9 phrases emotionally intelligent people use that quickly make others feel understood

Ever had someone truly listen to you, and it felt like they just got you?

That’s emotional intelligence at work.

I’ve spent years observing how people communicate, and I’ve noticed that emotionally intelligent folks have this amazing ability to make others feel seen and heard. It’s not magic, though. It’s about the specific phrases they use.

Today, I’m sharing nine phrases that emotionally intelligent people use that instantly make others feel understood. These aren’t just nice-sounding words. They’re powerful tools for connection.

Let’s dive in.

1. “That sounds really difficult”

When someone shares a challenge they’re facing, emotionally intelligent people don’t jump in with solutions or try to one-up the story. They simply acknowledge the difficulty.

I learned this lesson the hard way back when I was managing a language school. One of my teachers came to me stressed about a difficult class, and I immediately started suggesting fixes. Her face told me everything I needed to know. She didn’t want solutions. She wanted to be heard.

When I switched to phrases like “That sounds really difficult” or “That must be tough,” the conversation changed entirely. People relaxed. They opened up more.

This kind of validation is crucial. It tells the other person that their feelings are legitimate and that you’re there with them in that moment.

2. “Tell me more about that”

This one seems simple, but it’s incredibly powerful.

When someone shares something with you and you respond with “Tell me more about that,” you’re doing two things. First, you’re showing genuine interest. Second, you’re giving them permission to go deeper.

I use this constantly now, especially when meeting new people or catching up with old friends. Instead of moving the conversation to myself or changing topics, I lean in with curiosity.

The beauty of this phrase is that it keeps the focus on the other person. It signals that you have time for them, that what they’re saying matters, and that you’re not in a rush to move on.

3. “I can see why you’d feel that way”

One of the most validating things you can do is acknowledge someone’s perspective, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.

This phrase is gold because it separates understanding from agreement. You’re not saying they’re right or wrong. You’re saying their feelings make sense given their experience.

I’ve used this in countless situations, from disagreements with friends to difficult conversations at work. It immediately lowers defenses and creates space for actual dialogue rather than debate.

The key here is authenticity. If you say this but your tone or body language suggests otherwise, people will pick up on it instantly.

4. “How are you holding up?”

This is different from the standard “How are you?” and people notice the difference.

“How are you holding up?” acknowledges that something difficult is happening or has happened. It gives someone permission to not be okay.

I started using this more after a close friend went through a rough breakup. Everyone kept asking “How are you?” in passing, and he’d give the automatic “Fine, thanks.” But when I asked “How are you holding up?” he actually told me the truth.

It’s a phrase that cuts through the social niceties and invites genuine connection.

5. “That makes sense”

Three simple words that can change the entire dynamic of a conversation.

When someone explains their reasoning or feelings and you respond with “That makes sense,” you’re validating their internal logic. You’re saying their thought process is coherent and understandable.

I’ve found this particularly useful when dealing with viewpoints I don’t share. Instead of immediately countering or questioning, I pause and find the thread of logic in what they’re saying. More often than not, even when I disagree, I can honestly say “That makes sense from your perspective.”

This doesn’t mean you’re compromising your own beliefs. It means you’re acknowledging that people arrive at their conclusions through their own experiences and reasoning.

6. “I hear you”

This phrase has become somewhat trendy, but when used genuinely, it’s incredibly effective.

“I hear you” is more than just acknowledging that sound waves reached your ears. It’s confirming that you’ve understood not just the words but the emotion and meaning behind them.

Living part time in Southeast Asia, I’ve noticed how communication styles vary across cultures. But one universal truth I’ve observed is that people everywhere want to feel heard. This phrase transcends cultural boundaries.

The trick is to use it sparingly and meaningfully. If you’re saying “I hear you” every two minutes, it loses its impact.

7. “What do you need right now?”

This is one of my favorites because it’s so practical.

When someone is upset or stressed, we often assume what they need. Maybe advice, maybe a solution, maybe just space. But emotionally intelligent people don’t assume. They ask.

This phrase shifts the power back to the person who’s struggling. It respects their autonomy and acknowledges that they know themselves best.

8. “Thank you for trusting me with this”

When someone opens up to you about something personal or difficult, acknowledging that trust is crucial.

I learned this ,again, during my years as a teacher. Students would sometimes share personal challenges affecting their studies, and I realized that recognizing their vulnerability created a stronger foundation for support.

This phrase does two things. It acknowledges the courage it takes to be vulnerable, and it reinforces that you take their trust seriously. It tells them their openness was worth it.

In my experience, people are more likely to open up to those who recognize and honor vulnerability rather than brush past it.

9. “I appreciate you sharing that with me”

Similar to the previous phrase, but with a slightly different emphasis.

This one focuses on gratitude. You’re explicitly thanking someone for including you in their experience, thoughts, or feelings.

I use this regularly with friends and in my writing community. When someone shares a personal story or admits a struggle, responding with appreciation reinforces that their openness adds value to the relationship.

It’s also a gentle way to close a heavy conversation while ensuring the person knows their sharing was welcomed and valued.

The bottom line

These nine phrases aren’t magic formulas. If you use them without sincerity, people will see right through it. But when used authentically, they create space for real connection and understanding.

Try bringing one or two of these phrases into your conversations this week. Notice how people respond. You might be surprised at how such simple words can deepen your connections.

As always, I hope you found some value in this post.

Until next time.