10 signs your relationship works because you’re very different people

We all know the saying, “Opposites attract.” In theory, it sounds mysterious and alluring. 

But what does it look like in practice? Is the coming together of two wildly different people as interesting as it sounds? Or is it actually chaotic? 

As someone who’s one-half of such a pair, I’d say it’s a bit of both. 

My husband and I are vastly different in so many ways. And yet, we’re still together after more than a decade. 

Why? Because sometimes our differences make our bond even stronger. 

Here are ten signs your relationship thrives because of your differences, not despite them: 

1) Dating is a cocktail of different experiences

If you’re dating or are married to a polar opposite, you’ll quickly find out that you have completely different ideas of what makes a fantastic date. 

For example, I’m all about being in the midst of the hustle and bustle. I love going to theme parks, street festivals, comedy clubs, musicals, and the like.

My husband? He’s more quiet and laid back, so he’s into picnics in the park, exploring hiking trails, indie films…

So, the time we spend together is always interesting. Our different tastes in activities bring both of us out of our respective comfort zones. Which equals growth – individually and as a couple! 

This brings me to my next point…

2) Everyday is a learning experience

I think life would be so boring if we liked all the same things our partner does, don’t you? 

Of course, the big stuff – your values and goals – you do have to have those in common so that you’re moving in the same direction. 

But everything else? It’s okay to be different. When you’re with someone who’s so different from you, every day offers something new to discover.

For instance, my husband is into science-y stuff, while I’m into arts, culture, and history. And because we’re committed to listening to each other, we always end up learning something new. 

This keeps the relationship fresh and exciting! 

3) You get a more eclectic circle of friends

Even your social gatherings become more fresh when you’re in a relationship with someone who’s your opposite. 

Think about it – all your life, you’ve had your own circle made up of people with the same interests as you. Then all of a sudden, you get new friends with an interesting mix of personalities.

If your partner’s a creative, you’ll get to hang out with creatives and hopefully get to hear about the ways they come up with their ideas. 

If they’re tech geeks, you’ll be right in the middle of people arguing about the pros and cons of AI. 

You get the picture. The bottom line is, your world will become so much richer and more textured! 

4) You learn the art of compromise

With different tastes come different preferences. And if you don’t know how to compromise, your relationship will quickly go downhill. 

Take date nights, for example. I’d love it if every date we had was something I prefer doing. 

But since I want to make him happy as well, we have an arrangement where we pick our activities alternately. 

That goes for everything else, from choosing a vacation spot to the chores we’d prefer to do. 

I’m not going to lie and say it all goes smoothly every time. Sometimes, we do get into a pickle before we can reach a compromise. 

But that in itself has another advantage…

5) Your communication skills become sharper

I think that any relationship, whether we’re opposites or not, helps us grow in the way of communication. 

But with couples who are opposites, that growth is accelerated. 

Imagine being a blunt and direct-to-the-point communicator, but your partner comes from a family where confrontation isn’t the norm. 

That would require you to do a little communication style tweaking, wouldn’t it? 

You’d have to figure out a way to express yourself without pushing them away or getting their defenses up. And you’d have to build up the patience to deal with their roundabout communication style, too. 

But the good news is, those sharper communication skills mean that…

6) Your arguments are more productive

It’s not just about communication styles, though. What I love about being in a relationship with someone who’s my opposite is that he offers wildly different perspectives I wouldn’t be able to consider on my own. 

Basically, it’s like we bring two different problem-solving approaches to the table. 

Never has this been so obvious as our approaches to parenting. I admit that I’m the softie, and he’s the strict one. 

So, in our early years as parents, we would get into all sorts of arguments about how we should raise our kids. 

Eventually, we sat down and figured out a way to mesh our styles together to give our kids the best of both worlds. 

We had to set our egos aside, acknowledge the merits of the other’s approach, and find a way to get on the same page, which is ultimately about raising good and disciplined people. 

If this is an area you struggle with, I suggest keeping an open mind and listening to what your partner has to say. Remember your “why” – that will help you keep your eye on the goal that you both want to achieve. 

7) There’s a balancing force

My story above also shows how you’ll have a balancing force in your life if you’re in a relationship with an opposite. 

I’ve just finished reading “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls, and it’s such a great example of what happens when there’s zero balance in a relationship. 

It’s an autobiography in which she recounts how both her parents were, among other things, nomads and free spirits. Both of them. To the point of dysfunctionality. 

As a result, she and her siblings had a rough and unstable upbringing. 

I don’t mean to say that’s exactly what will happen if there’s no balance; it’s a rather extreme example, I think. 

But hopefully, it shows you just how your opposite-ness can make your relationship much more stable. 

Your differences act as a counterweight, ensuring that you both don’t sway too far in one direction. 

I like to think of it as a friendly tug of war – you both know when to pull each other back or push forward. 

8) Your strengths and weaknesses complement each other

This next sign is closely related to balance and counterweights. I’m talking about complementing each other. 

Think about it – isn’t it nice if you were weak at something that your partner’s good at? And vice-versa? 

That’s exactly how it is for us. For example, I’m terrible with directions, but my husband just has a knack for it. 

On the other hand, he hates planning itineraries, but I’m really good at that. 

So it’s a lovely distribution of tasks, so to speak. Fantastic teamwork.

For couples who are opposites, the relationship works because all the gaps are filled. That’s also exactly why…

9) You respect each other’s individuality

Because you each see what the other brings to the relationship, you can’t help but respect and celebrate your differences. 

I for one appreciate my husband’s quiet strength – it’s the perfect foil to my panicky and high-strung nature! 

I’m sure you have your own version of this. And I hope you see the beauty in your differences and how they make your relationship so interesting. Which brings me to the last point…

10) You appreciate the little things

When you’re with a polar opposite, you’ll just naturally notice the little things they do, just because of the fact that it’s so different from what you’d do. 

Maybe you’re the ultimate planner, but then your partner surprises you with an unexpected gift. 

Or you’re tech-addled (like me) and your partner teaches you how to navigate a new platform that can make your work easier. 

Or you’re an introvert, and your partner makes little gestures that make you more comfortable in social situations. 

For me, being in a relationship with my polar opposite has made me so much more grateful for the little things he does – especially because they often turn out to be exactly what I need! 

Final thoughts

In art – whether visual art, films, books, or music – contrast is a big deal. Without it, it would all be monotonous. 

The same goes for relationships. That’s why I believe that being with someone who’s the opposite version of you can be so interesting and rewarding. 

That said, it doesn’t come without its challenges (which is also one of the reasons why it’s so interesting). 

But as long as you’re both open to each other’s perspectives, you’ll find the beauty in your differences and reach just the right balance your relationship needs.