If you want to be more pleasant to be around as you get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

by Lachlan Brown | August 6, 2025, 3:33 pm

We all age—there’s no escaping that.

But how we age? That’s a choice.

Some people grow wiser, kinder, and more enjoyable to be around. Others, sadly, grow bitter, rigid, and difficult.

The difference isn’t just genetics or luck. Often, it’s about the habits we choose to carry—and the ones we choose to let go of.

So if you want to become someone others enjoy being around more as you get older, it’s time to take a hard look at your behaviors.

Here are 7 that are best left behind.

1. Dominating conversations instead of listening

It’s natural to want to share your stories. You’ve lived, learned, and maybe even earned the right to speak your mind.

But here’s the hard truth: no one enjoys being talked at.

As we age, we often have the urge to dispense wisdom—like the “sage on the stage.” But pleasant people realize that wisdom isn’t just about talking—it’s about knowing when to listen.

Good listeners are magnetic. They make others feel seen, valued, and understood.

If you’re always steering the conversation back to yourself, correcting people mid-sentence, or interrupting to tell your version of the story, you’re not being charming—you’re being exhausting.

Say goodbye to: one-upping, interrupting, or constantly relating everything back to your experience.

Say hello to: asking thoughtful questions, making space for silence, and being fully present when someone speaks.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey

2. Clinging to your opinions as if they’re facts

There’s nothing wrong with having strong opinions.

But when you act like your beliefs are universal truths—and dismiss others for thinking differently—it becomes a problem.

As we age, we risk becoming rigid in our thinking. We’ve seen what’s worked for us and we expect others to adopt the same worldview. But pleasant people remain open-minded, even decades into life.

No one wants to engage with someone who responds to every idea with “Well, back in my day…” or “That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”

That doesn’t make you wise—it makes you dismissive.

Say goodbye to: the need to be right, condescension, and black-and-white thinking.

Say hello to: curiosity, humility, and the phrase “That’s interesting—I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

3. Judging others for not living like you do

Nothing makes people more uncomfortable than being around someone who’s quietly (or not-so-quietly) judging their life choices.

Whether it’s how someone raises their kids, eats their food, spends their money, or uses their phone—your disapproval isn’t as subtle as you think.

People who are pleasant to be around give others emotional breathing room. They understand that everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got.

And most importantly? They’ve stopped using their own life as a measuring stick for others.

Say goodbye to: unsolicited advice, passive-aggressive comments, and “I would never…”

Say hello to: empathy, acceptance, and remembering that what works for you might not work for someone else.

4. Grumbling as your default setting

Let’s face it: life gets harder as you get older.

There are more losses, more changes, and sometimes more aches in the knees.

But here’s the trap: complaining about everything—from the weather, to the younger generation, to your neighbor’s barking dog—makes you less relatable, not more.

Chronic negativity is draining to be around. It signals to others that your emotional world is heavy and that they’ll need to carry that weight if they get too close.

You don’t have to be a fake optimist. But pleasant people make a conscious choice to find some good in the moment, or at least not suck the joy out of the room.

Say goodbye to: “kids these days,” “back when things were better,” and constant sighing.

Say hello to: gratitude, humor, and the ability to let small things go.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the power of attitude.” – Charles R. Swindoll

5. Holding onto old grudges

As the years pass, so do the people.

One day you might look around and realize the friend you were feuding with is no longer around. The sibling you held resentment toward hasn’t called in years.

And you’ll wonder—what was that all for?

Grudges don’t make us strong. They make us bitter. They take up mental and emotional space that could be used for connection, joy, or creativity.

And worse? They often hurt you more than they hurt the person you’re mad at.

Pleasant people are forgiving, not because they’re pushovers—but because they want peace more than they want power.

Say goodbye to: rehashing old wounds, silently punishing people, or keeping score.

Say hello to: closure, boundaries, and emotional freedom.

6. Making everything a competition

Whether it’s about parenting, finances, travel, or health, some people just can’t help but compete.

“Oh, your daughter’s in college? Mine’s already working in tech.”
“You went to Bali? I did a whole month in Europe.”
“You walked 5k today? I ran 10.”

Sound familiar?

While it might feel harmless—or even playful—it often makes others feel unseen or undervalued. Not to mention, it sends the message that your self-worth depends on being better than those around you.

Pleasant people get joy from celebrating others—not outshining them.

They ask questions, show interest, and resist the urge to compare resumes.

Say goodbye to: humble-bragging, name-dropping, or topping someone else’s experience.

Say hello to: genuine enthusiasm for others’ wins, and conversations that aren’t about status.

7. Resisting change just for the sake of it

Change is hard—especially when it feels like the world is moving too fast.

But being the person who constantly pushes back—who says, “I don’t get TikTok,” “Why does everything have to change?” or “That’s just how I’ve always done it”—makes you sound stuck.

And stuck people? They’re hard to relate to.

Being pleasant doesn’t mean you need to embrace every trend. But it does mean staying open-minded enough to not resent the future.

The world is always evolving. Pleasant people evolve too.

Say goodbye to: nostalgia as a weapon, dismissing new ideas, or clinging to tradition with both fists.

Say hello to: curiosity, flexibility, and asking younger people to teach you something new.

Final thoughts: The gift of growing better, not just older

Getting older is inevitable. Becoming bitter, rigid, or unpleasant? That’s optional.

We often think that age earns us the right to say whatever we want, act however we please, and make others conform to our worldview.

But true maturity isn’t about demanding respect—it’s about earning it, moment by moment, through your presence and your energy.

When you let go of the behaviors that distance you from others—judgment, rigidity, negativity—you make space for connection, lightness, and warmth.

And that’s what people remember.

Not your resume. Not your travel history. Not your opinions.

But how they felt when they were around you.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.