8 subtle signs someone has a low opinion of you, according to psychology

It’s not always the folks who openly criticize you that are the problem.

Sometimes, it’s the quiet ones—the ones who smile politely but leave you feeling oddly small.

I’ve learned over the years (both in my working days and well into retirement) that a person’s opinion of you isn’t always spoken out loud. It leaks out in their tone, their body language, the way they choose (or choose not) to include you.

Psychology has a lot to say about this, and when you know what to look for, you can save yourself a lot of confusion—and maybe a bit of heartache.

1. They give you minimal emotional response

Have you ever shared good news and been met with a flat “That’s nice” or a half-hearted smile?

Psychologists refer to this mismatch as low emotional reciprocity—when someone fails to match the enthusiasm or energy you bring to the conversation.

In contrast, research in positive psychology defines an active-constructive response—one that clearly communicates enthusiasm, recognizes the sharer’s efforts, and joins in the joy—as the gold standard.

These responses boost emotional well‑being and trust in a relationship, whereas lukewarm reactions can dampen connection.

It’s not that people have to throw confetti every time you speak, but when they consistently show no warmth or interest, it’s a subtle signal they don’t see you as worth investing in emotionally.

I remember a former colleague who did this constantly. If I mentioned something positive, I’d get a nod and silence. If someone else spoke, suddenly they were all ears.

The point is, people make time for—and show excitement toward—those they value. When that’s missing, take note.

2. They “forget” you in group settings

This one’s sneaky. Maybe you’re in a meeting, and someone assigns roles without ever considering you. Or you’re in a social setting, and they make plans right in front of you but don’t extend the invite.

In psychology, these are called social exclusion cues—microbehaviors that signal you’re not seen as part of the group. Even small actions like being routinely overlooked or ignored can chip away at belonging and trust.

Research shows that even brief experiences of exclusion can have measurable negative effects on well-being, including impairing mood, cognitive function, and emotional regulation.

I had a neighbor who would organize casual get-togethers and talk about them loudly on our street… but my wife and I were never on the list. It wasn’t about the event—it was about the message: you’re not one of us.

3. They subtly undermine your contributions

It’s not outright sabotage. It’s more like little pinpricks: interrupting your ideas, crediting someone else for something you said, or following up your point with “Well, actually…” every single time.

According to workplace relationship studies, this kind of social undermining often reflects low regard—stemming from jealousy, competition, or simply a lack of respect.

These microbehaviors—like dismissing your input or ignoring your contributions—not only erode your reputation but can actively hinder your ability to succeed within the team.

I once worked with a manager who would “translate” my ideas in meetings, making them sound like his own. At the time, I thought maybe it was accidental.

Later, I realized it was a pattern. People who respect you don’t need to shrink you to make themselves look taller.

4. They withhold basic courtesy

Ever notice how some people greet everyone in the room… except you? Or they respond to others’ emails promptly but “somehow” miss yours every time?

Those little breaches of courtesy might not seem like much, but they stack up.

Politeness isn’t just etiquette—it’s acknowledgment.

Social psychologists explain that being consistently overlooked or excluded, even subtly, triggers feelings of social rejection or ostracism. This kind of invisible exclusion can undermine your sense of value and connection.

I’m not saying everyone owes you constant attention. But when it’s a consistent pattern from one specific person, it’s telling.

5. They assume the worst about your motives

Let’s say you offer to help a coworker and they respond with suspicion, as though you must have some hidden agenda. Or you make a harmless joke and they twist it into something negative.

People who value and respect you tend to give you the benefit of the doubt. People who don’t… well, they’re quick to believe the worst.

This reminds me of a line I read in Rudá Iandê’s book Laughing in the Face of Chaos.

He writes, “Being human means inevitably disappointing and hurting others, and the sooner you accept this reality, the easier it becomes to navigate life’s challenges.”

When someone has already decided they don’t think much of you, they’ll frame your actions through that lens—every time.

That book inspired me to stop over-explaining myself to people who were determined to misunderstand me anyway.

6. They never ask about your life

Conversations with them are one-way streets. You listen, you ask questions, you show interest… but they never turn it back to you.

Psychology calls this low relational investment—when someone shows minimal interest in who you are beyond the role you play in their life. It may not be malicious, but it’s definitely exhausting.

Research highlights that reciprocal effort and emotional investment are essential for sustaining trust and connection; when curiosity and attention aren’t shared, relationships lose their emotional equilibrium.

Back when my kids were young, there was another dad at school drop-off I’d chat with daily. I knew his entire career history, his vacation plans, even his childhood stories.

But after months of conversation, it hit me—he had no idea what I even did for a living. He’d never once asked.

That’s when I stopped putting so much effort into the exchange. Mutual respect requires mutual interest.

7. They rarely (if ever) acknowledge your strengths

If you’ve ever been around someone who never compliments you—not your work, your ideas, or even your small wins—you know how demoralizing it feels.

This isn’t about fishing for praise. It’s about whether they see (and value) your contributions.

Research shows that even a simple “thank you” from a manager once a week is linked to a 50% reduction in burnout and turnover. Positive feedback isn’t just nice—it’s foundational for connection, confidence, and momentum.

I’ve mentioned this before in another post about healthy relationships: if someone only focuses on your mistakes but never your progress, they’re not building you up—they’re quietly telling you that you’re not worth building at all.

8. They keep you at arm’s length emotionally

Finally, there’s the subtle but unmistakable distance. They’ll interact when necessary, but they don’t share anything personal, vulnerable, or real.

Sure, some people are just naturally private—but when this is paired with the other signs here, it can point to a lack of trust or respect.

They might see you as someone to work with or nod to in passing, but not someone worth real connection.

And here’s where I’ll admit—I’m no know-it-all, but I’ve learned this the hard way: you can’t force closeness with someone who’s already decided to keep you out.

Your energy is better spent with the people who open the door willingly.

Final thoughts

The hardest part of spotting these signs is accepting what they mean. It’s easy to make excuses for people—They’re just busy. They’re having a bad day. But when the pattern is there, it’s worth facing the truth.

At the end of the day, you can’t control someone’s opinion of you. But you can control how much access you give them to your time, energy, and self-worth.

And maybe the most freeing part? Realizing that you don’t need everyone to hold you in high regard to live a full, happy life.

So here’s my question to you: who in your life makes you feel valued—and who, if you’re honest, doesn’t?

Because once you answer that, the path forward gets a lot clearer.