8 things genuinely happy people rarely waste their energy on

by Lachlan Brown | May 5, 2026, 9:48 am

Let’s take a moment to consider this:

You’re striving for that elusive happiness, the kind that seems to be a permanent fixture in some people’s lives. You’ve read self-help books, listened to podcasts, even tried yoga on a mountaintop, but it still seems just out of reach.

We’ve all been there.

Sometimes it’s not about what you need to start doing, but rather what you need to stop. It’s not always about adding more to your life, but about subtracting the things that are dragging you down.

Here’s the deal:

Psychology has some insights to offer, insights that can help us understand what these genuinely happy folks are doing differently. Spoiler alert: It’s not about having more money, a perfect body, or even an impressive job title.

1) Engaging in constant comparisons

Genuinely happy people understand that everyone’s journey is unique. They don’t waste precious mental energy comparing their lives to those of others.

It’s a fact that social media platforms have made it so easy for us to peek into other people’s highlight reels, leading us to believe that our lives don’t measure up.

Happy people know better. They realise that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side; it’s green where you water it. They don’t let someone else’s success diminish their own self-worth.

Instead, they celebrate others’ achievements and use them as inspiration to strive for their own goals.

The thing is, they understand that comparison is the thief of joy and they refuse to let it steal their happiness. They focus on their own path, their own progress, and their own happiness. There is an undeniable wisdom in this – a wisdom we could all benefit from adopting.

2) Holding on to grudges

Here’s a little story for you:

Once upon a time, I had a friend who I felt had wronged me. We were close, but a misunderstanding caused a falling out. I spent months replaying the incident in my head, allowing anger and resentment to consume my thoughts.

But then it hit me:

This grudge was doing nothing but draining my energy and happiness. The person I was angry at wasn’t even aware of the negative emotions I was harbouring. I knew then that I had to let it go, not for them, but for me.

You know what?

It wasn’t easy, but deciding to forgive was like lifting a heavy weight off my shoulders. I felt lighter, free, and most importantly, happier. Holding a grudge had been like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

3) Living in the past or future

Mark Twain once famously said, “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

Genuinely happy people take this wisdom to heart. They understand that fretting over the past, or obsessing about the future, is a surefire way to squander their energy and happiness.

They know that the past cannot be changed, and the future is largely uncertain.

They choose to live in the present moment, because they understand that it’s the only place where life truly exists. They don’t let past failures define them, nor do they allow anxiety about the future to rob them of their present joy.

Here’s what I mean:

Think about it. If you’re always looking back with regret or forward with fear, you’re missing out on the now. You’re missing out on life’s little pleasures: a good book, a cup of coffee in the quiet morning hours, a walk in the park.

4) Trying to control everything

Here’s something you may not know:

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who are comfortable with uncertainty and unpredictability tend to have higher levels of life satisfaction and overall well-being.

Genuinely happy people don’t sweat over trying to control everything. They understand that life is unpredictable, full of ups and downs, twists and turns. They know that they can’t control what happens to them, but they can control how they react to it.

Instead of trying to micromanage every aspect of their lives or worrying about things beyond their control, they focus on what they can influence. They invest their energy in their reactions, their decisions, their attitude.

By surrendering control and embracing the unpredictability of life, genuinely happy people free themselves from the stress and anxiety associated with trying to control everything. They find peace in the chaos and beauty in the unexpected.

5) Chasing perfection

Let’s get real for a moment:

Genuinely happy people don’t waste their energy chasing an illusion of perfection. They understand that life is beautifully imperfect and so are they.

They embrace their flaws and mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. They know that striving for perfection is not only unrealistic but also a significant source of stress and anxiety. They don’t let the fear of making mistakes stop them from trying new things or taking risks.

They believe in progress, not perfection. They value self-improvement and personal growth over an unattainable ideal. They celebrate their little victories and learn from their failures.

Perfection is a mirage, a trap that can lead to endless dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

6) Clinging to toxic relationships

Genuinely happy people don’t waste their energy on relationships that drain them. They understand that the people we surround ourselves with can greatly influence our happiness and wellbeing.

They value quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. They prefer to surround themselves with positive, uplifting people who inspire and encourage them.

Think about the five people you spend the most time with. Do they lift you up or bring you down? Do they inspire you to be your best self, or do they drain you with negativity?

Cutting ties with toxic people can be hard, especially if they’ve been in our lives for a long time. But genuinely happy people know that sometimes, it’s necessary for their own peace and happiness.

7) Neglecting self-care

Alright, let’s switch gears a bit:

Genuinely happy people don’t waste their energy neglecting their own needs. They understand the importance of self-care in maintaining their mental, emotional, and physical health.

They prioritize activities that nourish their body, mind, and soul. Whether it’s a quiet morning jog, a relaxing bubble bath, or simply saying ‘no’ to an unwanted commitment, they make sure to carve out time for themselves.

They understand that they can’t pour from an empty cup. They can’t take care of others if they don’t take care of themselves first. They know that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

Bottom line?

By making self-care a priority, genuinely happy people ensure they have the energy and resilience to face life’s challenges. They understand the power of taking time for themselves to rest, recharge, and rejuvenate.

8) Ignoring their passions

This is it, the big one:

Genuinely happy people don’t waste their energy ignoring their passions. They understand that pursuing what they love adds a whole new level of joy and fulfillment to their lives.

They don’t just work for the sake of earning a living. They strive to make a life. They find something they’re passionate about and make time for it, no matter how busy they may be. They understand that life is too short to not do what makes them come alive.

We all have something that lights a fire in our souls, something that brings us immense joy and satisfaction. It could be painting, writing, cooking, gardening – anything that resonates with our inner selves.

Why does it matter?

Because when we make time for our passions, we’re not just filling our time – we’re filling our hearts and souls. We’re feeding the very essence of who we are.

Final thoughts

If you’ve been nodding along as you read these points, you’re already on the path to genuine happiness. You’ve recognized that it’s not about adding more to your life, but about letting go of the things that weigh you down.

You’ve gained a new perspective on what it means to be genuinely happy.

Change is hard. But remember, it’s a process and it takes time. Start by identifying the areas in your life where you’ve been wasting energy. Is it trying to control everything? Is it chasing perfection? Or perhaps holding onto toxic relationships?

Once you identify these areas, you can start to consciously shift your energy towards more positive and fulfilling pursuits. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with time and practice, it will become second nature.

Here’s a little nugget of truth from psychologist Carl Rogers: “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

Embrace this process of self-discovery and growth. Celebrate small victories. And most importantly, be patient with yourself.

You’re well on your way to becoming a genuinely happier version of yourself, one who knows what truly matters in life and doesn’t waste energy on the rest.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.