8 signs someone is thinking about you sexually, according to psychology

Sexual attraction is complicated, to say the least.

Since sexuality tends to ebb and flow, changing depending on the context, our mood, and the person we interact with, figuring out whether someone views you sexually could pose some difficulties.

The good news is that psychology can point you in the right direction – all you’ve got to do is learn to recognize these 8 signs.

Is someone thinking about you sexually?

Let’s find out!

1) They seem very nervous when they’re around you

You’d think that people who were attracted to each other would try to make themselves appear as confident and flirty as possible, yet the reality is quite different.

Most people get really freaking nervous. This could lead them to speak too fast, stumble on their words, laugh awkwardly, and find it difficult to concentrate on the conversation.

Contrary to what you might think, this is actually a good thing.

According to research, people tend to assess attraction based on observations of nervousness, and what’s more, nervousness often goes hand in hand with laughing and blushing, helping build positive rapport.

In other words, nervousness is a flag we’re waving in the air, screaming, “Hey! I fancy you! Do you fancy me, too?”

Next time that someone appears very nervous around you, you know what it could mean – they might be sexually attracted to you.

2) They keep looking at you

People say that eyes are the door to one’s soul, and you know what? They’re not too far off the mark.

Researchers themselves describe eye contact as a “potent form of communication” that conveys “many subtle nuances of feeling”.  

Have you ever sat opposite someone you fancied, staring at them as they droned on and on about something inconsequential, their voice coming from somewhere far off in the distance as you pondered the astonishing beauty of their eyes?

Yeah. That’s sexual attraction right there.

If you’re speaking to someone who just can’t stop staring at you, there’s a high likelihood they fancy you. And if they sit somewhere far across the room and yet keep glancing your way… yep, same thing.

They just can’t help themselves but be struck by your beauty.

3) They always try to find a way to stay in touch

Some people are shier than others, but overall, someone who is thinking about you sexually will go out of their way to talk to you, be physically near you, and attend the same events as you.

Trust me, I should know. I once went to a ball just because my crush was supposed to be there.

I didn’t even know anyone there (apart from the friend I dragged with me) but that didn’t stop me – those few seconds of catching a glance of him at the dance floor before he disappeared into the maze, never to be found again, were absolutely worth it.

Lo and behold, we were a couple one year later. This was because I kept trying to find ways to re-establish contact and strengthen our connection until I got his attention.

When you’re very sexually attracted to someone, they become magnetic. You find yourself gravitating toward them, shuffling your plans around just to be able to see them, and staring at them when you think they’re not looking.

If you’re trying to figure out whether someone’s thinking about you sexually, all you’ve got to do is flip the narrative.

Do they show up at most events you go to? Do they always end up in your team or working on the same project? Do they keep coming to you asking for advice or trying to strike up a conversation?

Bingo.

4) Their body language screams closeness

If someone fancies you and isn’t exactly shy, they will lean into that desire for closeness – quite literally.

When you’re having a conversation, they will naturally lean toward you.

When you’re standing next to each other, they will playfully elbow you, touch your upper arm, or stand a bit too close.

When you’re saying something, their eyes will be scanning your face, their pupils dilated as they unconsciously lick their lips.

And then there’s the smiling, of course. They’ll just always be smiling, laughing, or cracking jokes in order to make you laugh.

A big part of sexual attraction revolves around physicality, so it’s probably no surprise that our own bodies are where these sexual desires manifest – yet we often don’t notice it.

5) The pitch of their voice changes

We think ourselves a highly cultured species, but when it comes down to it, our bodies fall prey to biology just like any other animal.

When someone is thinking about you sexually, their voice may change. The funny part is that they might not even realize it.

Psychologist Ronald E. Riggio PhD says: “In general, a higher tone in women, and a lower tone in men is more of a turn-on. During courtship behavior, women may have a tone of voice that seems almost childlike — which can trigger a sense of ‘protectiveness’ in men. Deeper voices, for men, signal more masculinity.”

I’ve actually noticed this in myself – every time I fancy someone, I automatically begin to speak in a higher tone of voice. I have to make a conscious effort to tune it down.

6) They act flirty or playful around you

When they’re talking to a co-worker or a friend, they seem serious or neutral. When it comes to you, though… boy, do things get playful!

This is because playfulness and flirting signal sexual intent and positive feelings. What’s more, being playful and silly around someone you fancy also functions as a powerful aphrodisiac.

In general, researchers have identified four types of playfulness:

• Other-directed (intended to ease tension, cheer one another up, and tease)
• Intellectual (clever word-play, smart references, playing with the complexity of issues)
• Light-hearted (embracing one’s childlike self and viewing the world as a playground)
• Whimsical (delighting in the odd, the banal, and the absurd)

If someone displays any of these playful behaviors around you – and if they’re paired with other signs on this list – it could mean they view you as more than a friend.

7) Other people begin to take notice

Sexual tension isn’t something that exists on a plane of thought. It is palpable and noticeable, and sooner or later, other people begin to notice it, too.

“Hey, he keeps staring at you, I think he fancies you.”

“She always laughs at your jokes way too loudly. You’re not that funny, dude.”

“Something’s going on here, I can sense it!”

Your friends may tease you, joke around, and whisper their assumptions in your ear as it begins to dawn on you that they could be right.

Maybe this person really does think about you sexually!

Do with that information as you will.

8) Your conversations are heavy with inexplicable tension

Alright, let’s sum it all up.

This person keeps glancing your way, they appear to be nervous around you, they try to get close to you, their body language screams attraction, they laugh and joke around, and other people have noticed something’s going on.

It’s safe to assume this person is probably thinking about you sexually.

The last sign – the one that drives the point home – is the overall tone of your conversations.

Do you know that feeling when you meet someone, feel no sexual chemistry whatsoever, and connect with them purely on a mental and intellectual level?

There are no strange silences, no question marks, no doubts about their intentions whatsoever. In a way, the conversation flows very freely because there is no hidden meaning underneath it all.

Yeah. This isn’t like that.

On the contrary, there is a strange heaviness to your relationship with this person, a little “what if”, a whiff of potential.

And even if you don’t reciprocate their feelings, you can still sense that their motives may be coming from a place of sexual or romantic intentions rather than pure friendship.

But then the doubts come. Are they really thinking about you sexually, or are you just making it up? Could you just be overexaggerating?

Well, if you’ve noticed most of the signs described in this article and if you can feel that inexplicable “something” in the undertones of your relationship…

Trust your gut. It’s trying to tell you something.