If you’ve reached these 7 milestones as a couple, you’ll likely be together forever, according to psychology

Every couple dreams of finding that sweet spot—the kind of bond that feels unshakable no matter what life throws at you.

But what actually predicts lasting love?

From my years of counseling couples, I’ve learned it’s not about grand romantic gestures or perfectly matched personalities.

It’s about a set of milestones—quiet but powerful turning points—that signal you’ve built something real.

These milestones don’t arrive all at once, and they don’t always feel glamorous when they do.

In fact, many of them come wrapped in challenges, tough conversations, and a whole lot of learning. But once you’ve hit them, your relationship tends to have a sturdiness that’s hard to shake.

If you and your partner have reached these seven milestones, there’s a good chance you’re in it for the long haul.

1. You’ve navigated your first major conflict without breaking apart

Every couple fights. The difference between a short-lived romance and a long-term partnership is how you fight.

John Gottman, one of the most well-known relationship researchers, famously found he could predict with over 90% accuracy whether a couple would stay together based on observing their conflict style.

The biggest red flags? Contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and criticism. The couples who made it avoided those patterns and focused on repair.

I remember one couple I worked with who had been dating for only eight months when they faced a huge disagreement over moving in together.

Emotions ran high. One wanted to wait, the other saw it as a natural next step. Instead of escalating into insults or ultimatums, they pressed pause.

They took a weekend apart, cooled off, and came back ready to listen instead of just argue their own point. That weekend not only resolved the disagreement—it gave them a framework for every future conflict.

If you’ve weathered a serious disagreement and come out stronger, you’ve got a foundation built on emotional maturity—not just infatuation.

2. You’ve seen each other at your worst

It’s easy to love someone when they’re at their best—smiling, dressed up, and in a good mood. The real test is what happens when life strips away the polish.

Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.”

When you’ve let your partner see you during moments of grief, stress, or insecurity—and they’ve stayed—you’ve reached a deeper kind of intimacy.

One of my clients went through a job loss just six months into a relationship. He admitted he was terrified his girlfriend would see him differently without his career identity.

But instead of pulling away, she showed up with practical support and emotional reassurance. That experience became a touchstone for their bond—they knew they could face uncertainty together.

Maybe they’ve held your hand through a family crisis. Maybe you’ve seen them wrestle with a health scare or personal setback.

If those moments didn’t scare you off but instead deepened your connection, you’ve already crossed one of the hardest bridges couples face.

3. You’ve built a shared vision for the future

This isn’t about having identical goals, but rather a sense of alignment.

Do you want the same general lifestyle? Do you agree on the big things—like whether you want kids, where you want to live, and how you see your finances?

Research shows why this matters: couples with unified long-term goals report greater satisfaction, while conflicting goals tend to erode connection over time.

A comprehensive meta-analysis highlighted that partners aligned in aspirations experience significantly higher relationship satisfaction, whereas goal incongruence is closely linked to lower satisfaction and increased instability.

I’ve seen couples deeply in love who ultimately parted ways because their visions diverged too far—one wanted to live abroad indefinitely, the other couldn’t imagine leaving their hometown.

On the flip side, when couples sit down and talk about their “big picture,” they not only prevent future resentment—they create excitement for what’s ahead.

If you can picture the same general future and feel good about building it together, you’re not just dating—you’re co-architects of a life.

4. You’ve supported each other’s growth

One of the most beautiful milestones in a relationship is when you stop seeing your partner only for who they are now, and start cheering for who they’re becoming.

Tony Robbins puts it this way: “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” In relationships, growth isn’t just personal—it’s shared.

Couples who last a lifetime encourage each other’s passions, even when those passions don’t directly involve the other person.

I’ve seen this in couples where one partner decides to go back to school in their 40s, or train for a marathon, or start a side business.

The other partner doesn’t resent the time or energy it takes—they become their biggest cheerleader.

This kind of support sends a powerful message: I love you as you are, but I also believe in who you’re becoming. That belief creates space for each partner to evolve without fear of outgrowing the relationship.

5. You’ve created traditions that are yours alone

Traditions are the glue of long-term relationships. They don’t have to be elaborate—sometimes it’s as small as making pancakes every Sunday or going for a walk together on your anniversary.

These rituals become your couple “fingerprint”—something uniquely yours. 

Research from the University of Illinois shows that shared rituals help couples bond and even serve as indicators of a relationship’s trajectory, amplifying experiences and deepening connection.

In my own marriage, my husband and I have a tradition of rewatching the same cheesy holiday movie every December. We know the lines by heart, but the comfort of it—the predictability—feels grounding.

Couples with traditions tend to have a stronger sense of “us.” These moments, repeated over years, create a shared narrative that makes you feel like you’re on the same team, no matter what life throws your way.

6. You’ve learned to repair after a rupture

Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list. Anyway…

Even in the healthiest relationships, there will be ruptures—misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or disagreements that go deeper than you expected. What matters most is your ability to repair.

The Gottman Institute calls this “the repair,” often referred to as the “secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples.”

In Gottman’s research, consistently successful repair attempts—any small word or action that halts negativity—are a critical predictor of whether a relationship thrives or deteriorates.

Repair means more than just saying sorry—it’s about acknowledging the hurt, listening fully, and taking steps to rebuild trust.

One couple I counseled had a recurring argument about money. It wasn’t the argument itself that strained their bond—it was the lack of repair afterward.

Once they learned to circle back, own their part, and agree on a way forward, the fights became less charged and far less frequent.

If you’ve learned to come back together after a rupture, you’re practicing one of the most essential skills in lasting love.

7. You’ve chosen each other—more than once

At the end of the day, love is a feeling, but commitment is a choice.

Michelle Obama has said about her marriage to Barack, “You have to choose each other every day.”

That choice matters most during the days when it’s not easy—when you’re stressed, when you disagree, or when the spark feels dimmer than usual.

Long-term couples often reach crossroads where leaving might feel simpler than working through the challenge. If you’ve faced those moments and decided to stay, grow, and recommit, you’ve built resilience into your love.

This doesn’t mean staying through harm or neglect—healthy relationships require boundaries.

But when two people consciously choose to keep showing up for each other, even through discomfort, the bond becomes harder to break.

Final thoughts

Every couple’s journey is unique, but if you’ve reached these milestones, you’ve done more than fall in love—you’ve built a partnership that can stand the test of time.

It’s not about avoiding hardship or agreeing on everything. It’s about how you show up for each other through life’s highs and lows, and the commitment to keep choosing each other along the way.

Relationships don’t just survive by accident—they last because two people nurture them, day after day.

And if you’re reading this thinking, We’ve still got some of these milestones to reach, don’t see that as a warning sign. See it as an opportunity.

Because forever isn’t something you stumble into—it’s something you create, step by step, moment by moment, together.