signs and reveal 10 indications that someone is merely pretending to be kind when in reality, they’re anything but.

So, buckle up as we embark on a journey to demystify the deceptive world of faux-kind individuals.

1) Over-enthusiastic complimenting

Ever been around someone who seems to dish out compliments like candy on Halloween?

On the surface, it may seem like they’re just incredibly nice, but in reality, it could be a sign they’re trying too hard to appear kind.

People who are genuinely kind will offer compliments when they feel they’re due. But those pretending to be kind? They tend to overdo it. They shower you with praise, often about the most trivial things.

This overenthusiastic complimenting often feels insincere and forced. It’s as if they’re trying to win you over with flattery, rather than genuine kindness.

Take a moment. Reflect on whether their praise feels genuine or if it seems like a facade.

Remember, true kindness is not about constantly flattering others, but about being sincere and thoughtful in our actions and words.

2) Lack of empathy in personal situations

Have you ever shared a personal struggle or a hardship with someone, only to receive a cold, detached response?

I remember a time when I confided in a friend about my anxieties and fears during a particularly stressful period in my life. She responded with an offhand remark, a shallow reassurance, and quickly changed the subject.

It felt as though my worries were irrelevant or just too boring to her.

Someone pretending to be kind might appear sympathetic on the surface, but when it comes to showing genuine empathy, they fall short. They struggle to connect at a deeper emotional level, often resorting to clichéd phrases or half-hearted attempts at consolation.

True kindness involves understanding and empathy. It’s about being there for someone during their low points, offering comfort, and genuinely caring about their feelings.

3) Frequent gossiping

This is a common trait of individuals who feign kindness. They may smile, nod, and agree with you in person, but as soon as you’re out of earshot, they start spreading rumors or sharing your secrets.

Gossiping is a clear sign of insincerity. A truly kind person respects others’ privacy and doesn’t engage in harmful chit-chat. They understand the damaging effects of gossip and steer clear of it.

True kindness requires respect, honesty, and integrity – qualities that gossipers often lack.

4) Inconsistency in behavior

This flip-flop behavior is often a red flag indicating faux-kindness.

People who are genuinely kind are consistent in their actions. Their behavior doesn’t change dramatically based on the situation or the people they are with.

On the other hand, those pretending to be kind often showcase inconsistent behavior. They might act friendly when they need a favor, but once they get what they want, their demeanor suddenly changes.

If someone’s kindness seems to come and go like the tide, it may be time to question the sincerity of their actions. Genuine kindness should be steady and unwavering, not conditional or inconsistent.

5) Lack of genuine interest in others

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person seems to be waiting for their turn to speak, rather than genuinely listening to what you have to say?

They might nod in the right places, smile at the right moments, but there’s a lack of genuine interest in their responses.

True kindness involves being present, attentive, and genuinely interested in other people’s thoughts and feelings. It’s about being able to put aside your own concerns for a while and truly listen to someone else.

When someone is truly kind, they make you feel seen and heard. They value your words and make you feel important in that moment.

6) They’re often judgmental

They might seem nice to your face, but they’re quick to judge people based on their actions, choices, or lifestyle.

Genuine kindness doesn’t involve judgment. Truly kind people understand that everyone has their own path and they respect that.

They don’t pass judgment on others’ decisions or look down on them because they chose a different road.

Don’t forget, true kindness is about accepting others as they are, not as we want them to be.

7) They rarely show gratitude

Truly kind people understand the power of gratitude. They appreciate the efforts of others and aren’t shy to express their thankfulness.

Those pretending to be kind, however, often take things for granted. They might accept your help or favor with a smile, but you’ll seldom hear a sincere “thank you” from them.

If you come across someone who struggles to show gratitude, it might be a sign that their kindness isn’t as genuine as it seems.

8) They use kindness as a manipulative tool

Ever encountered someone who seems kind, only to realize that their kindness comes with strings attached?

This is often a tactic used by individuals pretending to be kind. They use their kindness as a manipulative tool to get what they want.

For example, they might do you a favor, but then expect one in return or use it as leverage in the future.

Genuine kindness is about doing good without expecting anything in return. It’s selfless and comes from a place of altruism, not manipulation or self-interest.

9) Their kindness doesn’t extend to themselves

I once knew a person who would go out of their way to help others, always thoughtful and considerate, but they were incredibly harsh on themselves.

They set unreasonable expectations for themselves, constantly self-criticizing and seldom showing kindness to their own self. It was as if they believed that kindness was only meant to be extended outward, never inward.

If someone is truly kind, they understand the importance of being gentle and forgiving with themselves. They treat themselves with the same compassion that they extend to others.

10) They lack authenticity

At the end of the day, the most significant telltale sign of someone pretending to be kind is a lack of authenticity.

Authenticity is the cornerstone of genuine kindness. It means being real, honest, and true to oneself and others.

People who are authentically kind don’t have to pretend or put on a show. Their kindness flows naturally from their character, not from a need to appear a certain way.

True kindness is authentic and comes from the heart.