9 signs you’re dealing with a narcissist, according to psychology

Do you know someone who just sucks the life out of you?

Do they always have to be the center of attention and seem unable to cope with anything else?

Maybe they’re a narcissist.

The term “narcissist” gets tossed around a lot these days, and it’s not always clear what it really means.

In pop culture, anyone who seems to like to check themself out in a mirror or take selfies gets called a narcissist right away.

But narcissistic personality disorder is actually a diagnosable mental condition.

Can you actually spot a narcissist even if you’re not a psychologist?

It may actually be a lot easier than you think with these nine signs you’re dealing with a narcissist, according to psychology.

1) They need to be admired

For a real narcissist, attention isn’t enough. 

They actually need to feel like other people think they’re great and a person to look up to.

They want to be seen as beautiful, intelligent, talented, successful – you name it!

Some behaviors, like constantly posting glamorous photos on social media, could be a sign of this sort of admiration-seeking.

They may also speak loudly, whoop and scream to get attention, and generally act bellicose. They may also dress in attention-grabbing ways and even dance to draw people’s eyes.

Some narcissists will feel it’s necessary to carry designer bags, sport expensive watches, or drive luxury cars whether they can really afford them or not.

To them, these are symbols of their greatness and will make people look at them as though they are worth more than others.

As you may have guessed, though, this constant need for admiration is actually rooted in extremely low self-esteem, self-loathing, and feelings of worthlessness.

So it’s quite sad that narcissists feel the need to show off so much just to feel they’re worth something.

2) They exaggerate their skills and abilities

Narcissists will always talk a good game.

They have no problem letting you know how great they are and talking at length about their accomplishments.

They’re great at anything. They know everything about everything. They have the best of everything.

This sort of self-aggrandizing is really typical of a narcissist and is probably the easiest sign to pick out.

They’ll always exaggerate their skills and abilities to do anything, even deal with people (which is totally ironic). They’ll brag and tell stories that always make them look good but also can never be authenticated.

And they won’t do any of this quietly.

Whatever they do, they do well and loudly.

3) They don’t like to accept help

Imagine you’ve got a huge project on at work, kids that need to be driven to opposite sides of the city, and a side hustle that’s suddenly making you super-busy.

Most anyone would be extremely grateful if a friend or family member noticed how thin we’re spread and offered to help, right?

But a narcissist would usually reject offers of help.

As we looked at earlier, narcissists want the whole world to know just how great they are.

So why would someone who’s an ultra-talented genius need help with anything, especially from…!

The offer of help isn’t just going to be rejected by a narcissist – it’s going to be resented.

They’re going to feel insulted that anyone could suggest that they can’t handle things on their own and especially resent offers of help from people they see as lesser than themselves… which is basically everyone.

4) They don’t regulate their emotions well

According to psychology, narcissists are not good at emotional regulation or even self-esteem regulation.

What’s the difference?

Emotional regulation is being able to recognize one’s own emotional expression and maintain it at appropriate levels.

Most of us know that when we’re angry, it’s not appropriate to drive our car into the front of a shop.

We also know that we shouldn’t necessarily jump out of our seats and squeal with delight when we find out the restaurant has our favorite flavor ice cream.

But a narcissist who may be very insensitive to their own feelings might not understand that this behavior is inappropriate.

Self-esteem regulation means keeping your self-esteem, how you feel about yourself, and your values constant or appropriate. 

However, a narcissist’s self-esteem is usually highly dysregulated. It’s so dependent on the praise, attention, and admiration of others that they can’t keep themselves level.

This is almost like a cold-blooded animal, and the sun is like external validation for a narcissist.

5) They get a lot of “work” done

Sadly, I’m not talking about being productive at the office.

I mean cosmetic surgery as well as non-surgical procedures like Botox, filler, and other injections.

Why do narcissists tend to get cosmetic work done at a much higher rate than other people?

It makes perfect sense when you remember that they like to be the center of attention and love to be admired for things like beauty.

They want to look fantastic and have people compliment them.

The only problem is that getting work done often has a different effect, making them look weird instead of beautiful.

So what’s the answer if this is the reaction they get?

Back to the clinic for another procedure.

Someone who’s had their nose done several times is looking for perfection and attention rather than just correcting a simple flaw.

6) They treat others with disdain

How does a narcissist ensure that everyone thinks they’re the best?

They talk down to other people or treat them as inferior. They gossip and plant rumors about other people in order to bring them down. 

They basically do whatever they can to manipulate public opinion so they look good and others look bad.

In case you think this is just for people around the office or people they hardly know, you’d be totally surprised.

Narcissists will manipulate anyone and everyone they can if it means they’ll look good by comparison.

They’ll treat their (supposed) friends and family badly, even including their children.

For a narcissist, another person only has value if they’re admiring them or causing them to be admired. Otherwise, people aren’t worth anything to them.

7) They’re entitled

Narcissists think they’re great, and “everyone knows it”.

This makes them expect to be treated as special everywhere they go.

They may have some sort of childhood status or family status they can exploit, in combination with achievements real or inflated.

The problem is that narcissists can’t always control who they interact with. When they encounter strangers, they still expect privileged treatment that a stranger has no reason to provide.

That’s when sparks can fly.

This is how we end up with so-called “Karen” videos or men shouting at the police, “Do you know who I am!?”

This entitled sense of being somehow special and deserving of unique treatment is characteristic of narcissists and can really help you spot one easily.

8) They take credit for other people’s efforts

Imagine you and your coworkers all decide to work together to throw a retiring colleague a send-off party.

You bake cupcakes. Another friend decorates the office. Others buy presents, presents, food, and drink. But one person does little to help.

Then, when the lights pop on, and you all jump out and yell surprise, guess who’s the first person telling them how “We put this together for you!” and giving the colleague a hug?

Who’s going to be the person front and center in every group photo, even over-shadowing the retiree?

If you guessed the attention-seeking narcissist in your midst, you guessed right!

Narcissists want to be admired and have no qualms about exploiting others.

So they’ll take credit for the work of others any time they can. Even if it’s work that they contributed to, they will take a disproportionate amount of the credit.

But guess what happens when things go south?

Naturally, they’re nowhere to be found to accept any blame.

9) They don’t get other people’s feelings

A narcissist will ignore the feelings of others but not in the way you might be thinking.

It’s not that they see that another person is happy, sad, or angry, but they choose not to pay attention to that.

Instead, they don’t pick up on other people’s feelings at all, or else they don’t catch the significance of these feelings.

They’re wrapped up in their own feelings, it’s true.

But they also have a reduced ability to empathize with others.

People with empathy can pick up on the feelings of others and judge their strength and importance. They can also put themselves in another person’s shoes and really relate to those feelings.

But a narcissist is unable to do this, and it really stands out.

They’ll often seem insensitive, uncaring, or emotionally distant because they usually are all of these things.

Conclusion

If you suspect that someone you know is a narcissist, I’d suggest getting far away from them.

These nine signs you’re dealing with a narcissist will help you pick them out and stay safe from their manipulations and tirades.