Psychology says people who are mentally strong don't avoid difficult emotions — they've learned to sit with discomfort long enough to understand what it's trying to tell them

Psychology makes an interesting assertion — the mentally strong amongst us don’t run from tough emotions. They cope. They manage. They get cosy with discomfort in order to truly comprehend its messaging.

This might seem like the emotional equivalent of a rollercoaster ride. You might wonder, “Why would I do that to myself?” But it’s not about embracing pain, it’s about understanding it, learning from it.

Consider this a spoiler alert for the article: Learning how to sit with discomfort is one of the game changers in the realm of mental strength. And, we’re about to unpack how and why. Let’s dive in!

1) Riding the Rollercoaster

Mentally strong people don’t jump off the emotional rollercoaster ride at the first sign of a hike in emotions. Instead, they strap themselves in and brace for the journey.

The most effective salespeople learn how to read their buyers’ emotions. Successful leaders master the art of understanding their team’s underlying feel. Mental toughness isn’t about being impervious to feelings; it’s about decoding them to comprehend the narrative behind them.

Consider it akin to refining your emotional literacy. A text isn’t about the individual words. It’s about how those words come together to form a story. Emotions are no different. They aren’t isolated experiences to avoid; they’re a series of signals that create our mental script.

The key is to stay with the rollercoaster of emotions long enough to make sense of the ride.

And no, it’s not about turning yourself into an emotional punching bag. It’s merely understanding what the discomfort is trying to tell you.

So if you’re aversed to discomfort, maybe it’s time to rethink that narrative. The uncomfortable parts of our emotional journeys often have the most to teach us.

2) A Personal Encounter with Discomfort

Now, let me share a personal experience where I learned the importance of embracing discomfort rather than running away from it.

I was in the middle of a challenging project at work. The stakes were high, the timeline was tight, and every decision carried weight. Each day was a cocktail of emotions: anxiety, pressure, enthusiasm, and doubt all stirred together.

It was tempting to suppress these uncomfortable emotions and present a facade of unflappable cool. But then I remembered: difficult emotions are not our enemies. They are signals asking for our attention, like a tapping on the shoulder.

So, instead, I let myself feel the discomfort. The anxiety became a signal to prepare more thoroughly. The pressure was a reminder of the importance of the task. The enthusiasm told me I was personally invested, and the doubt pushed me to review my work meticulously.

By sitting with discomfort long enough to understand its message, I found ways to use it as a tool for success. In the end, not only did I complete the project successfully, but I also grew mentally stronger and more resilient because I was willing to learn from my emotions, rather than shying away from them.

3) Embracing Discomfort Builds Resilience

Did you realize resilience isn’t just a product of internal strength? It’s closely tied to our ability to process and endure discomfort.

According to a study by the American Psychological Association, resilience isn’t the capacity to bounce back from adversity alone. It also involves “behavioral flexibility” — the ability to adapt to changing situations by adjusting one’s emotional responses. Essentially, this implies when tough times drop in, resilient people are more equipped to reshape their emotional landscape.

So while it feels natural to dodge discomfort or brace ourselves intermittently against its impact, that’s not the most beneficial approach. If we shift our view – see discomfort as an opportunity to grow, a lesson in resilience – we can deal with life’s unpredictability far more effectively.

Ultimately, understanding discomfort isn’t some abstract psychological concept. It’s a direct pathway to building personal resilience.

4) Discomfort is a Catalyst for Growth

Contrary to a common belief, discomfort isn’t meant to deter us from certain experiences. Instead, it’s an invitation to grow, develop, and stretch our current capabilities.

Let’s take a simple example — starting a new job or switching careers. The unfamiliarity and uncertainty are uncomfortable. The learning curve is steep. But it’s in pushing through that discomfort that we acquire new skills, knowledge, and experience. It’s the space where personal growth and advancements occur.

Likewise, when we face emotional discomfort, it’s a signal that there’s something new to be learned, a different perspective to be considered, or a personal boundary to be expanded.

Mentally strong people understand this; they see difficult emotions as opportunities to grow, to toughen up. They’re not roadblocks but stepping stones towards becoming a better version of themselves. Embrace the discomfort and watch yourself evolve!

5) Discomfort Opens Up Deeper Connections

Here’s something to ponder over: Have you ever noticed how shared discomfort creates a certain bond among people? Like weathering a storm together, forging through emotional hardship can lead to profound connections.

In facing difficult emotions, we expose our vulnerability. This might seem frightening — as if we’re handing over the keys to our weak spots. But vulnerability is not weakness; it’s the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.

Mentally strong individuals recognize this. They understand that by embracing and expressing their discomfort, they open the door to deeper, more authentic relationships. They know that facing emotional discomfort head-on can lead to a world of unprecedented empathy, compassion, and connection.

So next time discomfort knocks, know this: Your willingness to face it might just illuminate a path to stronger, more meaningful relationships. Don’t shy away — forge ahead, be vulnerable. You might be surprised by the beauty that emerges when you dive deep into the heart of discomfort.

6) The Power of Emotional Honesty

A few years back, I found myself grappling with a cloud of grief after losing a loved one. The sorrow was profound, almost palpable. But my initial response was to suppress it. To stay strong. To keep on, business as usual.

However, subduing the pain only buried it deeper. The cloud grew darker, its weight heavier. It was then I realized I needed a different approach. Instead of fighting it away, I learned to sit with my grief, welcoming it as a part of my human experience.

And so, I began unpacking the sorrow, bit by bit. Some days it was just acknowledging it, other days it was letting tears flow freely. It was messy, it was tough. But over time, it started making a difference. My grief didn’t feel like a lead weight anymore but a natural — albeit painful — part of my healing process.

From this storm emerged a crucial lesson: there’s no true emotional strength in repression. Real emotional strength lies in emotional honesty, in embracing discomfort without losing yourself in it. Ignoring or denying emotions won’t make them disappear. But by recognizing and confronting these feelings, we’re able to process and navigate through them.

7) It’s Okay Not to be Okay

This truth may seem simple, but it’s something many of us forget: It’s okay to not be okay. To feel low. To struggle. Our tendency is to put a brave face on, to masquerade our discomfort under smiles and happy fronts. But there’s no medal for doing so.

Living with discomfort doesn’t mean plastering a smile when your heart feels otherwise. It’s not a measure of our fragility but a chance to display our inner strength. It’s giving permission to speak freely about our struggles and pains.

Mentally strong individuals understand this. They normalize discomfort because they see it for what it is — a universal human experience. By not brushing off their unpleasant emotions, they validate their experiences and, in the process, open possibilities for healing and emotional growth.

‘Okay’ is not a destination, but a journey with highs and lows. So, give yourself the grace and permission to feel. To sit with your emotions, to understand them. It’s okay not to be okay; in fact, it’s human.

8) Mastering Discomfort is Mastering Life

Perhaps the most significant insight to take from all this is that confronting discomfort is essentially about confronting life. Life will inevitably throw curveballs of discomfort at us, alongside moments of joy and everything in between. But it’s the manner in which we handle these discomforts that shapes our path forward.

Emotional discomfort is a compass. It helps us to identify what needs our attention and where we need to invest in our personal growth.

Mentally strong individuals don’t just survive emotional discomfort; they thrive in them. They learn, grow and evolve with each emotional wave. They view discomfort as not just an inevitable part of life, but an essential element of it.

So, if there’s one thing you take from this, let it be this: mastering discomfort isn’t just about emotional strength. It’s about mastering life.

Embracing Discomfort is Embracing Growth

This journey into discomfort isn’t a witch hunt of painful feelings. It’s an exploration of our emotional territory, the bittersweet landscape of our human experience.

Each experience of discomfort is a messenger. It comes bearing gifts — if we allow ourselves to receive them. These gifts aren’t glamorous. They’re wrapped in tears, anxiety, or a throbbing heart. But within each, there’s wisdom – insights that make us better, stronger, wiser.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Susan David calls emotional agility the “cornerstone of mental health and success”. This agility, this flexibility in coping with uncomfortable emotions, is what gives us our mental strength. It is our golden ticket to growth and resilience.

Think of it this way: emotions aren’t the villains of our narratives; they are the narrators. They tell us about ourselves, about our needs and about the changes we need to make.

So the next time you encounter discomfort, what will you do? Will you push it away, or will you extend your hand and say, “Tell me more”? That decision could be the difference between living life on the surface level and diving into the depths of self-improvement.

After all, when we learn to sit with discomfort, we learn to sit with life itself.