7 signs someone isn’t intentionally manipulative (but their behavior is)

Has it ever felt like someone’s behavior was a bit manipulative, even though deep down in your heart, you know the person would never mean anyone any harm?

It’s a tricky situation, isn’t it?

You might start to doubt your gut and wonder if the relationship you have with them is genuine, or if you’ve had it wrong this whole time…

The truth is, sometimes, people act in ways that come across as manipulative without even realizing it. 

They’re not trying to control or deceive you. Often, their actions are driven by insecurities, a need for validation, or a genuine desire to avoid conflict.

Whatever the reason, recognizing that their behavior isn’t manipulative can help you set boundaries and avoid the relationship turning sour over something that isn’t intentional or meant to cause harm. 

Wanna get into what these unintentional-but-could-look-like-manipulation behaviors are?

Well, whoever you’re dealing with might not be trying to manipulate you or anyone else if…

1) They always play the victim.

Can you think of someone who seems to have the worst luck? But every little thing that goes wrong in their life is someone else’s fault?

That’s who I’m talking about…

You might think they’re trying to manipulate you and that their victim mentality is just emotionally draining.

But the truth is, when someone always sees themselves as the victim, they might genuinely believe they’re always on the receiving end of bad fortune. 

It’s not that they’re trying to guilt you into helping them or choosing their side – it’s simply their way of expressing how overwhelmed they feel. 

I get it, though.

This behavior can make it feel like you’re either responsible for their happiness or that they can never be happy unless someone else doesn’t fix their issues for them. 

But it could be that they actually just have a hard time seeing past their struggles…

The best way to support them is by continuing to offer support and advice and show them that you truly care.

2) They over-apologize.

When someone says sorry for just about everything, even when it’s not their fault, it can seem excessive and manipulative.

It can make you feel like you need to constantly reassure them that everything’s okay and that they’re not causing trouble when, deep down, you feel as though they actually are. 

You might think they’re manipulating you, trying to get you to forgive them when you’re not really ready.

Truth is, however, that they might be saying sorry because they have a deep insecurity or fear of conflict. And that they just don’t want to upset anyone. 

3) They’re indecisive.

We all have that friend who can never make up their mind.

Whether choosing a restaurant or deciding on weekend plans, their indecisiveness can be frustrating, but it’s often because they genuinely don’t want to make the wrong choice. 

They’re not trying to avoid responsibility; they just fear disappointing others.

This behavior can make you feel like you have to make all the decisions. You might also think your friend is manipulating you so that when things go wrong, they can stand back blame-free.

But it’s more likely that they trust your judgment and don’t want to push their preferences on you. 

While a better approach would be to occasionally step up, make decisions, and share responsibility, when someone is indecisive, they probably just value your input. 

4) They’re too generous.

It’s normal to think that someone who’s always helping, giving you gifts, or consistently showing up to support you is trying to get you to do something for them, too. 

Their excessive generosity can make you feel like you owe them something in return. 

Like they’re placing some kind of obligation on you…

But this might not always be the case.

Sometimes, people just genuinely enjoy being generous and making others happy. 

They might take the whole ‘pay it forward’ movement seriously and make it a life goal to live it daily.

They could even just believe in good karma.

Whatever their reason, it might not always be because they want something directly from you in return. 

Putting good vibes into the universe could be more about them than you. And you’re just the lucky receiver.

Someone who really is manipulative will keep score and constantly remind you of everything they’ve done for you.

5) They always try to keep the peace. 

When someone’s playing the peacemaker, it can seem a little manipulative…

Think about that friend who goes out of their way to avoid conflict, trying to keep everyone happy.

It might feel like they can never pick a side. Or like they’re trying to keep everyone on theirs so they can have more control and say. 

But in reality, they might just genuinely want everyone to get along and eliminate tension. 

6) They always agree with everyone.

Similar to avoiding conflict, someone could always agree with everything you say, and you might think this is because they’re trying to avoid an argument or please you. 

It could also feel like they’re trying to manipulate you into liking them and that they aren’t being honest or genuine, which can be frustrating. 

There might even be instances where someone always says, “I’m fine with whatever you want,” even when you know they have preferences…

And then it feels like they’re putting the decision in your hands so that they don’t have to take the blame if something goes wrong. 

But this type of behavior usually comes from insecurity, not manipulation. 

Your friend might struggle to express their opinions and preferences because they don’t think others will value them. So, they stay flexible and follow yours. 

Another reason could also simply be that they’re considerate. They might not want to seem bossy, or as though they think their choices or input are better, so they give you more control and agree with whatever you think or choose.

7) They give too many compliments. 

I think we can all agree that receiving a compliment every now and then makes us feel good. 

But some people take it to the extreme, excessively showering others with praise. 

This behavior can make you feel like you need to reciprocate or even leave you questioning their sincerity. It can feel insincere or overwhelming, so you might think you’re being manipulated into liking them. 

If someone compliments your outfit, then your hair, and then the way you did something all in the span of an hour it could feel nice, but you might start doubting if they’re being authentic or just trying to stay on your good side. 

Truth is, they could just genuinely want to make you feel good. 

Giving you tons of compliments could be their effort to boost your confidence when they think you’re feeling down. 

Or an attempt to show you that you inspire them. 

It might have nothing to do with manipulation…

But my advice is to trust your gut. 

However sincere a person’s intentions might be, if their behavior makes you feel anxious or leaves you emotionally drained, they aren’t a good energy source in your life. 

If you do recognize unintentional manipulation and want a healthy relationship with the person, approaching their behavior with empathy and understanding is a good start. 

Whether they’re always playing the victim or leaving decisions up to you, setting boundaries can help them learn to avoid this behavior and keep your relationship more authentic.