Stay single until you find someone with these 9 essential traits

by Clifton Kopp | April 7, 2024, 5:59 pm

Look, I get it. Companionship is a basic human drive, and we all want to meet that special person who can make us the best possible version of ourselves.

But some things can’t be rushed.

Especially if you’ve been single for a while, it can be hard to hold out for the perfect person. But I’m not saying you have to wait for perfect. Do that, and you’ll be alone forever.

Instead, I’m saying there are some essential traits a person should have if you want to have a happy, stable, and fulfilling relationship with them. And if a person doesn’t have these traits, getting into a relationship with them is only going to cause you heartache and waste more of your precious time.

Stay single until you find someone with these traits. Because when you do, you’ll find it has been worth the wait.

1) Respect

 Let’s be honest, respect isn’t sexy. That’s why you won’t usually find it listed in people’s online dating requirements.

But actually, respect is hugely important when it comes to forming fulfilling relationships.

I mean respect in its broadest possible sense.

Anyone you plan on having a relationship with should respect you. That means respecting your boundaries, respecting your worth as a human being, and respecting your autonomy.

They should also respect themselves. That means holding themselves to a certain standard of behavior and not losing themselves in their relationship with you.

If you want someone to love you, they need to respect you first. Because if they don’t, you’re all but guaranteeing yourself a toxic relationship.

2) Reliability

 This is another relatively unsexy characteristic that is nevertheless crucial for a healthy relationship.

And while it’s often not appreciated in the first exciting days of a new romance, it only becomes more important with time.

Look, your relationship won’t always be romance and butterflies in your stomach. Over the long-term, relationships change and mature, becoming something very different from what they started out as.

But having a partner you can rely on is what will keep your relationship strong for the long term.

Do they keep their word? Do they do the things they say they will do?

It might not seem very exciting. But this is an essential trait that can tell you a person is truly relationship material.

3) A sense of humor

 Most people rate a sense of humor as being attractive. As this study points out, humor is a big component of attraction, especially when it comes to attracting women.

After all, if someone can make you laugh, it’s a good indication that you will have a fun relationship.

Looks fade. But a good sense of humor is something you can keep for a lifetime.

So look for somebody who makes you laugh and who appreciates your sense of humor too, and you’ll be setting yourself up for a fun and satisfying relationship for years to come.

4) Honesty

 This one may seem obvious. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth stating.

After all, you can’t have a fulfilling and rewarding relationship with somebody if you can’t trust them.

“Honesty in a romantic relationship is about being authentic and genuine with your partner,” writes psychologist and relationship expert Sabrina Romanoff. “It requires saying what you feel and think without hiding, suppressing, or manipulating your words.”

Not only does this build trust, which is vital to any healthy relationship. But it also allows you to really understand your partner.

When both people in a relationship are truly honest about themselves, you can build a true understanding of each other and get to know each other from the inside out.

5) Self-reliance

 This is a really underrated trait to look for in a partner. Unlike some of the things mentioned above, it’s definitely not one that you’ll normally find listed on people’s dating profiles.

But actually, a healthy sense of self-reliance is key to being a great romantic partner.

Here’s the thing: you don’t want someone who needs you. And you don’t want to need anybody else, either.

When people need each other, or need to be with someone, it indicates that they are not emotionally self-reliant.

This puts far too much pressure on any partner in a relationship with them to try and be everything to them.

Instead, look for someone who can fill their own emotional needs by themselves. That way, you can enhance each other’s lives with your relationship, instead of the relationship consuming you both.

6) Patience

Patience is a good quality in just about anybody. But it’s especially important in a relationship.

Take it from someone who’s been with their current partner for nearly 20 years. No matter how much you love someone, sooner or later, they are going to annoy you.

And when that happens, you’re going to need patience to keep you from overreacting and saying something you don’t really mean.

When judging if someone is relationship material, look at how they react to setbacks and annoyances. If they can handle the little speed bumps life likes to throw up with patience and grace, it’s a good sign that they are someone that you will enjoy being around.

If, on the other hand, they fly off the handle at the slightest inconvenience, it’s a good sign that a relationship with them would be a rough ride.

7) Passion

Naturally, we all want passion in our relationships. Passion can show itself in lots of different ways.

A passionate person is perfectly capable of being passionate about more than one thing at a time. If you know someone who is passionate about their hobbies, their interests, their family, or causes they care about, it’s a good indicator that they will be passionate about your relationship too.

Of course, there is such a thing as being too passionate. You don’t want someone who can’t keep their emotions in check. But someone who displays passion in other areas of their life is very likely to make for a passionate partner, too.

8) Flexibility

This is another underrated trait that is key for a long-term relationship.

Every relationship, no matter how harmonious, involves compromise. Being partnered with someone who refuses to bend even a little is a guaranteed recipe for frustration and unhappiness.

That doesn’t mean you need the other person to be a doormat. They should be capable of standing up for themselves when it really matters and respecting themselves enough to insist on reasonable boundaries.

But within those boundaries, a little bit of flexibility goes a long way.

“Being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships,” says Ronald Rogge, author of the study on emotional flexibility in relationships.

Stay single until you can find someone who is capable of emotional flexibility. Because when you do, you’ll have a much more solid basis for a mutually satisfying relationship.

9) Kindness

Finally, don’t overlook the importance of kindness.

Anyone can be kind to a person they want to be with. But you should look for someone who is kind across the board. Are they kind to their family? Their friends? Their coworkers? Are they kind even to strangers and to animals?

If so, it’s a good sign that kindness isn’t just something they are doing for effect, but a fundamental part of who they are.

And if that’s the case, chances are good that they will be kind to you, too.

We all need a little bit of kindness in our lives from time to time, and our romantic partners are usually the first person we turn to for that kindness. So stay single until you can find someone who proves themselves capable of being kind, not just to you, but to everyone around you.

Waiting for the right one

Notice that I didn’t say anywhere in this list that you should look for perfection. Perfection does not exist in humans or their relationships.

But these essential traits demonstrate a person with a really good heart and a good head on their shoulders. And a person like that is worth waiting for.

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