If you really want to be a better person, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

Posted 16 Jul 2023, by

Lachlan Brown

Are you striving to become a better version of yourself?

Well, you’re in the right place.

We all have our fair share of toxic behaviors that can hinder personal growth and prevent us from living our best lives.

In this article, we’ll delve into eight common toxic behaviors that you should bid farewell to if you’re serious about becoming a better person.

1. Negativity: The Downward Spiral

Negativity can be a real joy-killer. It’s that nagging voice in your head that always finds something to complain about or focuses on the worst-case scenario.

It not only brings you down, but it also affects the people around you.

Think about it: Have you ever been around someone who constantly grumbles about everything? It’s exhausting, right?

Well, guess what? You might be doing the same thing without even realizing it.

To become a better person, it’s time to bid farewell to negativity.

Start by being aware of your thoughts and words.

When you catch yourself dwelling on the negatives or complaining excessively, make a conscious effort to shift your perspective.

Instead of fixating on what’s wrong, try focusing on what’s going right.

Find the silver linings in challenging situations, and approach problems with a solution-oriented mindset.

Remember, being positive doesn’t mean ignoring the difficulties of life; it means choosing to respond to them with optimism and resilience.


I’ll admit it—I used to be quite the gossip. I enjoyed being in the know and feeling a sense of superiority when sharing tidbits about others.

But as I started reflecting on my own actions, I realized the damage gossip can cause.

Not only does it harm the person being talked about, but it also erodes trust among friends and acquaintances.

To become a better person, it’s essential to say goodbye to gossip.

Instead of participating in conversations that tear others down, strive to uplift and support them.

Be the person who changes the subject when gossip surfaces and redirects the conversation to something positive or meaningful.

3. Judgment: Walk a Mile in Their Shoes

Okay, let’s get real for a moment. We all judge. It’s a natural human tendency.

We see someone, and without knowing their story or what they’ve been through, we make assumptions.

We let our biases and preconceived notions cloud our judgment.

But here’s the thing: judgment is like a double-edged sword.

When we judge others, we not only limit our understanding of who they truly are, but we also limit our own growth and compassion.

I’ll be honest with you. I used to be quite judgmental. I would see someone who looked different, dressed differently, or held different beliefs, and I would immediately jump to conclusions.

It wasn’t until I took a step back and realized how unfair and damaging this behavior was that I began to change.

To become a better person, it’s time to set aside our biases and take a moment to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

We must make a genuine effort to understand their experiences, struggles, and perspectives.

Empathy is the key here. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try putting yourself in their position. Ask yourself, “What might they be going through? How would I feel if I were in their shoes?”

This shift in mindset allows us to approach others with more compassion, acceptance, and understanding.

4. Being a Perfectionist: Embrace Imperfections

Here’s a counterintuitive idea for you: being a perfectionist may not be as great as it seems.

Wait, what? But isn’t perfectionism associated with success and high standards? Well, let’s dig deeper.

Sure, striving for excellence and setting high goals can be admirable.

But when perfectionism takes control, it can become a toxic behavior that hinders personal growth and well-being.

The truth is, perfectionism often stems from fear—fear of failure, judgment, or not being “good enough.”

I used to be a hardcore perfectionist, constantly striving for flawlessness in everything I did.

The problem was, it was never enough. I would set unrealistic expectations for myself and beat myself up over the tiniest mistakes. It was a never-ending cycle of stress and self-criticism.

But here’s the counterintuitive part: embracing imperfections can actually lead to personal growth and a healthier mindset.

When we let go of the need to be perfect, we allow ourselves to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow as individuals.

Embracing imperfections means accepting that we are human and that making mistakes is a natural part of life.

It means understanding that failure is not a reflection of our worth but an opportunity to learn and improve.

By giving ourselves permission to be imperfect, we free ourselves from the suffocating pressure of perfectionism.

5. Holding Grudges: Release the Weight of Resentment

Let’s talk about holding grudges.

We’ve all been hurt or wronged at some point in our lives, and it’s natural to feel angry or betrayed.

But here’s the counterintuitive truth: holding onto grudges only hurts us more than it hurts the other person.

I’ll be honest, I used to be a pro at holding grudges. I would cling to past hurts, replaying the scenarios in my mind, and nurturing feelings of anger and resentment.

But guess what? The only person suffering was me. It was like carrying around a heavy backpack of negativity wherever I went.

So, here’s the paradox: by forgiving and letting go, we free ourselves from the burden of resentment.

I know, it’s easier said than done, but it’s a vital step towards personal growth and inner peace.

Holding onto grudges keeps us stuck in the past, preventing us from fully embracing the present and moving forward.

It drains our energy, strains our relationships, and holds us back from experiencing joy and genuine connections.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the hurtful actions; it means choosing to release the negative emotions tied to the experience.

6. Comparison: Embrace Your Unique Journey

Let’s talk about the comparison game. In this age of social media, it’s incredibly easy to get caught up in comparing our lives to others’.

We see their highlight reels, their accomplishments, and their seemingly perfect lifestyles, and we can’t help but feel inadequate.

I’ll be real with you. I’ve struggled with comparison for a long time.

Scrolling through social media, I would often find myself feeling envious or questioning my own worth based on what others were doing.


It took a toll on my self-esteem and happiness.

But here’s the thing: comparison is a thief of joy. When we constantly compare ourselves to others, we diminish our own accomplishments and overlook the unique journey we’re on.

Each of us is on a different path, with different strengths, challenges, and opportunities.

Embracing your own journey means acknowledging your own progress and celebrating your own victories, no matter how small they may seem.

Instead of focusing on what others have achieved, shift your focus inward.

Recognize your own growth, set meaningful goals for yourself, and measure your success based on your personal aspirations, not someone else’s standards.

Remember, social media often showcases only the highlights and edited versions of people’s lives.

It’s not a true representation of reality. Everyone faces their own struggles and insecurities behind the scenes.

7. Self-Criticism: Cultivate Self-Compassion

Let’s talk about self-criticism—the relentless inner voice that picks apart our flaws and shortcomings.

It’s that nagging voice that tells us we’re not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough.

But here’s the truth: self-criticism is not a path to personal growth; it’s a roadblock.

I’ll share a personal experience with you. For the longest time, I was my own worst critic.

I would berate myself for every mistake, magnify my imperfections, and constantly compare myself to an unrealistic standard of perfection. It was a never-ending cycle of self-sabotage.

But then I realized something powerful: self-compassion is the antidote to self-criticism.

It’s about treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, just as we would a dear friend.

Instead of berating ourselves for our mistakes, we need to acknowledge that we’re only human.

We all make errors, experience setbacks, and have areas for improvement.

Embrace these moments as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than reasons for self-condemnation.

Cultivating self-compassion starts with challenging our negative self-talk.

When that critical voice arises, pause and ask yourself, “Would I say these things to a friend going through the same situation?” Likely, the answer is no. So, why treat yourself any differently?

Practice self-care and self-nurturing activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

Surround yourself with positive influences and supportive people who uplift and encourage you.

Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, and acknowledge your efforts along the way.

Remember, self-compassion doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or settling for mediocrity.

It means being kind to yourself as you navigate life’s challenges and setbacks, understanding that you are worthy of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

8. Holding onto the Past: Embrace the Power of Letting Go

Let’s have a raw and honest conversation about holding onto the past.

We’ve all experienced moments of heartbreak, betrayal, or disappointment that leave a lasting impact.

It’s tempting to cling onto those hurts, replaying them over and over in our minds, and allowing them to define our present and future.

I’ll bare my soul here. I held onto past pain for far too long. I carried the weight of past relationships, past mistakes, and past failures like a heavy burden on my shoulders.

It consumed my thoughts, hindered my progress, and prevented me from embracing the beauty of the present.

But here’s the raw truth: holding onto the past keeps us stuck. It traps us in a cycle of pain, bitterness, and regret, robbing us of the opportunity to grow and thrive.

It’s like living with one foot in the past and one foot in the present—a recipe for discontent and stagnation.

To become a better person, we must embrace the power of letting go. It’s not about erasing the past or denying our experiences; it’s about making peace with them and allowing ourselves to move forward.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the pain. It means acknowledging the emotions, the lessons learned, and the growth that has come from those experiences.

It means forgiving ourselves and others, not for their sake, but for our own liberation.

It’s a journey that requires courage and vulnerability. It may involve seeking support from loved ones, therapy, or other healing practices.

It’s about confronting the pain head-on, accepting it, and then consciously choosing to release its grip on our lives.

By letting go of the past, we create space for new beginnings, fresh perspectives, and endless possibilities.

We open ourselves up to the beauty of the present moment and pave the way for a brighter future.

So, my friend, it’s time to shed the shackles of the past. Embrace the rawness of your emotions, but don’t let them define you.

Free yourself from the weight of what no longer serves you and step into the power of letting go.

As you do, you’ll discover a newfound sense of freedom, peace, and the limitless potential that lies within you.

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