6 subtle signs people find you draining to be around, according to

You know those people who just yap and yap without ever asking you a single question? People who only ever complain? People who bring negative energy into every room they enter?

Yeah, those.

Well, the bad news is that you might be one of them.

The good news is that it’s always possible to re-learn our patterns, incorporate new ways of thinking, and grow as a person. And it all begins here: with self-awareness.

Here are the 6 subtle signs people find you draining to be around.

Let’s go!

1) Your conversations rarely dig deep

According to Psychology Today, “Conversation is a lot like art. It is one of those uniquely human experiences that distills so much complexity and exhibits such infinite variety that it verges on the indefinable.”

What’s more, “Conversation has extraordinary powers to excite, our neurons being so sensitive to face-to-face engagement that they rapidly activate reward systems in our brains.”

To sum it up, high-quality conversation is an extremely important part of human relationships. It’s what helps us build stronger connections, understand one another on a deeper level, and sustain long-term friendships.

But what if your conversations with others only ever revolve around small talk or surface-level matters?

What if you rarely dig deep into the issues that excite, stimulate, and challenge?

Well, it may be possible that you haven’t yet found the right person to connect with. However, there’s also a chance that people find you draining to be around and therefore keep things surface-level and curt.

If the latter is the case, it’s usually paired up with our second sign…

2) Your social interactions have a short expiration date

You’ve just struck up a conversation with Alyssa, and all of a sudden, she has somewhere important to go.

You’ve gone for coffee with Josh, but once the hour is up, he has to run.

You’ve tried to dive deeper into a certain issue with Karen, but she’s waved it away, suddenly too busy to chat.

Again, there’s the possibility that Alyssa and Josh and Karen are all too busy to engage in fun and high-quality conversation at the moment.

But it’s also possible that they simply don’t enjoy talking to you, and so they try to cut every conversation short and make their escape.

The question is, “Why?”

Well, the next sign may shed some light on the issue.

3) People tend to leave you in a worse mood than before

If people usually come say hi in a cheerful and excited mood only to leave the interaction grumpy and tired, I’m sorry to say you may have a negative impact on them.

If you complain a lot, only ever talk about yourself, or tend to ramble on about inconsequential matters they obviously don’t care much about, there’s a high chance they won’t enjoy chatting with you and will slowly grow annoyed and frustrated.

Plus, negativity rubs off on people. Your frequent complaining may drag the other person down, and before they know it, they’re complaining, too, all railed up and dissatisfied.

This phenomenon is called emotional contagion.

As per Psychology Today, “It is easy to feel happy when your friend is happy. Likewise, if your friend or partner is angry, you may feel that anger as well.

Emotional contagion is tied to empathy. Positive feelings can lead to deeper intimacy, and negative ones can bring on tension and conflict.”

If you’re pure negativity on two legs, people may find you draining to be around.

This isn’t to say you can’t ever complain, of course. But make sure your relationships are primarily founded on positivity and love rather than complaints and pessimism.

4) People’s eyes glaze over when you talk

Another subtle sign to watch out for is that glazed-over stare that signals a lack of presence.

The truth of the matter is that if you’re saying something interesting or relevant, people will usually listen.

They may not be the best listeners out there, but generally, they’ll provide you with certain cues, such as nodding their heads, maintaining eye contact, and chiming in with little remarks or sounds.

If they’re just staring somewhere next to you with their eyes glazed over, it most probably means they’re not paying attention.

Yes, they may be terrible at listening, and that’s why they’ve zoned out. That’s always an option.

But it’s important to remain self-aware here.

How long have you been yapping for? How long has it been since you asked them a question to bring them back into the centre of the conversation? How long have you been engaged in a monologue rather than a dialogue?

These are some important questions to ask yourself.

No one likes to feel like they’re a sounding board for your ideas. A conversation should be stimulating and interesting to both parties, not just one.

5) Their body language is closed off

You may not realize it, but your body language constantly speaks for you. If you cross your arms, it signals something; if you put your hands on your hips, it carries a certain meaning.

Of course, these are all very context-dependent, which means that nonverbal communication isn’t exact science.

Generally, though, a closed-off body language means the other person isn’t fully open with you, be it due to feeling uncomfortable, shy, intimidated, or dozens of different reasons that are wholly dependent on the situation at hand.

For example, Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., PhD, a doctor of social and personality psychology, explains that “turning toward someone, with uncrossed arms and legs, signals interest and attentiveness—whereas turning away or closing off does not.”

Here are a few other body language cues that generally signal withdrawal:

• Having their feet pointed away from you
• Taking a few steps backwards as the conversation draws to an end
• Leaning back in their chair
• A lack of eye contact
• Bland facial expressions

6) People rarely reach out to ask you to hang out

Our final sign is quite obvious, but it bears mentioning nonetheless – if people rarely ever reach out and ask you to meet up, it might mean they aren’t all that interested in strengthening their connection with you.

Of course, that may be for multiple reasons – they could be busy or they might not be on the same wavelength as you – but one such reason could be that you’re simply too draining to be around.

But hey, it’s not all bad!

As I mentioned previously, humans have the amazing ability to grow and change if only they put in the work.

Who knows?

A few years down the line, you might be the most optimistic and likable person there is. It all starts with your mindset.

And remember: the happier you are with yourself and your life, the less draining you’re likely to be.

Just like negativity, happiness is contagious, too.