7 subtle behaviors that make people underestimate you before you even speak

by Lachlan Brown | October 25, 2025, 11:25 am

There’s a fine line between being unassuming and being overlooked, and it all boils down to perception.

Ever noticed how some people are underestimated before they even utter a word?

It’s not magic, it’s subtle behaviors.

These behaviors, often unnoticed by us, can paint an undesired picture in others’ minds, causing them to underestimate our abilities.

Trust me, it’s not always about what you say, but how you carry yourself.

In this article, I’ll share seven subtle behaviors that might be making people underestimate you even before you open your mouth.

Whether you’re penning your next bestseller or preparing for a crucial business meeting, first impressions matter:

1) Poor body language

Body language speaks volumes about us, often more than our words do.

Let’s face it, you might be an eloquent speaker or a skilled writer, but if your body language is off, you’re likely to be underestimated even before you say a word.

Slouched shoulders, lack of eye contact, fidgeting—these are all subtle behaviors that can signal insecurity, lack of confidence or disinterest.

Trust me, people notice these cues!

The next time before heading out for a business meeting or sitting down to write your next chapter, take a moment to check your body posture.

Stand tall, maintain eye contact and keep those fidgety hands at bay.

Your body language is your silent ambassador, so make sure it represents you well.

2) Lack of assertiveness

I remember one particular incident early in my professional journey: I was part of a team that was to present a business strategy to potential investors. I had done my homework, knew the facts like the back of my hand, and was ready to contribute.

However, I held back, preferring to let others lead the conversation.

The result? My ideas were overlooked, and I was underestimated. Not because my ideas were not good enough, but simply because I failed to assert myself.

Take it from me, lack of assertiveness is often mistaken for a lack of confidence or competence.

Speaking up might seem daunting, but it’s crucial if you want your voice to be heard and respected.

3) Negative self-talk

Psychology suggests that our thoughts have a significant impact on our behavior.

An inner monologue filled with self-doubt and negativity can seep into your demeanor, subtly affecting how you present yourself to the world.

Negative self-talk can result in you appearing less confident and capable, leading others to underestimate you before any words are even exchanged.

Replace those negative thoughts with encouraging words and watch how it subtly changes your behavior, making a significant impact on how others perceive you.

4) Lack of preparedness

Ever walked into a room and instantly felt out of place? It could be a networking event, a business meeting, or a book launch, but that sinking feeling is universal.

This often happens when we’re not adequately prepared. When we don’t know what to expect, we tend to retreat into our shells, appearing less confident and competent than we are.

But here’s the good news: Preparation is something within your control. Do your homework, understand the context, anticipate possible scenarios, and you’ll notice a boost in your confidence and the way people perceive you.

Preparation is key, so don’t underestimate its power in shaping first impressions.

5) Avoiding eye contact

I have always been a bit of an introvert, comfortable in my own space.

Large gatherings and networking events were not my favourite places to be.

One thing I never realised I was doing was avoiding eye contact during conversations.

It was a defense mechanism, but it was also making me seem aloof and uninterested.

It wasn’t long before I noticed that people were underestimating my abilities and engagement due to this subtle behavior.

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It shows that you’re present, confident, and engaged in the conversation.

While it took me some time to get comfortable with it, maintaining eye contact has made a significant difference in how people perceive me.

If you’re in the same boat as I was, remember that eye contact is essential.

Make it a point to maintain it during conversations. It may feel awkward at first, but with practice, it becomes second nature.

6) Inconsistent appearance

It may seem superficial, but our appearance plays a significant role in how others perceive us.

Showing up to a meeting in casual attire when everyone else is dressed in business formal can make you stand out in an undesirable way.

On the flip side, being overdressed can also be off-putting.

The key is consistency: Dress appropriately for the occasion and maintain a neat and professional appearance.

This subtle behavior can influence how seriously people take you, even before you speak.

Your appearance is the first thing people notice about you.

Make sure it sends the right message about your professionalism and attention to detail.

7) Not being present

In a world where multitasking is glorified, being genuinely present in a moment is a rarity—and people notice it.

Whether you’re scrolling through your phone during a conversation or your mind is elsewhere during a meeting, it can make you seem disinterested and unengaged.

Being present, on the other hand, shows that you value the interaction and are invested in it.

This simple behavior can significantly influence how people perceive you and your commitment to the task at hand.

Put away the distractions—be it physical or mental—and be present in the moment.

It’s the most powerful way to ensure that you’re not underestimated before you even speak.

Final thoughts

The subtleties of human behavior are complex and varied. They often speak louder than words and can significantly impact how we’re perceived by others.

In essence, these seven subtle behaviors are not an exhaustive list, but they provide a starting point to understand why people might underestimate you before you speak.

These behaviors, mostly unconscious, can be modified and controlled with self-awareness and practice.

As the famous author and motivational speaker, Les Brown once said, “Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”

The journey towards self-improvement isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.