9 things really toxic people do to manipulate others, according to psychology

There’s a fine line between influence and manipulation, and toxic people know how to blur it perfectly.

Manipulation isn’t about giving you a choice, it’s about making you think you have one, while ensuring they get what they want.

Really toxic people have mastered this art, using techniques deeply rooted in psychology to subtly control others.

So, let’s dive into the 9 things these manipulators do according to psychology. I’ll shed light on these tactics so you can spot them and steer clear. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

1) Gaslighting

In the realm of manipulation, few techniques are as psychologically damaging as gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a tactic where a person, to gain power and control, makes someone question their reality.

It’s a term derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s losing her sanity.

This technique is frequently used by toxic people to instil doubt and confusion in their victims.

They:

• Distort facts
• Deny saying things they’ve said
• Create scenarios to disorient the other person

Imagine, for instance, being repeatedly told that your memory is faulty, or that your feelings are irrational or overly sensitive.

Over time, you might start doubting your own perceptions and judgments.

The key here is recognizing the signs of gaslighting:

• Constant self-doubt
• Confusion
• Feeling crazy or misunderstood.

Spotting this manipulation tactic is the first step to protecting yourself from its harmful effects.

But remember: acknowledging gaslighting isn’t easy. It’s a subtle form of manipulation that thrives on self-doubt. And the more aware we are, the better we can protect ourselves.

2) Guilt tripping

Let me tell you about a personal experience I had with one of the oldest tricks in the manipulator’s book – guilt tripping.

A friend of mine, let’s call him Steve, had a knack for making everyone around him feel guilty about their actions or decisions, even when there was no reason to be.

Guess what he did when we planned a group vacation and I couldn’t join because of a family emergency?

Instead of understanding my situation, Steve tried to make me feel guilty about ruining the vacation for everyone.

He said things like, “We won’t have as much fun without you,” and “You always bail on us.”

This is classic guilt tripping.

Toxic people like Steve use guilt as a weapon to manipulate others into doing what they want, often using emotional blackmail.

They make you feel responsible for their happiness and use your empathy and care against you.

Recognizing guilt tripping when it happens is crucial.

It helps you set boundaries and ensures you’re not manipulated into doing something you don’t want to.

So next time someone tries to pull a ‘Steve’ on you, know that it’s okay to put your foot down and say no.

3) Playing the victim

The Victim Card is a frequent tool in a manipulator’s arsenal.

It’s a psychological ploy where the manipulator presents themselves as the victim of circumstances, to gain sympathy or favors from others.

Research has found that individuals who habitually engage in victimhood are likely to have dark triad personality traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

These individuals constantly portray themselves as victims, blaming others for their problems and manipulating their emotions.

This often leads to the real victims feeling guilty and obliged to help or forgive them, even when they’re the ones at fault.

Understanding this manipulation tactic can help us draw a line between genuine need and emotional manipulation.

Remember, sympathy should come from understanding and empathy, not from guilt or obligation.

4) Constant criticism

Toxic individuals often use constant criticism as a way to manipulate and control the people around them.

They nitpick, belittle, and pinpoint every possible flaw or mistake you make, no matter how insignificant.

Their aim?

To shake your self-esteem and make you feel inferior, so they can maintain control over you.

The criticism could be about anything:

• Your appearance
• Your work
• Your friends
• Your dreams and aspirations.

The goal is always the same: to make you feel small and to keep you in a state of self-doubt.

Recognizing this form of manipulation is key to protecting yourself from its damaging effects.

It’s important to remember that nobody’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

Constructive feedback is one thing, but constant criticism aimed at breaking you down is a red flag.

Don’t let anyone make you feel less than what you are.

5) Silent treatment

Ever found yourself in a situation where someone is giving you the cold shoulder or ignoring you completely?

Welcome to the world of silent treatment, a classic manipulative tactic.

The silent treatment is essentially an emotional boycott. The manipulator refuses to communicate or acknowledge your presence, often to punish you for something they perceive as wrong.

It’s a passive-aggressive method designed to make you feel guilty or anxious, pushing you into seeking their approval or changing your behavior to their liking.

If someone resorts to the silent treatment instead of expressing their concerns or issues openly, it’s a clear sign of manipulation.

Don’t let the silence manipulate you into self-blame or desperation for their attention.

6) Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation where people close to us exploit our feelings of fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) to achieve their own ends.

Picture this: a loving mother who has always been there for her son.

He’s grown now and is starting to build his own life.

But every time he tries to assert his independence, she becomes emotionally distraught, saying things like, “After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”

This situation is heartbreaking and incredibly difficult to navigate.

The son, caught in the FOG of emotional blackmail, feels guilty and obligated to comply with his mother’s every demand, fearing the loss of her love and approval.

Real love and healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding, not on fear, obligation or guilt.

Recognizing emotional blackmail when it happens is the first step towards setting boundaries and reclaiming your independence.

7) Twisting the truth

I remember a time when a colleague of mine, let’s call him Jack, was an expert at twisting the truth. He would take facts and situations and distort them to suit his narrative.

One instance that stands out was during a team meeting where I presented an idea that Jack disagreed with.

Instead of expressing his disagreement outright, he subtly twisted my words and presented them in a negative light, making it sound like my idea would harm the project rather than help it.

This is a common manipulative tactic.

By twisting the truth, manipulators like Jack can manipulate people’s perceptions and turn them against something or someone.

They use half-truths, exaggerations, and outright lies to deceive and control.

The key to dealing with this is to trust your own judgment and not let others distort your reality.

Always seek clarity and don’t be afraid to question things that seem off.

8) Overpowering conversations

Toxic individuals often manipulate others by controlling and overpowering conversations.

They may interrupt you, talk over you, or simply dominate the conversation so that it revolves around them and their opinions.

They often dismiss your thoughts and feelings as irrelevant or wrong, making you feel unheard and unimportant.

Their goal is to establish their dominance and make you feel inferior, manipulating you into agreeing with them or giving in to their demands.

It’s essential to remember that your thoughts and feelings are valid and deserve to be heard.

If someone consistently overpowers conversations, it may be a sign of manipulation. Don’t let anyone silence your voice or invalidate your feelings. Stand your ground and continue to express yourself.

9) Feigning innocence

Perhaps one of the most deceptive manipulation tactics is when toxic individuals feign innocence.

They play the innocent card, acting as if they have no idea what you’re talking about when confronted about their manipulative behavior.

They may act shocked, hurt, or even outraged that you would accuse them of such things.

Their goal is to make you question your judgment and possibly even apologize for accusing them.

This not only allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions but also to manipulate you into feeling guilty.

Always trust your instincts.

If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

Don’t let anyone make you doubt your perception of reality. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and it’s essential to stand firm in your truth.

Final thoughts: The power of awareness

Understanding these nine tactics used by toxic individuals is not about fostering distrust or paranoia. It’s about awareness – a powerful tool in navigating relationships and interactions.

By understanding these strategies, you can recognize when they are being used against you and take steps to protect yourself.

This doesn’t mean you have to cut ties with every person who has ever shown signs of manipulation. People are flawed and can resort to unhealthy behaviors when they feel threatened or insecure. It’s about setting boundaries and ensuring your mental and emotional well-being.

Manipulation thrives in the shadows of ignorance and uncertainty. So the best way to deal with it is often to shine a light on it and stand firm in your truth.