8 science-backed ways to appear more confident in any social setting

by Lachlan Brown | October 23, 2025, 8:13 pm

We’ve all been there, walking into a room full of strangers, suddenly hyper-aware of everything we’re doing. You start wondering: What should I say? Do I look awkward? Are they noticing how nervous I am?

Here’s the truth: most people aren’t as confident as they seem. The difference is, some have learned how to project confidence, even when they don’t fully feel it.

The good news? Confidence isn’t an innate trait reserved for the lucky few. It’s a skill, one that’s been studied extensively by psychologists, communication experts, and neuroscientists.

And by practicing certain behaviors, you can start appearing more confident in any social situation, whether it’s a networking event, a first date, or your next team meeting.

Let’s dive into eight science-backed ways to do it.

1. Master your posture

Let’s start with the obvious but powerful one, your posture.

Research from Harvard University explored how adopting “power poses” (standing tall with open, expansive body language) could influence your confidence and stress levels.

Later studies found mixed results on hormones, but most agree on this: your posture affects how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself.

When you slouch, cross your arms, or hunch forward, your body is literally telling your brain, “I’m small. I’m uncertain.”

But when you stand tall, shoulders relaxed, chin level, your brain receives the opposite message: “I’ve got this.”

It’s not about puffing your chest out like a superhero, it’s about being open. Walk into a room like you belong there, and your body will do half the talking for you.

If you want a quick exercise, try this: before a social event, stand with your feet hip-width apart, shoulders back, and take a few deep breaths.

You’ll instantly feel more grounded, and that groundedness translates into quiet, steady confidence.

2. Slow down your speech

Have you ever noticed how confident people rarely rush their words? They don’t fill every silence. They take their time.

Studies in communication psychology show that people who speak more slowly, and with natural pauses, are perceived as more confident and competent. When you rush, it signals anxiety. When you pause, it signals control.

I used to speak way too fast when I was nervous, like I was trying to get my thoughts out before I lost them. B

ut when I learned to pause, to let silence hang for a moment, everything changed. People listened more closely. My words landed with more weight.

Try this: before responding to someone, take a breath. It not only gives you time to think but also shows you’re not afraid of silence. Because silence, used well, is power.

3. Use eye contact (the right way)

Eye contact is one of the oldest social signals in the book, and one of the easiest to misuse.

Research published in Psychological Science found that maintaining mutual eye contact increases physiological synchrony and perceived connection during conversation, reinforcing trust and engagement.

So what does that look like in practice? When you’re speaking, hold eye contact for a few seconds, then glance away briefly before returning. When you’re listening, focus on their eyes and face, showing engagement.

The goal isn’t to stare someone down, it’s to connect. It’s the nonverbal equivalent of saying, “I see you. I’m present.”

A good rule of thumb: if it feels like you’re making slightly too much eye contact, you’re probably just right. Most people underestimate how much eye contact they make.

4. Mind your hands

If you’ve ever felt awkward wondering what to do with your hands, you’re not alone.

Psychologists have long noted that hand gestures play a major role in how people perceive your confidence.

A meta-analysis found that open, congruent gestures are linked with better comprehension and positive social judgments, even when talking simply.

When you hide your hands (in your pockets, behind your back, or under the table), it can subconsciously signal nervousness or secrecy. When you fidget, it signals anxiety.

The fix? Keep your hands visible and relaxed. Use them naturally to emphasize points, but don’t overdo it. Even resting your hands loosely on a table or clasped in front of you looks intentional.

When I first started giving talks, my hands were all over the place until I learned that stillness is confidence. Movement, when purposeful, draws attention. Movement, when random, distracts from your message.

So let your gestures support your words, not compete with them.

5. Dress for how you want to feel

There’s a reason we say, “Look good, feel good.”

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that wearing clothes that carry symbolic meaning such as well-fitted, professional attire can boost performance on attention and abstract thinking tasks.

It’s something researchers call “enclothed cognition”, the idea that what you wear can actually influence how you think and act.

But confidence doesn’t come from wearing expensive brands. It comes from wearing clothes that make you feel like the best version of yourself.

When I travel or attend events, I choose outfits that are clean, simple, and fit well. Not fancy, just intentional. Because when you feel comfortable in your own skin (and in your clothes), your body language naturally follows suit.

So next time you’re stepping into a new social setting, ask yourself: What outfit would help me feel calm, grounded, and capable? Then wear that.

6. Use your breath to regulate nerves

If there’s one tool that’s always with you, it’s your breath, and it’s one of the most powerful ways to control how confident you appear.

When you’re nervous, your breathing becomes shallow and rapid. Your body interprets that as danger.

But when you breathe deeply and slowly, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part that tells your body, “You’re safe.”

Techniques like box breathing (inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four) are used by everyone from Navy SEALs to mindfulness practitioners.

I picked this up years ago through meditation and Buddhist teachings. Whenever I feel anxious before a talk or social event, I take three slow, full breaths. It sounds simple, but it instantly shifts your energy.

Here’s why this works: your body language mirrors your internal state. Calm breathing creates calm energy, and calm energy is what people interpret as confidence.

7. Reframe your anxiety as excitement

Here’s a fascinating trick backed by psychology: nervousness and excitement feel almost identical in the body.

Both raise your heart rate. Both make your palms sweat. The only difference is how your brain labels it.

In a study from Harvard Business School, participants told to say “I’m excited” before a stressful task performed significantly better than those who said “I’m nervous.”

The reason? It reframes the physiological response from fear to anticipation.

Next time you feel the pre-presentation jitters, try this mental shift. Instead of “I’m nervous to meet these people,” say, “I’m excited to meet new people.” You’re using the same energy, just channeling it in a more empowering direction.

It’s a small mindset tweak that can completely change your presence.

8. Focus on others, not yourself

If there’s one universal truth about confidence, it’s this: the more you think about how you’re being perceived, the less confident you become.

Social anxiety often comes from self-focus, replaying how we sound, look, or come across.

But research from Columbia University found that people who actively listen and show genuine curiosity are rated as more influential and respected in conversations.

The best conversationalists aren’t the ones who talk the most. They’re the ones who make others feel seen.

Next time you’re in a group or meeting someone new, shift your mental spotlight away from yourself. Ask questions. Listen deeply. Pay attention.

Ironically, when you stop trying to appear confident and start focusing on connecting with others, your confidence starts shining through naturally.

Because confidence isn’t loud, it’s presence.

Final words

Confidence isn’t about being the most extroverted person in the room, or pretending to have it all figured out. It’s about energy, calm, grounded energy that says, “I’m comfortable being me.”

The best part? Every one of these behaviors can be practiced.

Stand tall. Breathe deeper. Slow your speech. Make eye contact. Focus on others.

You don’t have to fake confidence, you just have to create the conditions for it to show up. Over time, those small shifts compound until you’re not just appearing confident, you are confident.

As the Buddhist teacher Thích Nhất Hạnh once said, “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

That’s really what confidence is, not perfection, not performance, but presence.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.