7 things emotionally intelligent people do that make them more successful over time

by Lachlan Brown | August 19, 2025, 11:17 am

When we think about success, we often imagine strategy, intelligence, or sheer hard work.

And while those matter, there’s a quieter ingredient that plays an even bigger role over the long haul: emotional intelligence.

In fact, it’s actually one of the strongest predictors of long-term success, often mattering more than IQ or technical skills.

So what exactly are emotionally intelligent people doing differently? Here are seven habits they practice that make them more successful, not just in the short term, but as their lives unfold.

1. They listen more than they speak

Think about the last conversation you had with someone who made you feel truly heard. How did it feel? Pretty amazing, right?

Most people are terrible listeners. They’re busy formulating their response, checking their phone, or waiting for their turn to talk. But emotionally intelligent people do the opposite—they listen with genuine curiosity.

I learned this lesson the hard way early in my career. I was so focused on proving how smart I was that I’d interrupt colleagues and jump in with solutions before fully understanding their problems. It backfired spectacularly.

The shift happened when I started asking better questions and actually waiting for complete answers. “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing with this?” “How do you think we should approach it?” “What am I missing here?”

Real listening isn’t passive. It’s active engagement with another person’s thoughts and feelings. You’re not just hearing words—you’re picking up on tone, body language, and what’s not being said.

Here’s what’s interesting: when you become known as someone who truly listens, people start coming to you with opportunities, ideas, and problems they need solved. You become the person others trust with important information.

That trust translates directly into career advancement, stronger relationships, and better outcomes across the board.

2. They regulate their emotions instead of suppressing them

Here’s a misconception that drives me crazy: people think emotional intelligence means never getting angry, frustrated, or upset.

That’s complete BS.

Emotionally intelligent people feel the full range of human emotions, of course—they just handle them differently. Instead of either exploding or bottling everything up, they’ve learned to regulate their emotional responses.

I’ve mentioned Rudá Iandê’s book “Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life” before, but his insights on emotions really shifted my perspective.

As he puts it: “Our emotions are not barriers, but profound gateways to the soul—portals to the vast, uncharted landscapes of our inner being.”

Reading this, I realized how often I’ve treated emotions as distractions rather than guides. The book inspired me to lean into discomfort, listen to what my feelings are telling me, and recognize that success isn’t about silencing emotions but working with them.

Emotion regulation looks like pausing before responding to a heated email. It’s taking three deep breaths when someone cuts you off in traffic. It’s saying “I need a moment to process this” instead of reacting impulsively.

The payoff is huge. People trust you more when they know you won’t fly off the handle or shut down completely under pressure.

3. They read the room and adapt their approach

Ever walked into a meeting and immediately sensed the tension? Or noticed when your boss was having a rough day before they said a word?

Emotionally intelligent people are masters at reading social cues and adjusting their behavior accordingly. They’re like social chameleons, but in the best possible way.

This isn’t about being fake or manipulative. It’s about understanding that different situations call for different approaches, and successful communication requires meeting people where they are.

Reading the room means paying attention to body language, tone of voice, and the overall vibe. It’s noticing when someone’s “I’m fine” doesn’t match their crossed arms and tight jaw.

When you consistently demonstrate this kind of social awareness, people view you as someone who “gets it”—and that’s invaluable for long-term success.

4. They give feedback that actually helps people grow

Most people absolutely suck at giving feedback. They either avoid it completely or deliver it so poorly that it destroys relationships and crushes confidence.

Emotionally intelligent people have cracked the code on this. They understand that feedback isn’t about making themselves feel better or asserting dominance—it’s about genuinely helping someone improve.

The difference is in the approach. Instead of saying “You’re always interrupting people in meetings,” they’ll say something like “I noticed you jumped in a few times during Sarah’s presentation. I’m wondering if you realized she wasn’t finished? I do this too sometimes when I get excited about an idea.”

See the difference? The second approach is specific, non-judgmental, and includes some vulnerability from the person giving feedback.

I learned this from watching a former manager who had this incredible ability to deliver tough feedback that people actually thanked her for.

Her secret was timing and framing. She’d wait for the right moment, usually in private, and always started with genuine care for the person’s success.

She’d say things like “I want to see you succeed here, and I’ve noticed something that might be holding you back. Can we talk about it?”

Here’s what’s brilliant about this approach: when you become known as someone who gives helpful, constructive feedback, people start seeking you out for guidance. You become a trusted advisor, not just a colleague.

And that reputation for developing others? It’s career gold.

5. They build genuine connections before they need them

You know that person who only reaches out when they want something? Yeah, don’t be that person.

Emotionally intelligent people understand that relationships aren’t transactions—they’re investments.

They build authentic connections long before they need any favors, creating a network based on mutual respect and genuine interest in others.

This means remembering that your colleague just had a baby and asking how they’re adjusting. It’s congratulating someone on a promotion they got at their previous company, even though it doesn’t benefit you at all. It’s sharing an article you think might interest them, with no strings attached.

I used to be terrible at this. I’d only engage with people when I needed something, then wonder why my professional relationships felt so shallow and transactional.

The shift happened when I started thinking of networking as “being genuinely interested in other people’s success.”

Instead of going to events with the mindset of “what can I get,” I started asking “how can I help” or simply “what’s interesting about this person’s journey?”

The magic happens when you stop keeping score. You help people because you want to, not because you expect something back. But here’s the thing—when you operate this way, people naturally want to help you too.

They remember the person who celebrated their wins, listened to their struggles, and offered support without expecting anything in return.

6. They own their mistakes without making excuses

Nothing destroys credibility faster than someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong.

We all know that person—the one who deflects, blames others, or makes elaborate excuses instead of just owning up to their mistakes.

Emotionally intelligent people do the opposite. When they mess up, they acknowledge it quickly, take responsibility, and focus on solutions rather than justifications.

Here’s why this works: when you own your mistakes without drama or excuses, people trust you more, not less. They know you’re self-aware enough to recognize problems and mature enough to fix them.

It also creates psychological safety for others. When leaders admit their mistakes openly, it gives everyone else permission to be human too.

7. They stay curious instead of getting defensive

Here’s a scenario we’ve all been in: someone challenges your idea, questions your approach, or suggests you might be wrong about something. What’s your first reaction?

Most people get defensive, right? They dig in, argue their position, and try to prove why they’re right. It’s a natural human response, but it’s also a career killer.

Emotionally intelligent people have trained themselves to get curious instead of defensive.

When faced with criticism or opposing viewpoints, they ask questions: “Can you help me understand your perspective?” “What am I missing here?” “How would you approach this differently?”

This mindset shift has been huge for me personally. There was a time when any pushback on my ideas felt like a personal attack. I’d get this surge of adrenaline and immediately start building my counterargument.

But I’ve learned that defensiveness closes doors while curiosity opens them. When you respond to challenges with genuine interest rather than resistance, amazing things happen.

People feel heard and valued. You actually learn something new. And you often discover that the other person isn’t trying to tear you down—they’re trying to help you build something better.

This approach also makes you incredibly easy to work with. While others are getting into ego battles and turf wars, you’re the person who says “That’s an interesting point, tell me more.” Guess who gets invited to more important conversations?

Final words

Here’s what I’ve learned about emotional intelligence over the years: it’s not a soft skill that’s nice to have—it’s the foundation that everything else is built on.

You can be the smartest person in the room, but if you can’t read social cues, give helpful feedback, or handle your emotions under pressure, you’ll hit a ceiling pretty quickly.

The beautiful thing about these seven behaviors is that they’re all learnable. You don’t need to be born with some special emotional gift. You just need to practice paying attention to yourself and others in a more intentional way.

And here’s the bonus: while you’re becoming more successful professionally, you’re also becoming a better friend, partner, and human being. Emotional intelligence isn’t just good for your career—it’s good for your life.

The people around you will notice the difference, even if they can’t put their finger on exactly what’s changed. That’s the real power of emotional intelligence: it makes everyone’s life a little bit better, starting with your own.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.