If you heard these 10 phrases as a child, you were raised by genuinely good parents

by Lachlan Brown | October 23, 2025, 3:27 pm

When it comes to parenting, words matter—a lot. The phrases a child hears and internalises become the blueprint for how they view themselves, the world and their relationships.

If you were lucky enough to grow up hearing certain affirming, kind, and wise phrases, the chances are high that your parents were doing something deeply right. Below are ten of those phrases.

If you heard most or all of them, congratulations: you likely had genuinely good parents. If you didn’t—but you’re parenting now—consider weaving these into your own child’s life.

1. “I love you, unconditionally.”

This is perhaps the starting point of all good parenting.

When a child hears “I love you no matter what,” they internalise a fundamental truth: their worth is inherent, not conditional on performance, behaviour, or success.

That message builds confidence, emotional resilience, and comfort in vulnerability.

Parents who emphasise unconditional love allow their children to flourish, knowing they are accepted, even when they mess up.

2. “Your feelings matter and it’s okay to feel them.”

Good parents teach emotional safety. They don’t shame or dismiss pain, disappointment, anger or sadness—they give space for it.

A child who hears things like “I get it, you’re upset. Tell me about it,” or “It’s okay to cry,” learns that they are seen and heard.

Research emphasises that when children feel emotionally safe, they are more likely to share worries, seek help, and develop healthy emotional regulation.

3. “I believe in you.”

Words like “I believe you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I trust you,” are powerful. They convey faith in the child’s character and capacity.

When a parent says “I believe you’ve got this,” a child starts to believe it too. It teaches internal belief.

And when things don’t go well, the message stands: “I believe in you despite the outcome.” That kind of backing is rare—but if you had it, you were fortunate.

4. “It’s okay to make mistakes—you’ll learn from them.”

Good parents normalise imperfection. Rather than “how could you mess this up,” they say “Let’s see what we can learn from this.”

Mistakes become stepping-stones instead of shame-traps. This fosters growth mindsets.

Children raised with this phrase tend to be more willing to take risks, embrace learning, and bounce back from setbacks.

5. “Thank you. I appreciate how you handled that.”

Gratitude and acknowledgement matter. When a parent says “Thank you for helping with the dishes,” or “I appreciated you sharing your toy,” a child hears: you are useful, you are generous, you add value.

It nurtures a sense of contribution and connection rather than just duty or obligation.

Good parents don’t only give instructions—they recognise the child’s positive actions.

6. “What do you think we should do?”

Rather than dictating everything, good parents invite collaboration. They say, “What do you think is fair here?” or “How would you like to handle this?”

That phrase hands over agency. It teaches problem-solving, respect, and ownership.

If you heard that growing up, you likely felt like a real participant in the family—rather than just a recipient of rules.

7. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake too.”

When parents are human, they admit it. Hearing your parent say “I’m sorry—I should have handled that better,” teaches humility, responsibility, and repair.

It removes the artificial pedestal and brings connection.

Children don’t just witness perfection; they witness real relationships, genuine apologies, and healthy boundaries. That’s a powerful gift.

8. “I’m proud of who you are, not just what you do.”

There’s a big difference between “I’m proud you got an A,” and “I’m proud of you.” The latter emphasises character over achievement.

Good parents communicate that love and pride aren’t just tied to success or results—they’re tied to being.

If your parents said things like “I’m proud of how kind you are,” “I’m proud of the effort you made,” rather than just “I’m proud of your grade,” you had something special.

9. “I will always be here for you, no matter what.”

Stability and steadfast presence matter. Good parents say, “If you need me, I’m here.” They follow through.

That phrase builds trust and safety. Children grown in that environment know they have a base from which to explore the world—and to return. That kind of emotional security tends to support healthier relationships later in life.

10. “You are responsible—and so am I.”

Healthy families work on a mix of autonomy and accountability. A parent who says “You are responsible for cleaning your room; I’m responsible for making sure you have what you need,” is shielding the child from undue burden, while teaching ownership.

Good parents model the balance: I trust you to do your part, I’ll support you doing yours. If you heard that, you learned to carry your responsibilities without being weighed down by them.

Why these phrases matter

These phrases reflect a parenting style grounded in respect, empathy and connection, rather than fear, shame or rigid control. They align with concepts like the “good-enough parent,” or parenting approaches that emphasise emotional safety and growth rather than perfection. Psychological research shows that when children grow up feeling loved, trusted, respected and heard, they are more likely to develop stronger self-worth, healthier emotional regulation, better relationship skills, and resilience.

In contrast, many traditional parenting phrases—“Because I said so,” “Stop crying,” “Children should be seen and not heard”—have been shown to shut down communication, create shame or teach compliance rather than connection.

Essentially, the way a parent speaks to a child becomes the inner voice that child carries into adulthood.

What it means if you heard them

If you heard most or all of these ten phrases, you were likely raised by parents who:

  • Loved you deeply and made it known.

  • Gave you emotional safety to express yourself.

  • Encouraged you, believed in you, and let you know you’re capable.

  • Treated you with respect, gave you agency and voice.

  • Admitted their own flaws and modelled repairing relationships.

  • Rooted your value in who you are, not just what you do.

  • Built a reliable foundation upon which you could explore and grow.

  • Taught you responsibility balanced with support.

These are the building blocks of healthy psychology: secure attachment, self-efficacy, resilience, emotional competency. Consider yourself fortunate if you heard them—and honoured if you now use them.

What if you didn’t hear them?

If you didn’t, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed. Awareness is the first step. Many of us recognise what we missed in our own childhoods and choose to parent differently. If you’re raising children (or will soon, as I know many of us are), you have the opportunity to introduce these words and, more importantly, the behaviours behind them.

Here’s how you might put it into practise:

  • Make intentional phrases: write a note of the four to five phrases you want to use regularly.

  • Pair words with actions: saying “I believe in you” is stronger when you let the child try something hard—and stay beside them.

  • Model humility: apologise when you make mistakes. That’s a gold-standard in good parenting.

  • Give choices: ask for the child’s input. Even a small “what do you think” matters.

  • Honour feelings: when they’re upset, you don’t have to fix it—but you can validate it.

  • Celebrate effort, character and growth—not only results.

  • Make your presence known: “I’ll always be here for you” only matters if you show up.

Closing thoughts

To the adults reading this: if you recognise these phrases from your childhood, take a moment to appreciate the foundation you were given. If you didn’t, know that you can still build that foundation now—for yourself and for the next generation. And to new parents (or soon-to-be parents), consider weaving these phrases into the soundscape of your child’s life. The words we speak today echo in the character our children become tomorrow.

Raising children is one of the greatest tasks we’ll ever tackle—no formula guarantees perfection. But if you aim to be the kind of parent who speaks these ten phrases, you’re well on your way to being the kind of parent children look back on and say: “Yes, they were genuinely good.”

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.