8 subtle phrases manipulative people use to control others, according to psychology

If you’ve ever interacted with a manipulative person, you know things can get tricky and confusing.

Manipulative individuals often use subtle phrases to control and influence others, which can leave you feeling bewildered and out of balance.

These phrases may seem benign, but they’re often laced with hidden intentions, and that’s where the manipulation lies.

Manipulation isn’t a natural character trait, but rather a learned behavior, according to psychology.

Everyone encounters manipulative people differently.

Yet, understanding these eight subtle phrases could help you navigate these interactions with greater ease.

So let’s dive deeper into the psychology behind these phrases and how manipulative people use them to gain control.

1) “I’m only saying this for your own good”

This phrase is a classic tool in the manipulator’s arsenal.

On the surface, it appears as though the person has your best interests at heart. However, the underlying intent is often far from altruistic.

The phrase “I’m only saying this for your own good” is frequently used by manipulators to justify their unsolicited advice or criticism.

It’s a way for them to exert control, under the guise of concern and care.

For example, a manipulator might use this phrase to criticize your career choices or personal decisions, making you doubt your own judgment.

The result?

You start to question your actions and choices, potentially leading you to become more dependent on the manipulator’s “guidance”.

Remember, genuine advice and criticism should be constructive and respectful, not used as a tool for control and dominance.

When someone uses this phrase, it’s essential to recognize it for what it is – a subtle form of manipulation.

2) “Don’t you trust me?”

This phrase might seem like a plea for faith in the person’s intentions, but it often serves a more manipulative purpose.

A manipulator uses “Don’t you trust me?” as a way to avoid accountability and place the burden of proof on you.

Instead of addressing your concerns or questions, they turn the tables and make it about your lack of trust.

For instance, if you question a manipulator about their late-night outings or suspicious behavior, they might respond with “Don’t you trust me?”, turning the focus away from their actions and onto your supposed lack of trust.

The key is to remember that trust is earned through honesty and transparency, not demanded or manipulated. It’s okay to question and seek clarity when things don’t add up.

3) “You’re just too sensitive”

This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes another question their reality.

When a manipulator says “You’re just too sensitive,” they’re dismissing your feelings and experiences.

This creates self-doubt and can lead to you questioning your emotional responses.

For instance, if you express that you’re hurt by their harsh words or actions, they might use this phrase to deflect the blame onto you.

Rather than acknowledging their behavior, they make it about your supposedly excessive sensitivity.

The truth is, everyone has the right to their feelings. Being sensitive is not a fault but a human trait that varies from person to person.

It’s crucial not to let anyone belittle your emotions or make you feel guilty for expressing them.

4) “If you really loved me, you would…”

This phrase tugs at the heartstrings. Love is a profound emotion, and manipulators know just how to use it to their advantage.

By saying “If you really loved me, you would…”, they are creating a direct link between your actions and the supposed proof of your love for them.

It’s a way for them to coerce you into doing what they want under the pretense of proving your love.

For example, they might use this phrase to pressure you into making a decision or taking an action that you’re uncomfortable with.

They’re essentially making your love for them conditional upon your compliance with their demands.

Remember, love is about respect, understanding, and mutual consent.

It should never be used as a bargaining chip or a means to manipulate someone into doing something against their will or better judgment.

5) “Everyone thinks that…”

This phrase is quite common and can be incredibly impactful.

Who doesn’t worry about what others think of them?

When a manipulator says “Everyone thinks that…”, they’re using social pressure to sway your opinion or behaviour.

They’re implying that if you don’t conform to this supposedly popular belief or action, you’ll be left out or judged.

For instance, they might say something like “Everyone thinks that you’re overreacting,” to make you feel isolated and question your feelings.

It’s essential to remember that opinions can vary widely, and what matters most is to stay true to your values and beliefs.

Don’t let the fear of judgment or the need for acceptance sway you into compromising your authenticity.

6) “I was just joking”

Humor is a great way to lighten up a situation or connect with others. However, in the hands of a manipulator, it can become a tool for masking hurtful comments or actions.

For instance, imagine you’re at a gathering where someone makes a disrespectful remark about your appearance or job.

When you express your discomfort, they quickly retort with “I was just joking,” implying that you’re overreacting or lack a sense of humor.

In this scenario, “I was just joking” is used as a cover-up for disrespect or rudeness.

It’s crucial to recognize that humor should never be at the expense of someone’s feelings or self-esteem.

If a joke hurts, it’s not a joke—it’s an insult.

7) “You owe me”

This phrase is a power play. Manipulators use it to make you feel indebted to them, creating an imbalance in the relationship.

The dynamic goes like this: they do you a favor or help you out, then later remind you of it when they need something in return.

The phrase “You owe me” suddenly appears, making you feel obligated to comply with their request.

The thing to remember here is that true kindness and generosity come without strings attached.

If someone helps you out, it should be because they genuinely want to, not because they expect something in return.

Be wary of those who keep score; relationships are not a game of debts and paybacks.

8) “You’re overthinking it”

This phrase is a manipulator’s way of dismissing your concerns or feelings.

By telling you that you’re overthinking, they’re implying that your worries are baseless, and it’s all in your head.

For instance, if you sense something is off and raise your concerns, a manipulator might brush it off with “You’re overthinking it,” making you question your instincts and perceptions.

Here’s the most important thing to remember: Trust yourself. Your feelings and intuition are valid and should not be dismissed.

If something doesn’t feel right, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Stand firm in your perspective and believe in your ability to perceive and interpret situations accurately.

Conclusion

Navigating interactions with manipulative individuals can be challenging, but understanding the subtle phrases they use can help you maintain your balance and clarity.

Recognizing these manipulative tactics empowers you to stand firm and trust your own judgment.

Remember, true relationships are built on mutual respect, honesty, and transparency, not control and manipulation.

By staying aware of these common phrases and their hidden intentions, you can protect yourself from being swayed by manipulative behavior.

Trust yourself, value your feelings, and don’t let anyone undermine your sense of reality.