7 habits boomers think are polite—but younger generations find annoying

by Lachlan Brown | August 8, 2025, 2:25 pm

Every generation has its own “code” for what counts as good manners. Baby boomers (born roughly between 1946 and 1964) grew up with a set of social rules shaped by post-war culture, formal etiquette, and a slower pace of communication. Many of those habits were taught as the gold standard of politeness — the mark of someone with good upbringing.

But here’s the thing: social norms don’t stay frozen in time. The way people connect, communicate, and show respect has changed dramatically in the past few decades. What once seemed thoughtful or well-mannered to boomers can sometimes feel outdated — or even irritating — to younger generations.

Below are seven habits that many boomers still see as polite, but that Millennials, Gen Z, and even some Gen Xers often find awkward, frustrating, or just unnecessary.

1. Dropping by unannounced

Why boomers think it’s polite:
In many boomer households, the front door was a revolving invitation. Friends, neighbors, and relatives could pop in without warning — and it was considered warm, friendly, and neighborly. Spontaneity was part of community life.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
Today’s culture values personal space and digital coordination. Millennials and Gen Z are more likely to see unannounced visits as disruptive, even intrusive. With busy work schedules, remote meetings, and the prevalence of smaller living spaces, an unexpected knock can feel like an ambush rather than a pleasant surprise.

The generational gap:
What feels like hospitality to one generation can feel like a boundary violation to another. Younger people often prefer a quick text — “Mind if I drop by?” — so they can mentally prepare or politely decline without feeling cornered.

2. Insisting on phone calls for casual matters

Why boomers think it’s polite:
Boomers came of age when calling someone was the most direct way to connect. A phone call was personal, engaging, and showed you cared enough to have a real conversation instead of scribbling a quick note.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
To Millennials and Gen Z, a phone call can feel like a demand for immediate attention. Many prefer texts or emails for non-urgent matters because they can respond on their own schedule. Calls can also feel inefficient — younger people are used to condensing information into a short message instead of engaging in small talk first.

The generational gap:
For boomers, hearing a voice is the ultimate in friendliness. For younger people, it can feel like a time commitment they didn’t consent to. The result? A well-intentioned call may go straight to voicemail.

3. Commenting on someone’s appearance as a greeting

Why boomers think it’s polite:
Boomers often grew up with the idea that the quickest way to make someone feel welcome is to compliment them: “You look lovely today,” or “Have you lost weight?” It’s seen as a friendly icebreaker that shows you’ve noticed the other person.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
For Millennials and Gen Z, comments about appearance — even if positive — can feel superficial or intrusive. Many prefer compliments on achievements, personality, or shared experiences. In some cases, appearance-based remarks can unintentionally touch on sensitive topics like body image, health, or identity.

The generational gap:
Boomers see these comments as affirming; younger people often see them as outdated or misaligned with modern conversations about body positivity and personal boundaries.

4. Bringing up “taboo” small talk topics

Why boomers think it’s polite:
In boomer etiquette, certain topics — like age, marital status, or whether someone has kids — were standard conversational openers. Asking “So when are you getting married?” or “How old are you now?” was considered a way to show interest in someone’s life.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
To younger people, these questions can feel prying or judgmental. They recognize that topics like marriage, fertility, and age can be deeply personal or even painful. What was once casual conversation can now come across as tone-deaf.

The generational gap:
Boomers often see these as innocent “getting to know you” questions; younger people prefer to let those personal details emerge naturally — if at all.

5. Overemphasizing formal thank-yous

Why boomers think it’s polite:
Boomers often value hand-written thank-you notes, formal expressions of gratitude, and in-person acknowledgment. They were taught that skipping these steps is a sign of poor manners.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
Younger people still appreciate gratitude — but they’re more likely to express it in quick, casual ways, like a text or a social media message. To them, the expectation of formal follow-up can feel outdated and unnecessarily time-consuming.

The generational gap:
For boomers, a heartfelt note is a timeless gesture. For younger people, it can feel like unnecessary formality when a sincere, immediate “thank you” was already expressed.

6. Offering unsolicited advice as a sign of care

Why boomers think it’s polite:
In many boomer households, giving advice was a sign of wisdom and love. Passing down lessons — whether about careers, relationships, or fixing a leaky faucet — was seen as helping someone avoid mistakes.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
Millennials and Gen Z often see unsolicited advice as patronizing, especially if it comes without being asked. They value autonomy and may prefer to figure things out themselves — or seek guidance on their own terms.

The generational gap:
Boomers believe advice is a gift; younger people often feel it implies a lack of confidence in their judgment.

7. Lingering in public service settings to “chat”

Why boomers think it’s polite:
Boomers may strike up friendly conversations with cashiers, bank tellers, or baristas, believing it brightens the other person’s day. This habit comes from a time when transactions were slower and personal rapport was encouraged.

Why younger generations find it annoying:
For many younger people, especially those in line behind the chatter, lingering conversations can feel like a hold-up. They’re used to fast-paced, efficient interactions and may see long small-talk exchanges as inconsiderate in busy settings.

The generational gap:
Boomers view it as human connection; younger generations see it as slowing everyone down — especially in spaces where time matters.

Why this matters

Generational friction isn’t about one side being “right” or “wrong” — it’s about understanding that manners are cultural, and culture changes. A habit that was once universally praised can, over time, start to feel awkward or even frustrating as social norms evolve.

The challenge — and the opportunity — lies in recognizing when our version of “polite” no longer translates the way we think it does. That doesn’t mean throwing out tradition entirely. Instead, it’s about adapting so our good intentions actually land as kindness, not as discomfort.

Bridging the gap

If you’re a boomer who wants to connect better with younger generations, here are a few simple strategies:

  1. Ask, don’t assume. Before giving advice, asking personal questions, or dropping by, check if it’s welcome.

  2. Learn the new norms. Text before visiting, use quick messages for casual updates, and be open to digital gratitude.

  3. Focus on shared values. Everyone appreciates respect, empathy, and genuine interest — the format just changes with time.

And for younger people? A little patience goes a long way. Many boomer “polite” habits are rooted in genuine care, even if they don’t match modern expectations. Meeting in the middle — blending tradition with contemporary preferences — keeps conversations flowing and relationships strong.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.