10 signs you’re more emotionally mature than you give yourself credit for

In a world where change is the only constant, you’re either growing, or you’re dying.

And when I say growing, I’m not talking about getting taller.

Life is one opportunity for growth after another, and often, things that look like they may destroy you end up making you a better version of yourself.

But it takes a certain level of emotional maturity to realize that.

Emotional maturity allows you to weather the storms of life with tranquility and inner conviction. It’s one of the most powerful tools you can develop to make yourself happy.

But often, maturity sneaks up on us while we are busy with other things.

Have you ever considered that you may be more emotionally mature than you think you are?

Keep an eye out for these signs, and if you notice them in yourself, it’s probably because you are more emotionally mature than you thought.

1) You have strong boundaries

One of the most difficult yet most important tasks in becoming an emotionally mature person is creating and then maintaining your boundaries.

Boundaries are how we define the behavior we will and won’t accept from others.

In other words, boundaries tell other people how to treat you.

“Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for self-care and positive relationships,” says psychologist Jo Nash.

And while our boundaries may change from one situation to another – you expect your boss to behave differently from your mother, for example – it’s important to stand firm on our boundaries and not let anyone violate them.

Having strong boundaries means:

• Declining to do things you don’t want to do
• Expressing your feelings in a mature and reasonable way
• Addressing problems you have with people directly instead of talking about them behind their backs
• Making your expectations clear instead of relying on other people to figure them out

The trouble is, lots of people won’t like it when you start to establish your boundaries. But usually, that’s because those are the people who want to violate them.

2) You accept responsibility

Taking responsibility is critical to being emotionally mature and the best version of yourself you can be.

In fact, sometimes I think that in a world where everyone is becoming increasingly quick to blame everyone else for their problems, taking responsibility for everything that happens to you is a radical way to take control of your life.

Of course, you aren’t responsible for everything that happens. You didn’t choose where or when you were born, or the world you grew up in.

But what you are 100% responsible for is your responses to the world you live in.

This is a cornerstone of Stoic philosophy, and it’s also a key to being emotionally mature.

You can’t stop it from raining. But you have complete control over how you feel about the fact that it is raining. In that lies total responsibility, but also total freedom.

3) You stay calm

Our emotions shape our lives. And honestly, it would be a poorer life without feeling anything. Who wants to be a robot?

But there is a huge difference between feeling something, and acting on that feeling.

The ancient Stoics knew this. It’s also a key concept in Buddhism, which teaches that while we can’t control our emotions, we can remain unattached to them and thereby minimize the suffering they can cause.

That doesn’t mean that to be emotionally mature, you need to be a Zen monk.

But it does mean that emotionally mature people are generally calm.

Speaking personally, I used to fly off the handle about the smallest things. The daily frustrations of life would have me raging behind the steering wheel or in the supermarket checkout line.

It’s taken years to reprogram my brain to understand that the world is not a background to my story, but that I am just a part of its story. And our emotions, as real as they feel in the moment, are only as powerful as we allow them to be. 

And when you really understand that, it gets a lot harder to get mad at trivial things.

4) You show empathy

With the exception of those with a mental illness such as psychopathy, we all experience empathy.

It’s the ability we have as humans to put ourselves in the place of others and understand what they are thinking and feeling.

Although this is a natural ability most humans have, it’s also a skill you can build over a lifetime.

In his Ted talk, Stanford psychology professor Jamil Zaki makes the same point. He also points out that as valuable is empathy is for getting us to treat others with kindness and consideration, it also benefits the person showing empathy with a greater quality of life.

Emotional maturity means understanding that other people are just as valid as you, and their feelings are just as important.

And a strong sense of empathy is a great sign that you are an emotionally mature person.

5) You are open-minded

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

Staying open-minded is one of the best ways to learn. After all, when you already think you know everything, you shut off any possibility of learning something new from other people – even people you don’t necessarily agree with.

Having an open mind doesn’t mean you’ll believe anything you’re told. But it does mean that you don’t confuse yourself with someone who has all the answers.

As you develop your emotional maturity, you’ll understand how often in the past you have been wrong in your opinions. This helps you stay humble and open-minded to understand the views of others.

6) You try not to judge

Judging others comes naturally to us humans. But it’s not always the best impulse to indulge.

Gaining emotional maturity means understanding that if you were in somebody else’s position, you might well behave in the same ways that they do.

At the very least, it means appreciating that we all have our failings, and that it’s not right to judge people when you may not have all the facts.

7) You forgive

Like responsibility, forgiveness is an old concept that can still be absolutely radical today.

Because what many people don’t realize about forgiveness is that it is not something you do for the person who is wronged you. It’s something you do for yourself.

In his book Radical Forgiveness, Colin Tipping advocates viewing everything that happens you in life as part of your spiritual growth. 

When seen from that point of view, even the things that have wronged you haven’t really wronged you, but instead have given you opportunities to improve.

It doesn’t mean condoning evil or injustice. But it means robbing the power of its past to dictate the future by forgiving everything that has happened to you, even when no one has asked you to.

8) You accept your weaknesses

We are all human, and we all have weaknesses. Part of being emotionally mature is understanding that.

But even more important is accepting those weaknesses.

You see, it’s easy to beat ourselves up about the times that we fall short of our ideals. But it’s much more productive to accept our failures and use them as fuel to become better people.

In psychological terms, this is known as assimilating the Shadow, and it is one of the most powerful concepts in personal growth.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you give up on trying to improve. But it means you don’t get angry with yourself when you turn out to be human after all.

9) You are aware of your strengths

The flipside of accepting your weaknesses is acknowledging your strengths.

Emotionally mature people are not arrogant. But they don’t practice false modesty, either.

You know what you are good at. And as you become more emotionally mature, you get a better and better idea of what you are capable of.

Celebrate those strengths, and use them to help both yourself and others.

10) You have a growth mindset

Being emotionally mature means understanding that the world is full of ugliness, cruelty, and injustice. But it’s also filled with opportunities to change that.

I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason. But I do believe that we, as humans, can bring meaning to any experience, no matter how devastating it may seem.

Psychologist Carol Dweck defines a growth mindset as the belief that a person’s capacities and talents can be improved over time. And being emotionally mature means recognizing that there will never be a perfect and complete version of who you are.

Instead, there are just many little steps along the way.

Emotional maturity

Did you recognize yourself in what you just read?

Emotional maturity can be slow to develop, and in some ways, it can almost sneak up on you. But if you recognize some of these traits as ones you have, congratulations.

You’re probably more emotionally mature than you realize.