If you really want to feel confident in yourself, then you simply must say goodbye to these 7 habits

by Lachlan Brown | August 25, 2025, 9:52 pm

Confidence isn’t about walking into a room with your chest puffed out or pretending you have all the answers. It’s a quiet inner strength—a trust in yourself that no matter what happens, you’ll be able to handle it.

But here’s the thing: confidence isn’t built only by what you add to your life. It’s often about what you remove. Certain habits slowly chip away at your self-belief, even if you don’t notice them at first. If you really want to feel confident in yourself, you need to recognize these behaviors and say goodbye to them for good.

Here are seven habits to let go of if you want to build unshakable confidence.

1. Seeking constant approval from others

One of the fastest ways to drain your confidence is by handing it over to other people. If you’re always waiting for someone else to validate your choices, your achievements, or even your personality, you’re building your identity on shaky ground.

Confident people still value feedback—but they don’t live or die by it. They know that chasing approval is like drinking salt water: it never satisfies you, and you’ll only end up thirstier.

Letting go looks like this: Before posting on social media, asking yourself, Do I actually want to share this? Or am I fishing for likes? When you catch yourself replaying conversations in your head to figure out if you “sounded stupid,” pause and remind yourself: I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.

When you stop outsourcing your self-worth, you’ll notice a quiet power building inside. That’s confidence.

2. Comparing yourself to everyone else

It’s hard to feel confident when you’re constantly measuring your progress against someone else’s highlight reel. The habit of comparison usually leaves you with one of two feelings: envy (because someone seems ahead of you) or arrogance (because you feel above them). Neither emotion builds authentic confidence.

True self-belief grows when you compare yourself to who you were yesterday—not to your colleague, your neighbor, or that stranger online who always looks flawless.

Letting go looks like this: The next time you feel jealousy creep in, shift the thought: What inspiration can I take from this person? And when you feel “better than” someone, ask: What could I learn if I stayed humble here?

Comparison steals joy. But when you release it, you reclaim the space to grow on your own terms.

3. Negative self-talk

We all have an inner voice—but for some, it’s less of a coach and more of a relentless critic. “You’re not good enough.” “You’ll embarrass yourself.” “Why even bother?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The problem is, the brain listens. Repeated thoughts become beliefs, and beliefs shape your confidence.

Confident people aren’t free of doubts—they simply don’t feed them. They choose to talk to themselves like they would to a close friend: with honesty, but also with kindness.

Letting go looks like this: When you catch your inner critic taking the mic, don’t argue with it—just notice it and reframe. Instead of “I’ll fail,” try: “This will be a challenge, but I’ve overcome challenges before.” Over time, you’ll build a healthier mental script, one that lifts you up rather than drags you down.

4. Over-apologizing

“Sorry” is a powerful word when it’s sincere. But when you sprinkle it into every sentence—“Sorry to bother you,” “Sorry I’m late,” “Sorry for speaking up”—it can make you seem smaller than you are.

The habit of over-apologizing is often rooted in fear: fear of taking up space, fear of being disliked, fear of conflict. But every unnecessary “sorry” is a subtle way of telling yourself, I don’t have the right to be here.

Letting go looks like this: Replace “sorry” with “thank you.” Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” say, “Thank you for waiting.” Instead of “Sorry for asking,” say, “I appreciate your help.” This small shift transforms you from apologetic to appreciative—and your confidence grows along with it.

5. Procrastination disguised as preparation

Confidence is built through action. Yet many people hide behind endless preparation: researching more, waiting for the “perfect” moment, rehearsing until the opportunity has passed.

It feels safe to prepare forever. But it’s really a disguise for fear—fear of failing, fear of judgment, fear of not being good enough. The irony? The longer you delay, the more your confidence shrinks.

Letting go looks like this: Instead of asking, Am I ready? ask, What’s the smallest step I can take today? Send the email. Apply for the role. Speak up in the meeting. Confidence doesn’t come before you act—it comes because you act.

6. People-pleasing

On the surface, being agreeable seems like a good thing. But when your default mode is saying yes—even when you want to say no—you slowly erode your confidence.

Every time you put someone else’s comfort above your own boundaries, you send yourself a message: My needs don’t matter. Over time, this makes it nearly impossible to trust yourself.

Letting go looks like this: Start with small no’s. If someone asks for a favor that drains you, practice saying, “I’d love to help, but I can’t right now.” Or, “That doesn’t work for me.” It will feel uncomfortable at first. But with practice, you’ll realize that respecting your own boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation of real confidence.

7. Fear of failure

At the heart of many confidence issues lies this: the belief that failure says something permanent about who you are. If you fail, you’re a failure. If you mess up, you’re worthless.

This is a habit of thinking, not a fact. The most confident people in the world have failed more times than the average person has even tried. They don’t see mistakes as proof they’re inadequate—they see them as feedback.

Letting go looks like this: When you stumble, instead of asking, Why me? ask, What can I learn here? Write it down. Apply it. Move on. Confidence grows not by avoiding failure, but by surviving it—and realizing you’re still standing.

Putting it all together

Confidence isn’t about being flawless or fearless. It’s about building trust in yourself—trust that you can navigate challenges, speak your truth, and bounce back when things don’t go your way.

If you want to feel truly confident, let go of the habits that hold you back: seeking approval, comparing yourself, negative self-talk, over-apologizing, procrastination, people-pleasing, and fearing failure.

Start small. Pick one habit to work on this week. Notice how it feels when you choose differently. Bit by bit, you’ll see your inner strength expand.

Because the truth is, confidence isn’t something you’re either born with or not. It’s something you build—one choice at a time, one habit at a time. And the more you say goodbye to the habits that undermine you, the more you’ll realize: confidence has been inside you all along, waiting to be uncovered.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.