9 warning signs you’re in a relationship that’s completely one-sided

Having ups and downs is common in any relationship. It’s perfectly okay for one partner to have their off days, leaving the other one to pick up the slack. 

What’s not okay, though, is if those off days stretch on and on until the relationship becomes the picture of imbalance. 

In short, it becomes one-sided. 

For the partner who puts in all the effort, it’s pretty demoralizing. And exhausting. 

It’s pretty much like paddling a boat on your own while your teammate simply sits on their fanny and takes in the view – you don’t seem to get anywhere, and you just get tired in the process. 

Is that how you’re feeling about your relationship right now? If you’re looking for some confirmation, here are 9 warning signs that you’re in a completely one-sided relationship:

1) You’re always the one reaching out

I’ve been in a one-sided relationship once myself, and one of the first things that told me he wasn’t as into me as I was into him was this – I was always the one initiating communication. 

I’d text him first, call him first, and even in face-to-face chats, I’d be the one who felt compelled to keep the conversation moving. 

Him? Well, he seemed to be okay with that arrangement. I don’t think I remember a single instance past our getting-to-know-you stage when he was the first one to text. 

I even tried waiting it out once, and it reached a week before I eventually gave in and broke the silence. 

And you know what’s even worse? Once he replied, he was confused as to why I was upset that he hadn’t reached out. 

I guess I should’ve known right then just how big a red flag this was, but that’s the thing about having stars in your eyes – they make you blind. 

So, if this scenario sounds familiar to you, then I hate to say it, but you might be in a one-sided relationship. 

In a healthy relationship, communication is always a two-person effort. You shouldn’t have to wonder what’s going on with them, nor is it your sole responsibility to fill in all the dead air. 

2) They don’t seem very interested in your life

Actually, this is something I should’ve concluded from the lack of communication above. 

See, someone who’s truly invested in you and the health of your relationship would always want to know what’s going on. 

They won’t just nod or have a forced smile plastered on their face as you share about that job interview you aced or that fun catch-up you’ve had with old friends. 

They certainly won’t let days pass by without knowing what’s up with you!

The thing is, with that lack of interest, it’s hard to see how the relationship will last. How will they give you the support you deserve if they’re not even interested in your life, right? 

3) Your partner’s world doesn’t include you

Another sign that they’re not as invested in your relationship as you are is if you aren’t exactly part of their world. 

I’m talking about you not being included in activities with their circle, whether it’s their friends or family. 

Of course, we should give our partners their own space; that’s only healthy and they do have a right to that. 

But it’s a little strange when you’re always left out. When you don’t even know they’re going on a camping trip with their friends this weekend. Or you don’t even know that they’ve been promoted at work. 

Yes, those things do happen. I know people who had to find out about their partner’s goings-on from a third party, or way later, after the fact. 

Basically, the message that sends is that you’re not important enough to be kept in the loop. 

4) You feel insecure about the relationship’s future

Naturally, when your partner isn’t making much of an effort, it doesn’t make you feel very secure about where the relationship is headed, does it? 

You might feel like you’re the only one thinking about where things are headed. 

Meanwhile, they’re just coasting along, and if you initiate a “future talk”, they’re kind of meh or dismissive about it. 

5) You always make excuses for them

So, because your partner always seems to be having an off day, then you’re probably also always making excuses for them. 

I’ve done this myself as well. When my ex was a no-show to come to my cousin’s wedding with me, I said, “It’s really crazy for him at work right now.” 

And when he did show up to my family events and sit there looking bored, I’d say, “He’s just under a lot of stress at work…” 

It got to a point where my family called him “the work guy”. Which wasn’t easy for me to hear, as it was also kind of a dig at me for constantly making excuses for him. 

I guess I knew in my heart that it was a one-sided relationship, I just couldn’t bring myself to give up on it yet. 

I hope that if you’re in the same predicament, you could find the courage to accept things for what they are and not gloss over them like I did. 

6) They don’t put any effort in fixing conflicts or issues

Similarly, if you’re always the one trying to smooth things over when there’s an issue, you just might be in a one-sided relationship. 

It’s pretty telling when your partner sees conflicts or issues as stuff to ignore. 

Even if you’ve told him a hundred times how you wish he’d communicate more, he still doesn’t. 

Even if you’ve asked him to explain why he broke a promise he’d made, he’d just shrug and move on to a different topic. 

There’s really no point denying it if conflict resolution looks like a one-person show in your relationship. It’s a glaring sign that you’re a solo paddler, which, like I said, won’t get you anywhere. 

Given enough unresolved conflicts, your relationship will stall. Game over. 

Unless you’re willing to paddle on your own over and over. Which, I might add, you definitely don’t deserve.

7) Your partner is reluctant to compromise

This is closely connected to my previous point. If there’s anything we know about relationships, it’s that it thrives on give-and-take. 

If there’s a conflict somewhere and your partner’s idea of compromise is more like “my way or the highway,” that’s a clear sign that the relationship is always going to be in their favor. 

According to VeryWellMind, compromise hinges on both partners working together to arrive at a shared definition of happiness. 

It’s really not a competition about who wins; when your relationship wins, you both win. It’s a team sport, simple as that. 

Unfortunately, not being able to reach a middle ground also means that…

8) Your needs are always on the backburner

You feel like a night out on the town, but they want to stay home. And so you stay home. 

You take care of them when they’re sick, but when you’re the one who needs taking care of, they can’t be bothered. 

The thing is, once it’s established that you’re the giving one, it can only escalate from there. The small compromises become bigger and bigger until the balance is completely out of whack. 

That’s the problem with one-sided relationships – they start out small until a pattern of constant one-sidedness develops.

While it’s only right to do what you can to make your partner happy, there must always be balance. You have every right to receive the same level of care and attention from your partner. 

Otherwise, you could simply slide into this final sign….

9) You feel lonely even when you’re together

This, for me, is one of the most undeniable signs that you’re in a one-sided relationship. 

You know why? Because you don’t get lonely overnight. Loneliness comes when you’ve lost the emotional connection. When you’ve gone on for too long feeling completely ignored and disregarded. 

This is actually the sign that finally pushed me to end my own one-sided relationship. 

When it got to that point when I’d feel lonely even when we were together, I had to ask myself, “Why am I even staying with this person?”

I hope you ask yourself that, too. 

And if you’ve done everything you can to communicate and try to make it work, but things still haven’t changed, think about this:

What’s the point of being in a relationship if you feel this way? If you’re going to be lonely, you might as well be single, right? 

At least then, you’d still get the chance to meet someone who will actually make you feel valued.

Final thoughts

I know it’s tough to come face-to-face with the harsh truth that you’re in a one-sided relationship. No one wants to confirm that they’re indeed not a priority in their SO’s life. 

But let’s put it this way – if there was going to be a traffic jam on your way to work, wouldn’t you want to be warned? That way, you could take a different route.  

In the case of relationships, you could stay and try to work it out. Sometimes, it could really be just a matter of poor communication styles or different attachment styles. 

If, in the end, it still doesn’t work out, then feel free to walk away. Somewhere out there is a person willing to go the extra mile for you. Don’t keep them waiting.