The art of subtle charm: 10 habits that make people irresistibly attracted to you

by Amy Reed | July 2, 2024, 11:14 am

People aren’t born charming.

Just like people in happy relationships with lots of genuine friends aren’t born knowing how to get on with others!

No – instead, they’ve managed to learn the art of subtle charm at some point in their lives.

Which means they know the ins and outs of what makes people feel good – and they use what they know to (as the saying goes) “win friends and influence people”!

Want to learn the art of subtle charm? It’s all about what you do and say. And it’s easier than you think!

Here’s how:

1) Smile with your eyes

Firstly, if you want to charm people, learning how to smile genuinely is the best starting point.

Experts say that smiling with your eyes is something every person recognizes as the most genuine type of smile.

Think about when you pass someone on the street. If they glare at you or glance your way with a vacant gaze, how likely are you to remember them? Or think they seem nice?

Probably not very likely, I’d imagine.

But what if they walked past and beamed at you with a smile that lit up their eyes? You’d remember them, right? Right. You’d probably be a bit drawn to them, too!

That’s how most people feel when they meet you – for the first time or otherwise – when you smile in a way that lights up your face.

So do it often and do it well if you want people to like you!

2) Make eye contact when someone is talking

Imagine you’re talking in a crowd. Everyone starts averting their gaze and looking at something else. Some people even start their own conversations.

But there’s one person who holds your gaze. They keep looking at you, nodding their head, and smiling – encouraging you to keep talking because they’re listening.

It’s nice, right?

I love these people. These people make me feel special. Like what I have to say is still important, even though most people aren’t listening anymore!

And I can’t deny it, I always speak highly of these people and like them.

So definitely give this one a go if you want to be more charming.

3) Compliment others often

Compliments make people feel good – it’s scientifically proven!

When I think back to people I knew in college and different careers, I always remember someone as “nice” if they complimented me often.

That may sound vain of me, but it’s just true! And I’m sure you think that, too.

Telling someone you like their jacket, nails, or T-shirt is a nice thing to do for someone. It can make their day and (most importantly) make them like you!

Going even further with your compliments by telling them something nice about their personality is even better.

Like if you compliment their positive mindset, emotional strength, or inner motivation.

It’ll make them feel even more valued, appreciated, and seen – on a deeper level than just the materialistic stuff.

4) Be kind

Charming people are charming for a reason. Their biggest quality is making other people feel happy and special.

And what’s the best way to make others feel like that?

Well, first of all, you need to be kind. No one feels drawn to someone rude, short, disagreeable, or outright impolite.

No. Instead, they like people who are warm and kind-hearted!

They like people who let them go first, offer them the “bigger half”, hold the door open, help them with chores, and say something nice when they’re feeling down.

Of course, it’s best to do these things genuinely rather than just for show. If you’re trying to woo people, those with high emotional intelligence can often spot a “fake” or a liar from a mile away.

So don’t go too overboard with your kindness – or it could come across as fake!

5) Be thoughtful in how you speak and act

It’s not just kindness that makes you charming. Being thoughtful can go a long way in making someone attracted to your presence!

The best way to be thoughtful is to remember things about someone – and bring them up the next time you see them.

Like if they tell you they’re going to the dentist or on a date, remember it and make sure to ask them how it went when you next speak.

There’s no better way to make them feel important (and make them like you more!).

6) Be generous with your time, money, and energy

The saying “Actions speak louder than words” isn’t always true. I personally think words are very important!

But still, the things you do determine whether someone likes you or not.

If you had to think of something nice to say about someone, wouldn’t you think that calling them “generous” is a positive thing?

That’s because your time, money, and energy are important. Everyone knows that. And giving those things to others is a big deal.

For sure, don’t splash all your cash on other people just to make them like you. That’ll only attract the wrong type of person. It’ll also leave you feeling pretty bitter about things!

But being a little generous with how you give your time, money, and energy can go a long way in getting people to think highly of you.

7) Express gratitude and be appreciative

My parents always raised me to be polite. As a kid, I was always saying my please and thank you’s.

All my friends’ parents used to say how polite and pleasant I was. They also said I was always welcome around their home in the future.

Now that I’m older, I completely get why they said those things.

People who are appreciative and express gratitude are just lovely to be around.

They make you feel valued and appreciated, which, according to experts, gives you a greater sense of purpose and meaning in life.

And the best way to make people instantly attracted to you is to make them feel exactly that way – valued and appreciated.

8) Avoid interrupting others

There’s a time and place for interrupting other people – and if you want to make them like you, that isn’t the time or place!

People feel valued when they feel listened to.

They don’t generally feel good if you keep cutting them up or talking over them. In fact, it often makes people think you’re disrespectful and rude.

A good time would be when you need your voice to be heard, like in a big meeting at work when your colleagues won’t let you get a word in edgeways.

Cutting someone off can sometimes be the best way to assert your authority, gain respect, and (most importantly) say your piece!

But when you want people to like you? It’s a no-go.

9) Listen more than you speak

When you want to charm people, it’s not just interrupting them that you should skip out on. Talking too much is just as bad as cutting them off!

Most people love talking about themselves.

They love sharing what they’re up to, what they’ve been up to, and (if they don’t know you well) talking to you about who they are.

So if you want to woo them, listen more than you speak.

Experts say it’ll make them feel more connected to you and like you understand them.

Both of these can make people feel more positive toward you and like they want to spend more time with you. I.e., they’ll find you more attractive to be around!

10) Ask people questions about themselves

A friend once told me that the reason people think they’re so nice is that they ask a lot of questions.

“Everyone likes it when you take an interest in their life,” he said. “It makes you feel important”.

It’s safe to say that he was onto something.

Experts say that asking someone a lot of questions about themselves creates connection and lasting fondness toward you.

So when you meet someone new, show an interest in how they are, what they get up to, what they enjoy, how they feel about things, and what their goals are in life.

Just be careful you aren’t too probing or intrusive with your questions. Brush up on your social skills so you know what questions to ask and what to avoid.

And if someone doesn’t want to answer something, don’t pry. That’ll be the opposite of charming!

Final thoughts

Sure, you can’t make anyone fall in love with you. Nor can you force anyone to like you. Sometimes, how they feel is just out of your control!

But you can make most people like you and want to be in your company.

Why? Because being charming is all about doing certain things to make people feel good.

So if you want to be irresistibly attractive to most people in your life – especially romantic interests, new friends, work colleagues, or potential employers – doing these things and learning the art of charm is the best way to go!

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