7 signs a man finds you incredibly attractive, according to psychology

A few years ago, I read American actor Val Kilmer’s autobiography, entitled I’m Your Huckleberry. 

In it, Kilmer relates the attraction he had for his former wife, fellow actress Joanne Walley. 

Whalley was starring in a play in London at the time. One night after the show, she and her castmates gathered at a bar. Kilmer was instantly smitten when he saw her from afar, but he didn’t have the courage to approach her. 

Still, he didn’t forget her. 

As fate would have it, a couple of years later Whalley was cast opposite Kilmer in the 1988 fantasy film, Willow: Behind the Magic. 

This time, Kilmer made his feelings for Whalley very clear. 

There are some telltale signs that a man is incredibly attracted to you, according to psychology. Here are five of them. 

1) He can’t help but stare at you…then stare at you some more 

Years ago, I remember being at a cousin’s wedding overseas. The wedding happened to be on my birthday and unbeknownst to me, another cousin relayed this information to the DJ, who announced it to the guests.

I was startled to see myself on the “big screen” of the venue. 

It was kind of embarrassing but everyone coming up to me and saying “Happy Birthday” was admittedly really touching. 

That’s when I noticed a handsome man that I had had a crush on (he was connected to me through mutual relatives) openly staring at me. 

I had hoped he would be there but hadn’t seen him up until this point of the wedding (mid-way through the reception). Right when I gave up the hope of seeing him, he appeared right before me like magic. 

As the hours flew by at the reception, every time I turned around on the dance floor, there he was again, staring. He smiled and seemed to be always around me for much of the party. Needless to say, I was more than flattered. 

Side note: In case you’re wondering, yes we ended up communicating long-distance, but over time I realized the man wasn’t for me. Sad but ultimately for the best. 

But I will always cherish the birthday memory because I manifested my crush on my birthday of all days. Talk about the icing on the cake! 

Getting back to the rules of attraction, not only will a man stare at you if he’s attracted, but he’ll also try to elicit extra eye contact, say relationship experts. 

“If you’re at a bar or in a social setting, take a look around. Men who are attracted may try to make eye contact with you,” says Vanessa Van Edwards from Science of People. 

“Eye-contact seeking is a gesture we make when we want to start a conversation in social or dating situations—we scan around until we make eye contact as a way to say, ‘I am here, please talk to me.’”

You might even see repeated attempts to connect eye to eye, says Van Edwards. 

“[There will also be] a gentleness in his eyes, face, and mouth. Unlike the serial killer look,” she quips.

Ummm…good to know. 

2) He perks up his posture 

Have you ever noticed how men who have good posture and take up more physical space are more easily noticed and seem more attractive?

A man who stands tall with his chest out and his shoulders back can project confidence and self-assurance, says Rachel Pace from Marriage.com. 

This can be an indication that he is attracted to you. 

“Conversely, slouching or hunching can indicate disinterest or low self-esteem.”

A man will also take up more physical space, like standing wide with his hands on his hips, for example, to stand out (pun intended) from other men. 

He’s also signaling to you his masculinity, say experts.

“This is because your body produces more testosterone—which is the hormone associated with confidence—when you are in a more upright posture,” adds Dr. Liza Egbogah, BSc, DC, DOMP. 

“It also sends out the right body language indicating that you are open to opportunity. Opportunity to attract the love of your life or even great work and life opportunities.”

Obviously, when it comes to attraction, this doesn’t just apply to men. 

“Honestly, when you improve your posture, you just look better, too,” says Egbogah. “Since we tend to be quite a superficial society, looks do matter. Improving your posture won’t make you look like a different person, [but] it will make you look like the best version of yourself.”

And this insight isn’t lost on most men. 

3) He moves when you move 

Remember the guy from the wedding I related to in the earlier point? 

Well, I remember him mirroring many of my moves on the dance floor. When I would clap to the music, out of the corner of my eye (I was trying to be subtle about staring back), I would notice him doing the same.

“If a person likes you, they will spontaneously mimic your physical gestures,” says Nick Hobson from Forbes. 

This is called affiliative mimicry, and it’s an ancient evolved process rooted in the brain’s Mirror Neuron System. 

“This network of brain regions is the social glue that binds people together,” explains Hobson.

“It’s believed to act as the very basis of all cultural living. A greater level of mimicry between people is associated which increases activation of the Mirror Neuron System, which in turn, leads to increases in liking, cooperation, and coordinated joint work.”

4) He hangs on your every word

A guy who is really into you is going to really listen to you.

Contrary to a guy who is just making small talk, shooting the breeze, or being polite, this guy will dive right into the conversation and ask thoughtful, engaging follow-up questions.

“He will look at you as you’re speaking, nod along, make agreeable noises, and actually show a lot of interest in what you have to say,” says Vin Serai from LovePanky. 

When a guy likes a woman, she becomes important to him, adda Nick Bastion from SheKnows. 

“That means he listens carefully to what she says—and remembers what she tells him. He doesn’t have to make a special effort, it just happens naturally.”

5) Not only does he listen to you, but he discloses personal details about himself

Contrary to what the world tends to say, men are highly emotional creatures. 

They just choose not to show their emotions, that’s all. 

“If a man decides to share his feelings and emotions with you, this is usually a very big step for him,” says Serai. 

“He is most likely attracted to you. Sharing emotions is a crucial factor in connecting with someone. He let his guard down and wants you to see who he is.”

Generally speaking, men don’t usually disclose much about themselves until they get a potential partner they can trust, adds Sylvia Smith from Marriage.com. 

“However, when he starts telling you personal things about himself, work, family, and what he likes, he’s [getting emotionally] intimate with you.”

6) He notices certain nuances about you 

Back in the early days of Facebook, I remember logging on maybe once a week. Social media was just starting out and there wasn’t an ever-open app on your smartphone like there is nowadays.

Going back to the long-distance guy I mentioned earlier, he seemed to have assessed the fact that I appeared online usually Wednesday evenings. 

Despite the five-hour time difference, he started emerging online himself at that time so he could “casually” catch me online so that we could chat.

I remember relating this to my friend at the time. 

“He is so into you!” she exclaimed.

It was a minor thing, but my radar was telling me that he made sure to make himself social media available whenever I was. 

If he’s picking up on seemingly minor details about you, it could indicate that he’s attracted, agree the experts. 

Say for example he can’t help but comment on the necklace you’re wearing or the splay of freckles that run across the bridge of your nose.

“He notices your clothes, your hair, and your makeup,” says Sneha Tete, Integrated MA and certified relationship coach. 

“He notices your perfume. If he compliments you on any of these, he is totally into you…if he is eyeing you, it is a good sign.”

Of course, this is assuming you’re also attracted to him. 

7) You’re wearing makeup, but he’s the one blushing 

If a man has a habit of blushing everytime you converse or even just look at him, this might be an indication that he has the hots for you. 

It could very well be a giveaway, agrees Sean Jameson from ThoughtCatalog.

“If the object of your desire blushes easily when you’re around, seems to stumble on his words, looks shy, or otherwise appears nervous, chances are awesome that he’s into you!”

Still, before you fall head over heels, it’s important to do a thorough survey of the situation, cautions Jameson. 

When he’s blushing, is your good-looking girlfriend always with you? Also, observe him when he talks to others: does he do this with everyone? In this case, maybe the blushing is more from embarrassment rather than being smitten with you? 

You just want to make sure that you aren’t giving yourself false hope on this one.

But if he’s exhibiting some of the other signs we talked about in addition to this one, you can be almost 100% sure he’s attracted to you. 

Now it’s your move.