7 signs you have a true friend by your side, according to psychology

Life brings us all different types of acquaintances. But how can we know when we have a true friend?

Using personal experience and psychology I’ve created a list of various signs to notice and treasure. Because if you spot them, you know that your friend is someone you can truly count on: 

1) Reciprocity: Friendship is a two-way street

Let’s begin with the concept of reciprocity, or ‘give and take’. It’s not a matter of keeping tabs but rather the fact that mutual effort and resources are given by both people.

Renowned psychologist Dr. Andrea Bonior shares a similar viewpoint: “A healthy friendship isn’t a one-sided endeavor where only one person does all the heavy lifting. A sense of equality and mutual support should prevail.” 

The beauty of a balanced friendship is that it doesn’t matter who needs support first or who will need it next. The essence lies in the reassurance that both friends will show up for each other in times of need. 

And this is a good way to know that your own gift of friendship is valued.

2) Mutual respect

Next, let’s spell out something elemental – R-E-S-P-E-C-T (yes, you nailed it right if you could hear Aretha Franklin singing these words!).

Mutual respect is essential. It involves acknowledging and appreciating each other’s perspectives, personal boundaries, and distinctive idiosyncrasies.

In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that while understanding love in all kinds of relationships is culturally different, feeling loved, accepted, and importantly, respected, by friends significantly contributes to people’s happiness. 

In other words, when your best mates genuinely value and respect you for the person you are, the bond becomes vastly more important.

3) They support you during testing times 

Now, let’s consider the saying “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

But what does this really mean? Authentic friends are there for you not just during the rosy times of laughter, inside jokes, and fun escapades. But importantly, they stand by you when life throws you down. 

Imagine you’re going through a particularly rough period in your life. Your best friend, instead of distancing themselves, is there for you every step of the way. They comfort you, listen to your woes, and ensure you get through this hardship. 

But it doesn’t stop there. Later, you return the favor. Providing advice or just a shoulder to lean on. That’s real friendship – the kind where you both lift each other up through the toughest of times. 

Whether dealing with breakups, coping with job loss, encountering a health scare, or even handling a terrible day – a genuine friend stands by you, offering a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, or a diversion if you need one.

From the perspective of friendship expert and psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco, “A good friend isn’t a fair-weather companion. They’re someone who shows up consistently, even when circumstances challenge comfort or convenience.” 

4) They love you, quirks and all 

Nobody’s perfect, and true friends understand that. They not only tolerate your quirks but also celebrate them. Yes, that includes the time you drunkenly embarrassed yourself at the party, or the unique way your laughter cackles. 

Interestingly, a study published in the journal Personal Relationships found a positive correlation between feeling unconditionally accepted by friends and improved self-esteem, heightened feelings of belonging, better self-control, and better overall psychological well-being. 

Take for instance, a friend who knows you, warts and all, and still loves you.

Even in moments when your guard is down – retelling a traumatic experience or speaking openly about your insecurities or dreams – you have nothing to fear. Because your real friends love your most authentic self. 

5) They push you towards growth, even when it’s uncomfortable 

A great friend is more than your personal cheerleading squad. They’re part life coach too. The kind of friend who dares to challenge your excuses or confront your fears head-on. They aren’t afraid of giving you the hard truths to spur your growth. 

Psychologist Dr. Perpetua Neo explains it eloquently by telling us that a true friend is vested in our growth and development. They want to see us evolve into our best selves, even if that path contains difficult conversations.

I think back to a moment when I was on the verge of leaving my full-time job to start my own venture. My best friend? Instead of soothing my fears, she grilled me with hard questions about my values, passions, and long-term goals.

It was uncomfortable but needed. She didn’t let me settle for less, and her honesty made me stronger. She did it with compassion and that too is very important.

6) They’re your SOS contact 

When you find yourself in the midst of a crisis, is your best friend the first person you think of calling? If you do, you know you’ve got a keeper. 

Ashley Abramson explains that just having one dependable friend to turn to during tough times is enough, and can help minimize anxiety and depressive symptoms. 

Imagine a situation where your airline informs you about a last-minute canceled flight when you’re on your way to a key business conference. In your state of panic and confusion, the first person you decide to call is your best friend.

Without a second thought, they leave their ongoing tasks, provide you with alternatives, help you make arrangements for the next available flight, and even offer their home for an unexpected overnight stay.

That friend can always be trusted in times of need.

7) Friendships that stand the test of time 

The real test of a friendship is not just surviving the highs and lows, but doing so together over an extended period of time. It’s the longevity and durability of a friendship that makes it authentic and genuine, according to psychologist Dr. Irene Levine. 

Think about those friends who have been a part of your life since childhood: the drama, heartbreaks, joyous moments, and growing pains shared and endured together. 

No one understands you better as they’ve seen you evolve over the years, they know your quirks, your passions, your fears, and everything that makes you, ‘you’.

These friends have been there for your milestones, sharing your joy, standing by you in difficult times, and continuing to be the ones you lean on when times are tough. 

Over time, your bond has only grown stronger with memories that only you share, inside jokes that never get old, and a lifelong support that goes beyond words. This growth has a lot to do with understanding, mutual love, and also forgiveness. It is about standing up for each other, through thick and thin, no matter what. 

That’s the beauty of a lifelong friend – someone who intimately knows your history, who’s there for your major landmarks, and who promises to be by your side even when you’re old and gray, swapping stories with laughter lines etched on your faces. 

My oldest friend of well over 20 years, is my childhood ‘BFF’ Alexia. Although our lives are very different now, I still treasure her. We don’t see each other much but when we do it’s great, and I know I could turn to her with anything.

If you don’t have a friend like this, it isn’t too late! You may not be able to share your youth with new companions, but you can share stories and live your lives together, until you too become old friends.