12 things high self-esteem people never do (so you shouldn’t either)

Let’s get one thing straight: Your self-worth isn’t up for debate. You aren’t some second-rate version of somebody else or a fill-in-the-blank type of human.

Your worth isn’t dependent on compliments, the likes on your Instagram post, or what your friend said about you the other day.

You’re enough – just the way you are.

However, I do acknowledge that valuing your self-worth isn’t easy. It requires courage, honesty, and a decent dose of humility. It’s an ongoing battle inside your head.

With the following characteristics, you’ll be better equipped to handle this battle.

1) They Don’t Cling to Unhealthy Relationships

The nice – and also cruel – thing about life is that you get to choose what to catch and what to release.

You have the agency to decide which relationships are nourishing, as well as which ones drain you and weigh you down.

But to do so, you need to recognize the toxic, detrimental patterns (e.g., disrespect, manipulation, neglect) that can thrive in unhealthy relationships.

These can turn into ripple effects that influence how you perceive yourself and how you interact in other relationships.

Think about the friend that consistently invalidates your feelings – the colleague who gossips behind your back – the partner who continues to manipulate you.

If you value your self-worth, you’ll know how to take appropriate action and steer clear of such associations without any bad blood.

This could be through setting boundaries, engaging in a candid conversation, or distancing yourself.

2) They Don’t Say “Yes” When They Want to Say “No”

Let’s talk about boundaries. People who value their self-worth know that every time they say “yes” when they really want to say “no”, they’re denying their own needs and desires.

They don’t want to prioritize others’ happiness every time.

If you do, you’ll end up being a doormat. People will think that they can abuse your “yes man” personality.

Imagine a scenario where your friend asks you for a favor that would disrupt your personal plans.

It might be tempting to be a people pleaser (you might even think your friendship is on the line).

But that’s the thing – you need to learn how and when to draw the line. It’s okay to refuse requests that you deem intrusive. Your time is valuable.

3) They Don’t Ignore Their Intuition and Gut Feeling

They don’t dismiss their intuition as mere speculation or paranoia. Instead, they consider it as a major component of their decision-making process.

They trust their instincts because they trust themselves.

They understand that their inner voice is an echo of their experiences, knowledge, and wisdom accumulated over the years.

Late last year, I was offered an attractive job with a higher salary and more benefits.

However, despite the glittering offer, I had a lingering unease about the company’s culture and values based on my interview interactions.

I declined the offer simply because I trusted my gut feeling.

My self-worth took precedence over a potentially toxic work environment with attractive financial benefits.

4) They Don’t Hold Onto Grudges

These types of people liberate themselves from the heavy chains of resentment.

They care about their peace of mind. Clinging to grudges is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to drop dead – which is, quite obviously, not a nice place to be in headspace-wise.

When you willingly carry around this massive, unnecessary load, you’re stubbornly dragging a boulder up a hill when you could be admiring the view.

Let’s say a friend betrayed your trust. It’s completely natural to feel hurt and angry. You might even need to vent about it.

But does it make sense to allow this betrayal to cast a long, dark shadow over your life to the point where you don’t feel happy anymore?

Of course not. Acknowledge your emotions. Charge it to experience. Then release the grudge. As I mentioned, life is all about catch and release – you get to decide.

5) They Don’t Compromise Their Values or Principles to Fit In or Please Others

They have a strong moral compass that they won’t ever compromise. Their principles and values form the backbone of their character.

And if they abandon these beliefs to please others, they’re essentially rejecting their true selves. This self-rejection is the antithesis of self-worth.

Think about it this way: You’re in a social setting. The atmosphere is electric, conversation flowing, laughter echoing.

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment in order to conform to the crowd, but I need you to understand that anyone who demands that you compromise their values for their comfort doesn’t value you for who you are.

They want you to fit their picture of “you” which isn’t always accurate.

6) They Don’t Avoid Difficult Conversations

“If you think it’s a difficult conversation, it’s probably a conversation worth having.”

People who know their worth also know the importance of engaging in difficult conversations.

While these can be emotionally charged, awkward, or uncomfortable, they acknowledge that the only way out of a problem is through it.

These conversations are necessary steps towards resolution and growth.

Back in university, I was living in a dormitory with one roommate who consistently neglected her share of the chores.

My patience was tested. I was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

I could’ve stayed silent, but I chose to have a difficult, but civil conversation.

I didn’t just have a cleaner dorm. I valued my self-worth and recognized the need for fairness and mutual respect in our living arrangement.

7) They Don’t Let Their Fears Prevent Them From Pursuing Their Dreams

Succumbing to fears is like placing yourself in a self-imposed prison – one where the walls are constructed from your own anxieties, doubts, and insecurities.

But those who value their self-worth know that fear is an emotion, not a life sentence.

We all experience fear in different forms, be it the fear of failure, rejection, or even success.

The thing is, fear is only a part of the human experience, not the whole of it. It doesn’t define us, and it certainly doesn’t determine our worth.

8) They Don’t Dismiss Their Feelings

These individuals know that every emotion, pleasant or unpleasant, has its purpose. Each one is valid. They see their emotions as guides, not enemies to be silenced or dismissed.

For example, when you’re feeling overwhelmed by work, this might be a sign that something needs to change – maybe you need to learn how to delegate, set work-life boundaries, or have a talk with your boss.

9) They Don’t Base Their Happiness Solely on Achievement

Get yourself out of that rat race. If you’re in a state of perpetual striving – where your worth is determined by external achievements – I hope you know that you’re in a race with no finish line.

My friend, Marco, was a high-performing executive – a corporate hotshot, as they say.

His life was defined by his six-digit salary, targets hit, and goals smashed. His happiness always seemed like another milestone away, always elusive, always just out of reach.

Once he realized that his self-worth was far more complex than a corner office in Silicon Valley, he took his foot off the pedal. He learned to separate his value from his professional achievements.

This brought him a sense of inner peace he had long forgotten, proving that our worth isn’t determined by a string of victories but by our very existence.

10) They Don’t Neglect Personal Development

They make personal development a priority. They respect themselves enough to keep evolving.

For instance, if you value your self-worth, you might opt to regularly set aside time for self-reflection, learning new skills, reading, exercising, or practising mindfulness.

These aren’t chores to tick off your to-do list but, rather, investments in yourself.

I recall a time in my life when I was always the life of the party. I had a circle of friends that anyone would envy. But beneath the surface, I was grappling with low self-esteem and so much self-doubt – I never felt good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough.

After a few sessions of therapy, I was able to unravel my insecurities and challenge my negative self-beliefs. I finally began to value myself.

11) They Don’t Constantly Compare Themselves to Others

Comparison is a slippery slope that often leads to self-doubt, dissatisfaction, and diminished self-worth. It’s a mirage.

You think you’re being validated, but you just end up feeling empty and inadequate.

Comparing your journey to someone else’ is both unfair and unproductive.

It’s high time that you focus on outdoing your past self. There’s no value in outdoing other people.

12) They Don’t Minimize Their Accomplishments

Minimizing your accomplishments is like dimming your own light. It’s a subtle form of self-sabotage.

Individuals who respect their self-worth don’t downplay their successes or dismiss them as luck or trivial.

On the contrary, they celebrate every achievement, big or small, using them as fuel to propel them forward.

For example, if you finally finished that task at work you’ve been putting off for days, don’t dismiss it as just part of your job.

Acknowledge your effort. Celebrate it. Share it with others.

Not only will your confidence improve, but you’ll also feel a stronger sense of self-worth and job satisfaction.