11 warning signs you’re in a relationship with a selfish person

A healthy relationship requires two people who aren’t selfish when it comes to each other. 

It’s about the give and take of mutual respect, empathy, and genuinely caring about each other’s feelings.

And no, it’s not about self-sacrifice, but rather, a healthy balance of caring for yourself – just not to the detriment of your partner. You keep their well-being in mind with your actions. 

Sometimes, when one partner consistently prioritizes their own desires over the well-being of the relationship or their partner, it can be a sign of selfishness.

What are the warning signs you’re with a selfish person?

Let’s explore the 11 warning signs that can help you identify if you’re in a relationship with a selfish person:

1) They are indifferent toward your feelings

Being unempathetic or dismissing your feelings or needs comes first in the list of warning signs because empathy is the foundation of a relationship. 

No one wants to be in a relationship where they constantly have their emotions and needs minimized or ignored. 

Usually, indifference to your feelings comes from selfishness. Probably, they prioritize their own feelings or desires over the needs you express. 

Instead of finding a healthy compromise or acknowledging your feelings, a selfish person will make it seem like how you feel isn’t a big deal. 

Now, make a note that this lack of empathy can make you feel unheard and unimportant in the relationship. 

If you feel unheard, your partner is probably lacking empathy towards you!

2) They’re unwilling to compromise

In a relationship, there will be times when you don’t agree on the best decision.  After all, you’re two different people who have different lived experiences. 

But when this happens, compromise should be made by both parties. Or, maybe you take turns compromising on different matters and strike a balance that way.

A selfish person, however, may be resistant to compromise or only willing to do so when it aligns with their own interests. 

So does your partner always insist on getting their way? If so, that’s a sign of selfishness.

3) They’re not supportive of your goals and aspirations

Do you feel like your partner is disinterested in your goals?

Do their eyes glaze over when you’re sharing your dreams and aspirations from the bottom of your heart? 

If this is happening to you, it can be a sign of selfishness. 

A supportive partner should encourage you, no matter how big your dreams are! They should also celebrate your successes and be there to support you in times of need.

If you’re not getting that from them, you should question whether you’re in a relationship with a selfish person.

4) They don’t really show gratitude for you

A selfish person tends to feel entitled to all the good things provided to them. That includes little things, like the dinner you made them, or doing their laundry. 

In a healthy relationship, both parties will find a balance in giving and taking – but when you’re with a selfish person, they’ll expect you to do all these things for them, often without as much as a ‘thanks’. 

It’s because they just expect you to be there for them no matter what, regardless of how they treat you.

But more than just not saying thank you, a selfish person will tend to avoid communication in general:

5) They don’t communicate openly with you

A selfish partner often fails to engage in open and honest communication. 

They might be reluctant to discuss relationship issues or actively avoid conversations that require compromise or self-reflection… on their part! 

Effective communication is vital in a healthy relationship, and a selfish person’s unwillingness to engage in it can be a major red flag.

6) They don’t take accountability for their actions

Similarly, selfish individuals often struggle to admit their faults and take responsibility for their actions.  Even if they’re in the wrong, they’re masters at deflecting blame onto you or something else. 

They’ll point their finger at anything except owning up to where they went wrong!

This mentality of always being ‘right’ and everyone else being ‘wrong’ is a selfish trait indeed.

7) They use manipulation 

Pay close attention: manipulation can be tricky to spot in a relationship. 

When you love the person, you want to believe their intentions are good. And sometimes, they probably are.

But manipulation can be done both consciously and unconsciously. 

You see, some people pick up the habit of manipulation in life, or through a parent, or their upbringing and don’t realize they’re doing it. 

That doesn’t make it excusable though.

Because a relationship requires so much trust and emotional closeness,  a manipulative person can easily affect your perception in order to get something they want. 

So if you notice that they’re often contradicting you, or making you feel crazy or dumb, they’re probably manipulating you. 

What do they get out of this, you ask?

Sometimes, it’s just about the power and domination over you. 

Tactics can include guilt-tripping, playing the victim, or using emotional manipulation to get their way. 

It’s crucial to recognize manipulation when identifying selfish behavior.

8) They don’t make time for you/ your relationship

Listen, I’m not saying a healthy relationship is putting each other first at all costs.

Nor is it being attached at the hip, 24/7. 

Partners need to have their own thing going on too, so that they can bring excitement, new lessons, or insights into the relationship. 

But when a person consistently prioritizes their personal interests, hobbies, and friendships over spending quality time with you, resolving issues,  or nurturing the relationship… note it as a red flag. 

A balanced relationship should involve both partners making an effort to spend time together – not just have the other there for when it’s convenient or needed. 

9) They often overstep your boundaries

Selfish individuals may disregard your boundaries.

What do I mean by boundaries? 

It could be wanting personal space, privacy, or emotional boundaries that you’ve communicated with them before. 

They may overstep your limits without considering your comfort. Heck, they might not even care what makes you comfortable or not. 

They just do what they want to, when they want to, even if it oversteps your boundaries.  

This behavior can lead to feelings of disrespect… Justifiably, if you ask me!

10) They cause emotional exhaustion

Being in a relationship with a selfish person is very emotionally draining. 

You’re constantly feeling like your needs are ignored or invalidated, which  can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. 

You’re also probably constantly trying to defend yourself, your needs, or just bottling them up because you know that they won’t be heard. 

If you relate to feeling more emotionally exhausted with this person than when you were single, they’re only adding more stress and suffering to your life. 

It’s essential to recognize when your emotional well-being is suffering due to your partner’s selfishness.

11) They treat you unkindly in front of others

A truly selfish person will often want to make themselves look good, even if it means putting others down. 

And their own partner isn’t exempt from that!

Take note if your partner constantly makes jokes at your expense, or says things that make you look bad in front of others. 

Maybe it’s as subtle as ignoring something you said while you’re talking in a group. Even worse, they treat you differently behind closed doors to when you’re in public. 

This is a sure sign of someone who isn’t thinking about your feelings at that moment – they’re just thinking of their own ego. 

Final thoughts

So there you have it. 

Being with a selfish person comes with many indicators. If you’re unsure of any of these signs, think about whether you constantly feel pushed aside by your partner. 

If the answer is yes, then the answer is also yes: you’re with a selfish person. 

Recognizing the warning signs of a selfish partner is the first step towards addressing the issue and deciding how to proceed in the relationship. 

Even though rarely, people can change, it’s important to remember that it’s not your responsibility to try to change their behavior either. 

Open and honest communication might help, but if it doesn’t get better and their selfishness is causing harm to the relationship – it might be time to pull away or cut the cord.

The bottom line is, you deserve a relationship where you’re receiving the consideration, empathy, and effort that you’re putting in!