6 signs your partner feels deeply connected to you, according to psychology

by Isabella Chase | June 28, 2024, 12:36 pm

Relationships survive and thrive based on the depth of your connection.

At the end of the day, love only goes so far. A long-lasting relationship relies on more meaningful and solid foundations.

This is what will help you to navigate the bad times, as well as bask in the good times.

Getting along with someone isn’t the same as connecting deeply with them.

So how do you know that your partner feels deeply connected to you?

Here are the signs according to psychology you should watch out for.

1) They empathize with what you’re going through

Empathy goes beyond compassion.

It’s not just about feeling bad for someone, it incorporates understanding. And that’s powerful for relationships.

It’s really challenging to be with someone who loves you but doesn’t get you.

Psychologists have long argued that empathy is the so-called secret sauce to successful relationships.

Speaking in Psychology Today, therapist Andrea Brandt explains that without it, our differences can drive a wedge between us.

“Relationships can fall apart because of these kinds of differences, but empathy can create a bridge and generate mutual respect. A long-term romantic relationship has to be based on more than shared likes and mutual dislikes. You and your partner may agree 99% of the time, but it’s that 1% that can spell disaster if there’s no empathy between you.”

Empathy is a game-changer in creating deeper connections because it facilitates respect, even when you don’t always agree.

In order to build and nurture this empathy between you and your partner you’re going to need the next thing on our list.

2) They really listen to you

 A lot of us take for granted how much of a skill listening actually is.

That’s because it can seem like a passive act.

All you have to do is keep quiet, right?

But it’s not that simple.

That’s why research has discovered that our listening skills can leave a lot to be desired.

Studies have shown that even though 96 percent of people think they are good listeners, they only retain about half of what others say.

Active listening is next-level listening.

It turns you into a participant in the conversation, even though you’re not the one speaking.

It’s about giving our full attention, which is easier said than done. But when we can do this, we enhance our relationships.

Recent research has pointed out how improved listening skills, by limiting distractions and focusing more, help build and maintain relationships.

The authors highlight how:

“Several studies suggest that people are motivated to engage in high-quality, active listening when they care for the speaker’s welfare. In an experience sampling study, participants reported spending more time listening to relationship partners’ distress when they felt responsible for those partners’ welfare.”

In a nutshell, if your partner makes the investment to listen to you properly, it’s a sign of how much they care.

3) They share with you

We’re not just talking about that last slice of pizza. We’re talking about the deeper and more meaningful stuff in their lives.

As psychologist and anthropologist at Harvard University Judith E. Glaser explains, this has a significant neurological effect on us.

“When we actively share with others — sharing deep secrets, sharing what’s on our minds, sharing our fears, dreams, and aspirations, the brain lights up like a Christmas tree. This is why people get addicted to tweeting and texting — we are sharing transparently and without judging or filtering. This behavior activates a high level of oxytocin, which is the neurotransmitter that enables us to bond and connect with others deeply.”

If your partner opens up to you, they’re giving themselves this chemical boost that enhances feelings of closeness.

But in order to do so, they’re going to have to dare to be their authentic self, and as we’re about to see, that can feel pretty scary sometimes. 

4) They’re vulnerable in front of you

When I first meet someone I try to come across as this strong and intellectual person.

I don’t think it’s a lie, it’s just that’s not all I am.

In reality, I’m silly and goofy too. But only the most intimate relationships in my life have ever seen this side.

It always takes some time, but eventually, when I feel safe enough I reveal this part of me. It’s the part that does funny voices or little slapstick routines.

So why not be who I really am deep inside with everyone I meet?

It all comes down to vulnerability.

We all have things about us that we are apprehensive about showing to just anyone. For whatever reason, we feel nervous about the authenticity it demands.

We fear judgment or rejection.

It’s an unguarded expression and so it leaves us feeling exposed.

But it’s also what helps build trust, intimacy, and emotional connections with others.

As research has highlighted, only presenting an idealized version of ourselves separates us from others.

That’s why it’s an indication of how deep your connection flows when your partner can show the parts of themself they are most unsure about.

There’s no hiding from it, revealing those messier parts of ourselves is what helps us get closer.

5) They’re not just truthful, they’re candid

Of course, tact goes a long way. So candor is never an excuse to be brutally honest without any consideration for how your words will land.

But the reality is that the truth isn’t always comfortable.

Yet if we want to have truly connected relationships we have to be able to express the good, the bad, and the ugly.

That means being able to speak freely, without holding back. When candor is combined with caring it will do more good rather than harm in your relationship.

A partner who always agrees and does anything to please may sound idyllic. But chances are, it’s not a genuine relationship.

Because a balanced, healthy, and deeply connected relationship also involves saying no. It means having to disagree sometimes.

It demands we navigate differences of opinion as well as preferences, needs, and wants. Otherwise, one person ends up stifling themselves.

Truth equals trust.

When your partner can be honest without fear it is a sign that they have confidence in you. They feel that their truth is safe with you, and they don’t need to hide it.

6) You’ve faced challenges together

We all know that trust is one of those key pillars of any relationship. Overcoming obstacles is one of the ways we strengthen our trust in one another.

When a relationship is all plain sailing, you may not fully know yet whether you can count on the other person when the chips are down.

Reliability is a biggie when it comes to bonding. We all want to feel supported. Knowing your partner has your back creates a more intense connection between you.

These challenges can take many forms:

  • They support you through a rough patch
  • You talk with each other about any difficulties you are facing in life (emotionally or practically)
  • You know how to work through relationship arguments or conflicts
  • You take on new challenges and experiences together

Of course, challenges don’t have to mean bad times. They are all the things in life that we encounter that test our strength. Many challenges are exhilarating.

But it’s often during those experiences together that we grow closer. It’s when your communication skills, trust, and patience are put to the test.

Challenges build our character, boost our resilience, and lead to growth — and they can do exactly the same thing for our relationships too.

A deep connection looks different for everyone

The signs we’ve just discussed are the psychological fundamentals of creating a deep connection with your partner.

Exactly how that looks in your relationship is unique to you.

Having a deep connection doesn’t come down to whether you hold hands, if they always pay you compliments, or if they bring home flowers — as nice as those things may be.

It comes down to foundations like truth, trust, empathy, vulnerability, and stability. These are the ties that bond us in more meaningful ways.

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