The art of influence: 9 tactics for persuading people without manipulation

A few years ago, I sat in an auditorium and listened to an elderly female professor speak passionately about the novel “Ulysses”. So much so that she convinced me to read it. 

I, who had always ardently refused to even start on that humongous novel, went to the bookstore, purchased a copy, and finally sat down to read it. 

Did I finish it? I’d love to say yes, but no, I didn’t. I did reach the halfway point, but eventually, I joined the long line of people who complained about the book being a tough read. 

At which point I asked myself – why did I even bother starting when all signs already pointed to the fact that I wouldn’t finish it? 

Well, I blame that professor. She was so persuasive that I put my defenses down. And mind you, I didn’t feel manipulated at all. 

Yes, such people exist. I know we think of persuasion as always having a touch of manipulation, but there really are people who manage to be convincing without having to resort to manipulation. 

How do they do it? Here are 9 tactics they use (actually, I should simply call it “ways” because “tactics” seems a little too wily and knowing). 

Anyway, let’s dive in!

1) They know their audience

Any successful speaker will tell you that knowing your audience is the first step to effective communication and influence. 

That totally makes sense. If you don’t know your audience, how will you know what their interests and values are? How will you know the way by which they prefer to get information? 

People who are persuasive without being manipulative are able to tailor their tone, style, and message because they take the time to know their audience. 

This step alone can get half the job done. 

2) They build rapport

Why is building rapport so important? Because we tend to believe and follow people we like. 

People who know how to persuade without resorting to manipulative tactics know the power of connection. They know how connection opens up an avenue for communication. 

Think about it – would you be more receptive to ideas and suggestions from someone you feel connected to or from a complete stranger? 

Now the next question is, how do they build rapport? Here are some ways they do that: 

• They listen actively to what the other person is saying
• They try to understand and acknowledge the other person’s perspective and emotions
• They find common ground and use that as a basis to connect
• They use open and inviting body language (that includes eye contact – very important!)
• They respect the other person’s boundaries
• They lighten the mood with appropriate humor

And most importantly, they are authentic in their interactions. Because the plain and simple fact is that sincerity is the key to building rapport.

3) They frame their point in positive language

Another way persuasive people can convince you of their point without manipulating you is by using positive language. 

This was exactly how that professor I mentioned earlier managed to convince me to read that dratted book. She was just so darned positive about it! 

Which made me think…hmm, maybe I should give it a go? It can’t be that bad if she’s waxing poetic about it! 

(Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying it’s a bad book. I’m sure it’s excellent. It’s just…not for me.)

But I digress…

The point here is the subtle power of positive language. When you present things in a positive light, you have the chance to open people’s minds and make them consider their previous stances. 

However, to be able to do this, you also need to be passionate about what you’re saying. Which brings me to my next point…

4) They speak with passion

Passion is contagious. I don’t know about you, but when I hear someone talk about a subject with genuine enthusiasm and deep conviction, my ears perk up. 

Ethically persuasive people (to distinguish them from the manipulatively persuasive) come from a place of authenticity. They firmly, completely believe in what they’re saying. 

And it shines through in tone and earnestness. Unless you have a heart of stone, it’s hard not to get drawn in.

On top of that, passion tells you one another thing – that the person is deeply knowledgeable on the subject. Which then leads you to regard them with trust and credibility. 

Before you know it, you’ll be reading Ulysses yourself (or whatever your version of that is)!

5) They use storytelling and examples

This is closely connected to my two previous points. Positive and passionate people just naturally use storytelling to build their case. 

Presenting ideas (or products or services or what-have-you) becomes more interesting to the listener if you spruce it up with a few stories and examples.

Why? Because the human brain loves stories!

And I mean that literally. As in, different areas of our brain light up when listening to a story. 

In an NPR report, Princeton University psychology and neuroscience professor Uri Hasson said, “As you hear a story unfold, your brain waves actually start to synchronize with those of the storyteller.” 

Plus, stories are a great way to package ideas that can be abstract and hard to grasp. 

All of that adds up to this essential ingredient in persuasion I mentioned earlier – connection. 

6) They appeal to emotions 

Without exploiting them. I need to emphasize that because this is precisely what separates the ethically persuasive from the manipulators. 

You see, manipulators want control. They tug at your heartstrings to bend you to their will, but it’s really just deceitful mind games. 

On the other hand, persuasive people merely want cooperation. Of course, they’d want you to relate to what they’re saying, but they’ll do it in a way that’s respectful and mindful of your emotional well-being. 

See the difference? It’s very subtle, which is why a lot of people miss it and get sucked into mind games. 

But one way that you can tell if a persuasive person is sincere and truthful is this… 

7) They provide evidence

That’s right, as much as they would love to have you emotionally invested, they won’t do it without first providing evidence to back up their claim. 

In short, their argument is balanced. Not overly emotional, not overly cold. Just emotional connection and facts as the foundation. 

Pretty strong argument, don’t you think? That’s precisely why they’re so persuasive! 

8) They have authority

Another way that people persuade others without manipulation is by establishing authority. 

I don’t mean authority in the sense that they’re domineering or controlling. I mean that they’re recognized as knowledgeable and credible in their field or on a particular topic (like the Ulysses-loving professor). 

When someone is seen as an authority, their opinions and recommendations carry more weight. 

That’s the authority bias at work – we simply tend to accept information or follow instructions when it comes from a perceived authority, like a manager, for example. 

But truly, you don’t really need to be in a higher-up position or be an industry leader to be persuasive. 

Like I said, just being passionate about something gives people the impression that you know what you’re talking about. 

Even if it’s just a hobby, like homebrewing beer for example, you’re offering real value because you have expertise and experience in the area. 

So when you talk about that, you don’t need to resort to manipulation. 

9) They are respectful 

Have you ever walked around a store followed by a well-meaning but pesky salesperson pushing every product you look at? 

It’s one of my pet peeves. It’s awkward and kinda overwhelming. I feel like it encroaches on my personal space and creates a lot of pressure. 

I wonder why they still do it when it’s so counterproductive. The relentless approach makes me end up leaving the store instead of buying something. 

That’s why I love this one store I go to for my personal care products. The salesperson doesn’t hover over me, she’s just at the counter to answer my questions if I have any. 

She knows their products so well and always makes great recommendations for my specific concerns, all with an air of authority. That, for me, is more convincing than any long-winded, hyped-up spiel. 

And you know what? I often end up buying more than I intended to! 

This is what effective persuaders do – they create a space where you feel comfortable and in control of your decisions. They guide rather than push, and inform rather than pressure. 

As I mentioned earlier, they know their audience. And let me add to that now – they respect their audience well enough to leave the final decision in their hands. 

Final thoughts

I hope this article has shown you enough of the differences between honest persuasion and manipulative persuasion. 

The line between the two can sometimes seem thin, but the difference lies in this: respect, empathy, and genuine communication between listener and speaker. 

Because the overall goal of people who’ve learned the art of persuasion without manipulation is to create a win-win situation. Like I said earlier, it’s about cooperation, not control.