10 things you should never say to a highly sensitive person (HSP)

Ever met someone who seems to feel things a bit more deeply than others? 

They’re probably a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP for short. 

About 1 in 5 people are HSPs, and they bring a lot of good stuff to the table like empathy and a keen understanding of emotions. 

But they can also get hurt easily by words that might seem harmless to you. 

So how do you talk to them without stepping on a landmine? 

This article breaks it down for you, listing things you should definitely avoid saying and offering better ways to get your point across. 

It’s all about treating everyone, HSP or not, with the respect and kindness they deserve.

1) “You’re too sensitive.”

When you tell an HSP they’re too sensitive, you’re essentially asking them to be someone they’re not. 

And that can put an HSP in a difficult position, where they feel:

Saying this to an HSP is bad because:

• It invalidates a core part of their identity, making them feel like something is inherently wrong with them.
• It can lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy, possibly affecting their willingness to share feelings in the future.
• It undermines trust, as the HSP may feel that you’re not a safe person to show vulnerability around.

Even if you didn’t mean it to come across that way. 

Alternative: Instead, try saying something like, “I can see that you’re affected by this. Would you like to talk about it?”

2) “Stop overthinking everything.”

Imagine this:

You may feel tempted to say “just get over it” to an HSP friend who is still emotionally raw a month after a breakup.

Even though you don’t mean to be harsh, it could make your friend feel like you’re not taking their feelings seriously…

You see, HSPs naturally process information deeply. Telling them to stop overthinking invalidates a fundamental part of their nature and can make them feel misunderstood.

Alternative: You might instead ask, “Is there a specific worry you’d like to talk about?”

3) “Just get over it.”

This statement dismisses the HSP’s feelings and emotional challenges. 

HSPs might need more time to recover from setbacks or emotionally charged situations, and being dismissive only adds to their stress.

Think about it – even a non-HSP would feel hurt to be told to get over something that was seriously affecting them. 

I remember my brother telling me to get over the death of my pet…this happened 12 years ago but the sting of his words still remains. 

So, imagine the impact on a highly sensitive person?

Alternative: A more compassionate response could be, “Take the time you need; I’m here for you.”

4) “You need to toughen up.”

Here’s the thing: HSPs often feel things deeply, but this is not a weakness; it’s simply a part of who they are.

But by telling them to toughen up:

• It implies that sensitivity is a flaw that needs to be fixed.
• It can damage their self-esteem, making them feel like they are not strong or capable as they are.
• It ignores the fact that sensitivity can be a strength, particularly in empathetic or emotionally nuanced situations.

And think about it this way – has anyone actually toughened up as a result of being told to? It’s like telling someone who’s angry to calm down, it rarely works. 

Alternative: A better approach could be, “Your sensitivity brings a unique perspective; it’s okay to be who you are.”

5) “It’s not a big deal.”

Minimizing an HSP’s feelings or experiences can make them feel unimportant and ignored. 

Remember: What may seem minor to you can be overwhelming for them.

Here’s an example:

If an HSP coworker mentions struggling with the noisy office environment, you might think it’s not a major issue and say, “It’s just noise; it’s not a big deal.”

But for an HSP, sensory issues like noise can be genuinely overwhelming and distressing. By dismissing it, you’re invalidating their experience.

Alternative: Instead, you could say, “I understand the noise bothers you. Have you considered using noise-canceling headphones, or would you like help in talking to HR about it?”

6) “Why are you so quiet?”

I had an HSP friend once who told me how annoying it was when people constantly asked her why she was so quiet. 

She was at a family gathering, and multiple relatives kept pressing her with the question, 

“Why are you so quiet?” 

For her, the question made her feel self-conscious and invalidated her natural temperament. She felt like she was being judged for simply being herself, which in turn made her less inclined to open up.

The truth is, HSPs may need time to process their thoughts and feelings before sharing them. Calling attention to their quietness can make them feel self-conscious.

Alternative: A more considerate question might be, “Is there something on your mind that you’d like to share?”

7) “You’re so dramatic.”

Here’s a scenario to consider:

Suppose an HSP you know is deeply moved by a movie and continues to discuss its emotional impact hours later. 

You might feel like it’s an overreaction and say, “It’s just a movie. You’re so dramatic.”

But the truth is, HSPs often empathize profoundly with storytelling, characters, and emotional themes. 

Labeling them as “dramatic” undermines their experience and could make them self-conscious about sharing their feelings in the future.

Alternative: Try acknowledging their emotions without judgment: “You seem really affected by this; what’s going on?”

8) “You’ll never succeed if you’re so sensitive.”

Sensitivity can actually be a powerful asset in many careers and relationships. I’ve often thought the best managers have been those who can relate to their team and show empathy. 

However many people still see sensitivity as a weakness. What they don’t realize, though, is that when they use a phrase like this…

• It implies that sensitivity is a barrier to success, which is not true.
• It can lower their self-esteem and contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
• It disregards the unique strengths and perspectives that sensitivity can bring to various life scenarios.

Alternative: Encourage their strengths by saying, “Your sensitivity allows you to understand things that others might not. It’s a unique strength.”

9) “You’re just looking for attention.”

Telling a Highly Sensitive Person “You’re just looking for attention” can be damaging. 

This statement undermines the legitimacy of their feelings and implies that their emotional responses are a form of manipulation. 

It can discourage them from sharing their experiences in the future and may negatively impact their self-esteem. 

Overall, the phrase dismisses the intrinsic qualities that make an HSP who they are.

Alternative: Instead, offer support: “I see that you’re struggling. How can I help?”

10) “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings; you’re just too easy to offend.”

Why is this harmful to say? 

Well, this shifts the blame onto the HSP and avoids taking responsibility for your actions or words. 

I’d go as far as to say it’s gaslighting them: 

It can harm the individual’s self-esteem and make them question their own emotional reactions.

Alternative: A more responsible way to handle this could be, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and I apologize if I have. Let’s talk about it.”

Final thoughts

So there you have it. 

Talking to a Highly Sensitive Person doesn’t have to feel like walking on eggshells. It’s really about understanding that some words can hit harder for them than for others. 

By knowing what phrases to steer clear of, you’re already making strides in being a more understanding and caring friend, family member, or coworker. 

Remember, it’s not just about avoiding hurtful words; it’s about promoting conversations that make everyone feel valued.