8 things you should never change about yourself when you enter a relationship

Starting a new relationship is one of the best feelings in the world. When you find that special someone, the excitement, joy, and passion can be almost overwhelming. 

In the midst of all these emotions, it’s natural to want to make changes to fit your partner’s world. After all, a successful relationship often requires some level of compromise.

But a word of caution – while it’s healthy to grow and adapt, there are some core things about yourself that should never change, no matter what. 

These are the things that make you, well, you! And guess what? They’re probably some of the reasons your partner fell for you in the first place.

In this article, we’ll talk about eight things you should never change about yourself, even when you’re in love. 

1) Your core values and beliefs

I’ll start with the most important one – the foundation of your whole being. 

Your core values and beliefs are the building blocks of who you are. If you set them aside to be “more compatible” with someone else, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. 

And sure, you might not notice it at first because all of the romance and exhilarating feelings are clouding your vision. 

But down the road, I’m absolutely sure that you’ll feel like a part of you is missing. 

I was once in such a relationship. My then boyfriend and I had so much in common. We both loved books, foreign films, and traveling, for example. 

But deeper than that, we had wildly different values. Especially when it came to spirituality and politics. 

After two years of trying to set aside my own beliefs to make the relationship work, I had to decide in the end that I couldn’t sustain it. 

That was two years of my life wasted. Well, not really wasted. It did teach me one valuable lesson: I should not sacrifice my beliefs for anyone if I wanted to live an authentic life. 

I learned that instead of changing my values, it’s better to share and understand them with my partner. It doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything, but we should always respect and love each other’s differences.

2) Your personal hobbies and passions

Those differences I mentioned above might include the things that make you happy, like your hobbies and passions. 

Maybe you love painting, but your partner doesn’t understand why you’d spend hours with a brush in hand. Or maybe you’re a fitness enthusiast, and your partner would rather curl up with a good book.

It’s completely natural for couples to have different hobbies and passions. But here’s the thing: these hobbies make you who you are. They bring joy, creativity, and balance to your life.

You shouldn’t have to give up painting or skip the gym just because your partner isn’t into it. 

Instead, these individual interests can be a source of strength in your relationship. You both get time to do what you love, and then you come back together, refreshed and happy.

So go ahead, keep your hobbies alive. They’re a part of you, and that’s something worth holding onto.

3) Your dreams and ambitions

Another part of you you should never give up is your dreams and ambitions. 

Maybe you’ve always dreamed of owning a floral shop. But then your partner says it isn’t practical because how many people really buy flowers on the regular, you know? 

Besides, owning a business would take up so much of your time, so there’d be little left for them.

Well, that type of person might not be the right one for you. Because the right one will support you and won’t make you feel like you have to give up your dream for them. 

When you’re in a relationship, it’s essential to keep those dreams alive. Of course, you might need to make adjustments and compromises along the way; life is never black and white, after all. 

Still, those core ambitions should never be put aside completely. They are a beautiful part of who you are, and they deserve to be nurtured, both within and outside of your relationship.

4) Your sense of independence

Your hobbies and passions are actually part of this larger sense of independence you have. 

Look, when two people come together in a relationship, it’s a beautiful blending of lives. But that doesn’t mean you should lose your sense of who you are outside of the relationship. 

That’s why, whether it’s pursuing a career goal, making personal decisions, or simply enjoying time alone, maintaining your independence is crucial.

And keep this in mind: Your partner fell for an independent you, someone who has their own thoughts, dreams, and ways of doing things. 

So maintaining your individuality doesn’t take away from your relationship and push you apart. 

On the contrary, it actually strengthens the relationship by preserving the unique qualities that make you who you are.

So keep embracing your independence. It’s not just healthy for you; it’s healthy for your relationship too!

To do that though, you also have to be pretty firm on…

5) Your boundaries

Everyone has boundaries – those lines that define what’s comfortable and what’s not. 

Maybe you need quiet time after work, or perhaps you’re not comfortable with your partner borrowing your phone. 

These boundaries might seem small, but they’re essential.

When you enter a relationship, these lines shouldn’t blur. Your boundaries are a reflection of your needs and your sense of self-respect. 

It’s not about being inflexible or stubborn; it’s about knowing what feels right for you.

Talk with your partner about what these boundaries are. Communication is key. A loving partner will respect those lines and appreciate you more for knowing yourself so well.

Your boundaries are yours, and they’re worth holding onto. Remember, a relationship built on respect for each other’s limits is a relationship built to last.

6) Your communication style

As we all know, communication is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. But not everyone communicates in the same way. 

Some people are talkative and expressive, while others may be more reserved and thoughtful. Your unique way of communicating is part of who you are.

When you enter a relationship, you might notice differences in how you and your partner communicate. That’s normal! 

What’s important is finding a common ground without losing your natural communication style.

Here are some tips to ensure that your individual communication style shines through:

• Learn how your partner communicates and let them know how you do too. Understanding is the first step towards effective communication.
• Be yourself. Don’t try to imitate your partner’s communication style. Embrace your natural way of expressing yourself.
• Find common ground. Work together to find ways to communicate that feel comfortable for both of you.
• Acknowledge that it’s okay to have different communication styles, and show respect for those differences.

Your unique way of communicating is something that adds flavor and authenticity to your relationship. By honoring and working with it, you and your partner can create a connection that’s truly one-of-a-kind.

7) Your sense of humor

Speaking of your communication style, let’s talk about your sense of humor. 

Yes, even that can be under negotiation when in a new relationship! 

I went through this myself in the past. I had a boyfriend who was serious and reserved, quite the opposite of me. He often didn’t understand my jokes, and sometimes he’d get annoyed when I broke out in my usual raucous laughter. 

So, to avoid pushing him away, I kind of softened my personality a bit. Dialed down the humor, swallowed all the jokes on the tip of my tongue. Laughed “like a lady should” instead of roaring and snorting like I normally do. 

Looking back, I wondered why I did all of that. I mean, my humor is such a huge part of me, so why would he even be with me if he didn’t appreciate it? 

I guess in that specific relationship, he was attracted to everything else. Except my sense of humor. 

But it’s part of my personality, so I shouldn’t have to suppress it. And neither should you.

8) Your friendships

Finally, what else shouldn’t you give up for a new relationship? Your friends! 

And why should you? Those friendships were there before your relationship, and they should still be there after.

They’re also part of what makes you, you. Your friends have shaped your past and continue to add joy to your present. 

So, no matter how tempting it is to put them on the back burner while you’re getting all loved up with your new boo, resist it. Keep those movie nights and coffee dates with your friends. 

Better yet, introduce your new partner to your friends so you can integrate them into your circle, instead of leaving your circle for them. 

Final thoughts

Relationships are complicated and it’s a lot of give and take. And that’s only right; after all, compromise is a key aspect that makes relationships work. 

But it doesn’t mean you have to change everything about yourself. You should never lose the real you – quirks and all. 

After all, it’s those unique parts of you that made your partner fall in love in the first place. So, stay true to yourself, and you’ll see how richer your relationship will be for it.