The art of letting go: 10 things people hold onto decades longer than they should

by Lachlan Brown | May 13, 2026, 10:54 am

Letting go is one of life’s hardest — and most liberating — lessons.

We all know we should move on from certain things, but somehow, we keep holding on. To regrets. To grudges. To the idea of how life “should have been.”

It’s not that we enjoy suffering — it’s that holding on feels safe. Familiar. Comfortable.

But true growth requires release. And what I’ve learned — through mindfulness, psychology, and personal experience — is that the things we hold onto the longest are often the very things keeping us stuck.

Here are 10 things people cling to for far too long — and how learning to let them go can change your life.

1. The need for everyone’s approval

From childhood, many of us are conditioned to seek validation — from parents, teachers, friends.

But somewhere along the way, that habit becomes a prison.

Strong people eventually realize that no matter how good, kind, or successful you are, someone will still misunderstand you.

Letting go of the need for universal approval doesn’t make you careless — it makes you free.

As long as your actions align with your values, you owe no one an explanation.
Peace doesn’t come from being liked. It comes from being authentic.

2. Regret over past mistakes

Everyone has moments they wish they could rewrite — things said in anger, opportunities missed, relationships that fell apart.
But the past isn’t a place you can live. It’s a teacher, not a home.

Clinging to regret keeps you emotionally anchored in yesterday’s pain.
Letting go means learning the lesson and forgiving yourself for not knowing better at the time.

Self-forgiveness is an act of maturity — it’s how you stop being at war with yourself.

3. Relationships that have already ended

Sometimes people leave — physically or emotionally — but we don’t let them go in our hearts.

We replay conversations, check their social media, or silently hope they’ll return. Meanwhile, life moves on without us.

Letting go doesn’t mean erasing someone. It means accepting that their chapter in your story has closed.

You can be grateful for what they gave you without clinging to what’s gone.

When you stop grasping, you make space for peace — and often, for something new to enter your life.

4. The idea of who you “should” be

Many people spend decades chasing an identity that was never really theirs — a career to please their parents, a lifestyle to impress others, a version of success that doesn’t feel true.

Letting go of “should” is an act of courage.
It means asking yourself: Who am I, really? What do I value — not what society says I should?

When you stop trying to become someone else, you rediscover yourself.
And that’s where peace begins — in self-acceptance, not self-improvement.

5. Grudges and resentment

We think holding a grudge protects us — that it keeps us safe from being hurt again.
But it doesn’t. It just keeps the pain alive long after the moment has passed.

Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.
Forgiveness isn’t about them — it’s about freeing yourself from emotional captivity.

When you let go of grudges, you reclaim the energy you’ve been wasting on anger.

You stop reliving the past and start living the present.

6. The need to control outcomes

We spend enormous amounts of time trying to control things — people, plans, emotions, the future itself.

But control is mostly an illusion. The more you cling, the more life resists.

True peace comes from surrender — not in the passive sense, but in trusting that you can handle whatever unfolds.

Strong people plan, act, and prepare — but they don’t cling. They understand that uncertainty is part of the human experience.

Letting go isn’t about giving up. It’s about giving in — to life as it is, not as you wish it to be.

7. Old stories about yourself

Maybe you were the “shy one.” The “failure.” The “people-pleaser.”

Those labels become part of our internal script — and before long, we start living them out automatically.

But those stories aren’t you — they’re just outdated versions you’ve outgrown.
Letting go means allowing yourself to evolve beyond old identities that no longer fit.

You’re not who you were at 20, 30, or even last year.
Growth means rewriting your story — again and again — with compassion and courage.

8. The belief that closure must come from others

Many people wait decades for closure that never arrives — an apology that doesn’t come, an explanation that’s never offered.

The truth? Closure is an inside job. It comes the moment you decide to stop needing someone else to heal your wounds.

You can forgive someone privately. You can move on quietly.
You don’t need their acknowledgment to reclaim your peace.

Letting go means understanding that closure isn’t given — it’s chosen.

9. Possessions that carry emotional weight

We hold onto physical things — letters, clothes, mementos — long after they’ve served their purpose.

But often, it’s not the object we’re attached to; it’s the memory it represents.

Here’s the thing: memories live in you, not in things.
You can honor your past without keeping every reminder of it. Sometimes the most freeing act of love is letting go of the object — and keeping the meaning.

Simplifying your environment often simplifies your mind. It’s not loss; it’s space — for something new to grow.

10. The fear of change

Perhaps the hardest thing to let go of is the fear of what comes next.

We resist change because it threatens our sense of control. But in truth, life is change.

Everything — your body, your relationships, your circumstances — is in motion.

Fighting change only creates suffering.
Flowing with it creates freedom.

The people who age gracefully, love deeply, and stay at peace are the ones who’ve learned to release their fear and trust the rhythm of life.

Final reflection: Letting go is an ongoing practice

Most people think of letting go as a single moment — a grand emotional breakthrough.
But in reality, it’s something you do over and over, gently, day by day.

You let go of a thought that no longer serves you.
You release an expectation.
You forgive someone silently.
You breathe, and you move on.

It’s not easy — but it’s worth it.

When you learn to let go, you don’t lose anything real — you just stop gripping what was never meant to stay.

Peace doesn’t come from holding on. It comes from trusting that what’s meant for you will never need to be forced.

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Brown Brothers Media, a digital publishing network reaching tens of millions of readers monthly. He holds a Graduate Diploma of Psychological Studies from Deakin University, though his real education came afterward: a warehouse job shifting TVs, a stretch of anxiety in his mid-twenties, and the slow discovery that studying the mind is not the same as learning how to live well. He started experimenting with Buddhist principles during breaks at the warehouse and eventually began writing about what he was learning. That writing became Hack Spirit, a widely read personal development site, and his book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism became a bestseller. His work breaks down complex ideas into frameworks people can apply immediately, whether they are navigating a career change, a difficult relationship, or the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it. Lachlan splits his time between Singapore and Saigon. He writes about high-performance routines, decision-making under pressure, digital innovation, and the intersection of Eastern philosophy with modern life. His perspective comes from having built things from scratch, failed at some of them, and learned that clarity comes from practice, not theory.