The worst relationship of your life will be with someone who displays these 7 traits, according to psychology

We all have dealbreakers in relationships—at least in theory.

But the truth? Many of us don’t recognize the red flags until we’re already tangled up in the mess.

I’ve seen it countless times in my counseling practice. People find themselves with a partner who makes them feel drained, insecure, and confused, yet they keep hoping things will change.

The trouble is, these behaviors aren’t just quirks—they’re patterns. And if you ignore them, you might just find yourself in the worst relationship of your life.

These traits don’t just cause trouble in love. They can erode your self-esteem, mess with your mental health, and even change how you see relationships forever.

Psychology has a lot to say about why these patterns are so damaging—and once you see them clearly, you can protect yourself from them.

Let’s go through the big ones psychology warns us about.

1. They lack empathy

Have you ever tried to share something deeply personal, only to be met with indifference—or worse, annoyance?

That’s a glaring sign of low empathy.

Empathy is the glue that holds healthy relationships together. Without it, misunderstandings multiply, conflicts escalate, and emotional needs go unmet.

As Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, notes, “Empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work.” I’d argue it’s even more essential in love.

Partners who lack empathy will struggle to validate your feelings or see things from your perspective.

Instead of trying to understand what you’re going through, they might dismiss it with, “You’re overreacting,” or try to turn the conversation back to themselves.

When this happens repeatedly, you may start to doubt your own emotions or feel guilty for even having them. Over time, this can make you feel invisible in your own relationship.

A dyadic empathy study—one that included 187 heterosexual couples—found that each partner’s empathy (i.e., their ability to understand and emotionally support each other) was directly related to higher relationship satisfaction, both for themselves and their partner.

That suggests empathy isn’t just nice—it’s foundational for feeling seen and fulfilled in love.

That’s not surprising—when someone truly sees you, you feel safer and more connected. Without it, intimacy breaks down.

2. They manipulate instead of communicate

A healthy relationship relies on open and honest communication. Manipulation? That’s a fast track to mistrust.

Manipulative partners twist your words, guilt-trip you into doing what they want, or use selective information to control the narrative. And it’s not always obvious—it can be subtle.

They might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d…”or deliberately leave out details that would let you make an informed choice.

This is what psychologists call “coercive control”—using psychological tactics to maintain power. It chips away at your sense of autonomy and makes you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

I once worked with a client who had a partner that frequently used “withholding” as a tool—going silent for days whenever they were upset.

It was never about resolving the conflict; it was about keeping my client anxious and desperate to fix things. That kind of dynamic isn’t just unhealthy—it’s a form of emotional abuse.

Tony Robbins says, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” If manipulation is the default mode of interaction, the quality of your relationship will always be shaky.

3. They never take responsibility

I once had a client tell me, “In two years of dating him, I don’t think I ever heard him say ‘I was wrong.’” That’s not just bad luck—that’s a character issue.

When a partner refuses to own up to their mistakes, they’re essentially telling you that your experiences don’t matter. They rewrite events to avoid blame, making you second-guess what actually happened.

Over time, this can erode your confidence in your own memory and judgment—a phenomenon known in psychology as “gaslighting.”

As Brené Brown says, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” If your partner runs from accountability, it’s you who’ll carry the weight of their mistakes.

In healthy relationships, mistakes are acknowledged, apologies are made, and lessons are learned. In unhealthy ones, excuses pile up, and the same hurtful patterns repeat.

And here’s the kicker: if someone can’t take responsibility for the little things, you can bet they won’t step up for the big ones either.

4. They dismiss or mock your boundaries

Boundaries aren’t about building walls—they’re about creating safety. And if someone consistently ignores or mocks yours, that’s a huge problem.

Maybe you’ve said you need a night to yourself after a long week, and they guilt you into going out anyway. Or maybe you’ve asked them not to raise their voice during disagreements, but they shrug it off as “just how I talk.”

Psychology is clear: healthy boundaries are non-negotiable for emotional well-being. When those boundaries are crossed repeatedly, it’s not a misunderstanding—it’s a choice.

I’ve seen people stay in relationships where their boundaries were slowly eroded over time, to the point where they barely recognized themselves.

They stopped asking for what they needed because it seemed pointless. That’s not compromise—that’s self-abandonment.

As Sheryl Sandberg has said, “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.” If someone keeps violating your boundaries after you’ve made them clear, that’s your awareness moment.

5. They make everything a competition

Relationships should be about teamwork, not scorekeeping. But some people turn every achievement—or even every mistake—into a contest.

You got a promotion? They immediately talk about their own big win. You open up about a rough day? They counter with a story about how their day was worse. This constant one-upmanship can leave you feeling unheard and unsupported.

Steven Covey’s advice applies perfectly here: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” If your partner can’t celebrate your wins without comparing them to their own, they’re not really on your side.

This competitive mindset can sneak into conflict resolution too. Instead of working toward a solution, they focus on “winning” the argument. And in that moment, it’s not about the health of the relationship—it’s about ego.

Healthy love is collaborative. Unhealthy love turns life into a zero-sum game where your gain is their loss. That’s not partnership—it’s rivalry.

6. They thrive on instability

Looking back, this one probably deserved a higher spot on the list. Anyway…

Some people seem to create chaos wherever they go. Drama follows them—jobs, friendships, family relationships. And if they don’t have any current conflict, they’ll stir one up.

Psychologists describe this tendency as drama bonding—a pattern where emotional turbulence replaces intimacy, precisely because instability feels familiar, even comforting, to those who grew up in chaotic environments.

At first, this can feel exciting. There’s never a dull moment, and the highs are intense. But over time, it becomes exhausting. Your nervous system never gets a break, and you end up in a cycle of crisis and recovery.

A Psychology Today article points out that drama often masks a deeper identity crisis—where creating conflict becomes a way to feel significant. Peace, by contrast, can feel dangerously empty.

I’ve seen people mistake this for passion. But love that leaves you feeling constantly unsettled isn’t passion—it’s emotional whiplash.

A healthy relationship has space for calm and consistency without fear that it will suddenly implode.

7. They belittle or criticize you in subtle ways

At the end of the day, the partner who quietly chips away at your self-esteem might be the most dangerous of all.

This isn’t the obvious insult or the big blow-up fight. It’s the offhand comment about your appearance before a night out. The “joke” about how you always forget things. The constant correction of minor mistakes.

Psychology calls this microaggressions when it comes from strangers, but in intimate relationships, it’s emotional erosion.

These persistent, subtle put-downs gradually undermine your confidence. Over time, you begin to believe you’re not capable, attractive, or smart enough.

Maya Angelou famously said, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” I’d add: never stay with someone who makes you feel smaller than you are.

If you notice these subtle put-downs, don’t brush them off. Healthy partners build you up. They don’t plant seeds of self-doubt and then call it teasing.

Final thoughts

If you’ve spotted one—or several—of these traits in someone you’re dating, I hope you’ll take it seriously.

These aren’t “little quirks” or “just the way they are.” They’re patterns that research shows can erode trust, joy, and self-worth.

Breaking free from a relationship like this can be tough, especially if there’s history or deep emotional attachment involved.

That’s one of the reasons I wrote my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship—to give people practical tools to identify unhealthy patterns and reclaim their sense of self.

The truth is, the worst relationship of your life can teach you a lot—if you choose to walk away and learn from it.

The best one? That’s the one where you feel safe, respected, and seen every single day.