10 types of people you should avoid in life (if you want to be happy)

As someone who enjoys connecting with people and nurturing relationships, I’m a little loath to say that there are some types of people we should be avoiding. 

We are indeed wired to connect, but the reality is, there really are people who can drain your energy and get in the way of your happiness. 

Social cognitive neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman put this so well when he said, “Our social connections not only shape our experiences but also shape how we perceive the world.”

The bottomline: the people around us affect the quality of our lives. 

So, with that in mind, here are the types of people to avoid if you want to be happy: 

1) The negative Nancy

I’ll start with one of the most toxic people you could encounter – the pessimist. 

Negative Nancies are real energy-suckers because they can find a cloud for every silver lining. 

You got promoted? Oh no, that means more responsibilities. 

A friend gave you a nice gift? Hmm…what could they want in return? 

After a while, their never-ending doom and gloom can start to affect your own mental state. 

You may begin second-guessing good things that happen. You might even become hesitant to share positive news, fearing it’ll be turned into a negative.

I lived with a Negative Nancy once, and that’s exactly what I eventually found myself doing. 

It’s hard to be happy when you’re around someone who’s always raining on your parade.

2) The time vampire

Equally soul-sucking is the Time Vampire. 

These are the folks who take more than they give – they’re constantly requesting favors, advice, or simply your time, without offering much in return. 

If you aren’t mindful, they could easily overstep your boundaries, and before you know it, they’ve sucked away hours and energy that you could have invested elsewhere. 

3) The gossip 

I’m not going to lie and sound holier-than-thou here. I’m no stranger to the occasional partaking of juicy gossip. It’s tempting, and I do fall into the temptation from time to time. 

But that’s the difference – it’s occasional. 

For a real gossip, though, it’s a way of life. This person always has the latest scoop and is always more than eager to spill the tea. 

Why should you avoid them? 

Well, it’s all about trust. A person who gossips with you will likely also gossip about you. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you’ll be spared this treatment. 

Plus, if someone’s a gossip, they’re also more likely to fall into this next category as well…

4) The drama magnet

Drama queens/kings are the type who always seem to be right smack in the middle of some kind of crisis or conflict. 

I have a friend like this, and believe me, it’s exhausting. At first, I would listen, thinking I could help or at least be a shoulder to cry on. 

But guess what – people who love drama often don’t want solutions. They love the chaos, whether they realize it or not. 

As much as you might want to help, getting sucked into their whirlpool of problems can be exhausting and detract from your own happiness.

5) The perpetual victim

Who else doesn’t really want a solution to their problems? People with a victim mentality.

This kind believes the world is out to get them. Nothing is ever their fault, and they’re always the victim. 

If you suggest a solution for their problems, they’ll turn it down right away and rattle off a number of reasons why it won’t work. 

After a while, you’ll get the sense that, yeah, nothing really will work because “it’s not in their power” to make it work. 

What makes it hard to have a genuine connection with a perpetual victim is that they almost always refuse to take any responsibility for their circumstances. 

Which means, they never learn and do better next time. It’s just going to be one long moan-and-groan session after another.

6) The manipulator

Another type to be cautious of is the manipulator, who can be particularly subtle and sneaky in their approach. 

I once had a friend who, as it turned out, was a real manipulator. In the beginning, she was super friendly and seemed genuinely interested in my life. 

But as time passed, something started to feel off. She’d drop backhanded compliments like, “Wow, you’re so brave to wear that outfit. I could never pull it off!”

And when I’d make plans to hang out with other friends, she’d say something like, “Oh, that’s cool. I just thought we were going to catch up this weekend, but it’s fine. Go have fun with your ‘other’ friends.” 

It was her way of subtly guilting me and making me feel like I was betraying our friendship by spending time with other people.

Recognizing these patterns while you’re deep in the friendship or relationship is tricky. 

Because if there’s anything manipulators do well, it’s making you doubt your own perceptions. 

And that’s exactly what happened to me. I found myself constantly second-guessing my actions and wondering if I was being a bad friend, all while she continued to pull the emotional strings.

That’s not all. Manipulators have other ways of pulling the strings, such as: 

• Gaslighting and deflection
• Playing the victim 
• Giving you the silent treatment
• Flattery (and love-bombing in relationships)
• Fear mongering
• Comparing you to other people

Whatever the strategy, one thing is for sure: they do it because they want to gain the upper hand. And in some cases, control you. 

Which brings me to my next point…

7) The control freak

Some people have a tough time relinquishing control – of plans, conversations, even other people’s choices. 

While it’s natural to crave a sense of stability, control freaks take it to an unhealthy level. As a result, it’s hard to be around them. It’s suffocating and infuriating. 

That said, control freaks aren’t necessarily the same as manipulators. 

Where manipulators operate from a place of wanting to be at an advantage, control freaks merely want to have order and predictability in their lives. 

Their actions typically stem from anxiety or insecurity. But while they’re certainly not nefarious, they’re difficult to deal with just the same.

8) The one-upper

I’m pretty sure you’ve encountered a one-upper once or twice in your life. 

If so, then you know how it goes. No matter what you’ve done or experienced, they’ve got a story that leaves yours in the dust (or so they’d have you believe). 

Anything you can do, they can do it better. 

Like people with control issues, the one-upper often comes from a place of insecurity. 

Or, as psychologist Margaret Rutherford puts it in Huffpost, it could come from inner struggles like “rivalry, low self-esteem masked by bravado, an actual problem with lying or just having an awkward social presence.” 

The thing is, most one-uppers aren’t even aware they’re doing it. They don’t consciously set out to “story-top”. 

So, it’s a little tricky. On one hand, we could be a little more compassionate, seeing as how they’re unable to read a room. 

But on the other hand, it can get really tiresome. So if you’re at your wits’ end trying to have a conversation with a one-upper, best to excuse yourself before you say something unkind. 

9) The jealous Jester

In contrast to the one-upper, the Jealous Jester knows exactly what they’re doing. 

Have you ever had a friend who’d be quick to belittle your achievements with sarcastic remarks? Burst your balloon with little, subtle jabs disguised as jokes? 

This kind of behavior often stems from jealousy or insecurity. They can’t handle seeing someone else succeed or be happy, so they try to bring you down to their level.

I hate to say it, but that’s not a friend you want to keep. A truly supportive one would celebrate you, not poke at you with a mean spirit. 

If you’ve got a jealous friend in your circle, it’s okay to distance yourself from them. Even if your self-esteem is healthy and stable, the negative energy can drag you down.

10) The fair-weather friend

While we’re on the topic of friendship, let’s talk about the Fair-Weather Friend. The Good Times Buddy. 

Who then mysteriously vanishes when you’re down in the dumps. 

I’ve had one too many friends like that, and I was always incredibly disappointed to find out that I couldn’t rely on them. 

They’d be around when I invite them out for a night of drinking. But then, when I reach out to talk about a problem I have, they’re suddenly busy, distant, or both. 

What bothers me is that I’m the type who puts a lot of investment in my friendships. I’m there for both the good times and bad. 

So it’s disheartening to realize that the same level of commitment isn’t reciprocated.

Again, a true friend would be there to support you and hold you up when you need it. So, choose the company you keep wisely. 

In my experience, it’s better to have a small circle of reliable buddies than a wide one filled with fair-weather friends. It’s a more straightforward route to happiness.